Regret - Page 2 - Writers Forum

Kane · 06-28-2006, 01:45 AM

I didn't put this song up for your critique. I just felt like sharing it with those who might be interested. If you're not, that's fine. But don't talk to me about cliche. When you have a world full of 6 billion people +, then everything is cliche, and nothing is cliche. I don't listen to pop, or any of that other crap. I've been straight up death metal for 16 years. This is the first non-death metal song I've ever written, and it was written as an outpour of emotion regarding an experience you couldn't possibly understand at your age. I hope you never lose a kid, but if you do, I doubt you'll give two shits about being cliche or not.

I was planning on putting the song up, but now I'm not sure I should. Putting up lyrics is one thing, but putting up a recording of something so personal, just so it can be pecked at by some punkass kid is not worth it to me. I didn't share those lyrics so you could come shit on me. Grow up.

Ilan Bouchard · 06-28-2006, 01:45 AM

Personally, I retain judgement until I've actually heard the song. The tone of a voice says more than lyrics ever could; to be honest, to me the lyrics are among the least important aspects of the song—they're just meant to clarify what the voice is expressing.

EDIT:
Kane: I personally am interested in hearing your recording. Also, remember that a thick skin is marvelous even when it's in reference to something you should keep a thin skin about, if that makes any sense.

Kane · 06-28-2006, 01:50 AM

Yeah, I know... It's just a little too close to home right now to have some dick shitting on it. I took it off, because I don't think it deserves to be degraded in such a way. That's not why I shared it. I can take the harshest critiques on my writing, and even on the songs I would normally write, but this wasn't here for critique.

For those interested, perhaps you can let me know and I can e-mail you a link when I'm done with it.

demon_ · 06-28-2006, 02:13 AM

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I didn't put this song up for your critique. I just felt like sharing it with those who might be interested. If you're not, that's fine. But don't talk to me about cliche. When you have a world full of 6 billion people +, then everything is cliche, and nothing is cliche. I don't listen to pop, or any of that other crap. I've been straight up death metal for 16 years. This is the first non-death metal song I've ever written, and it was written as an outpour of emotion regarding an experience you couldn't possibly understand at your age. I hope you never lose a kid, but if you do, I doubt you'll give two shits about being cliche or not.

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I didn't put this song up for your critique.

You should have post messaged all the active mebers besides _demon then, shouldn't you have?

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I just felt like sharing it with those who might be interested. If you're not, that's fine.

I am. I'm interested in everybody's lyrics. What make's you think I wasn't? Stating my opinion?

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But don't talk to me about cliche. When you have a world full of 6 billion people +, then everything is cliche, and nothing is cliche.

Hmmm... I kinda underexaggurated about the whole 200 people thing, huh? I guess that's the only number I've read on this forum alone. Sorry. Despite the amount of people, have you ever thought people actually try to come up with something different? Maybe, not becuase everything is cliche and they'res just no use, right?

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I don't listen to pop, or any of that other crap. I've been straight up death metal for 16 years.

Oh, yeah, I'm a full head-on Simple Plan lover... *sigh*. I've read plenty of death metal songs before... most of them "okay" but I have seen some genuis ones that made me smile, literally... Good for you, by the way.

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This is the first non-death metal song I've ever written, and it was written as an outpour of emotion regarding an experience you couldn't possibly understand at your age.

Okay Mister Teenage Stereotyper, just ebcause you've had a bland life at my age doesn't mean you could assume mine (but then again, they'res 6 billion people out there with the same, sad ass stories to tell...)

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I hope you never lose a kid, but if you do, I doubt you'll give two shits about being cliche or not.

Now, here's where you've struck me. I have no idea if any of the good lyrics I've read was anything close to a drama like this, but I assure you it's gotta be something like this. But who knows, you could be right...

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I was planning on putting the song up, but now I'm not sure I should. Putting up lyrics is one thing, but putting up a recording of something so personal, just so it can be pecked at by some punkass kid is not worth it to me. I didn't share those lyrics so you could come shit on me. Grow up.

It wasn't your mistake for posting the lyrics, Kane. It was my mistake for ctirizing them and giving my opinion. Sorry, a bunch. I'll make sure to stay out of your personal life and not judge it.

And, Kane, I did not shit on you.... man, you got me wrong. I gave you a 5 becuase of how cliche it was, yeah, but not that only. There was no real structure, no real image on the whole "loss" thing. It lacked true emotion, in my opinion. However, the rest was great and kept it strong: the flow went well, I could imagine how it was sung on the first read, and it was very nice and poetic... My standards on lyrics are unusually high, don't take it personally, man.

And, please, don't tell me to grow up with a pouty little mood like that. I could have handled this whole thing better. I have a gift for imagining something bad happening to me and I literally feel an essence of it. Look, I've lost a dad, and I wrote these lyrics about the event and got shit on several times... worse than I did you. I said "fuck it... they don't know where I'm coming from" and I moved on, let them be. You could have took this alot better.

Demon

Also:

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Personally, I retain judgement until I've actually heard the song. The tone of a voice says more than lyrics ever could; to be honest, to me the lyrics are among the least important aspects of the song—they're just meant to clarify what the voice is expressing.

Not only personal, but true. Exept lyrics do have to really show emotion in words becuase that's what makes them more beautiful. However, I personally disagree that the lyrics are the least important parts in song...

Demon

Kane · 06-28-2006, 02:20 AM

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Okay Mister Teenage Stereotyper, just ebcause you've had a bland life at my age doesn't mean you could assume mine (but then again, they'res 6 billion people out there with the same, sad ass stories to tell...)

Actually, my life was pretty "exciting" at that age. But, unless you've lost a kid, which I doubt at your age, then you can't really understand what it's like.

I reacted a bit harshly, and for that I aplogize, but you showed absolutely no sensitivity to the issue at hand. You just jumped in without understanding and made some stupid comments.

You keep going on about cliche, but I wasn't trying to be poetic. I just wrote what I would say to my son if he were here right now with me. Not everything has to be artsy to have merit.

demon_ · 06-28-2006, 02:30 AM

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Actually, my life was pretty "exciting" at that age. But, unless you've lost a kid, which I doubt at your age, then you can't really understand what it's like.

Not a kid, a father.

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I reacted a bit harshly, and for that I aplogize, but you showed absolutely no sensitivity to the issue at hand.

Yeah, you're right on that one for sure.

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You just jumped in without understanding and made some stupid comments.

Oh, I kinda understood. But, see, that's the thing, I ignored what the lyrics were about and actually tried to get a story out of it, which was a bit hard for me on the first read. And sorry for the stupid ass comments, it's just in my bloodline to be sarcastic and nasty.

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You keep going on about cliche, but I wasn't trying to be poetic. I just wrote what I would say to my son if he were here right now with me. Not everything has to be artsy to have merit.

I actually have my own personal beliefs on way I'm such a nit picker on cliches and overuses. And, yeah, you're right. Things lawyas don't have to be 'artsy', escpecially in a genral topic like one you were inspired to pen down, but I guess I'm too used to reading perfessional writing and stuff like that without realizing it (and I swear I do read alot of lyrics). Sorry.

Sorry, a bunch, but somethings I must stay true to.

Demon

Ilan Bouchard · 06-28-2006, 02:30 AM

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Originally Posted by demon_

Not only personal, but true. Exept lyrics do have to really show emotion in words becuase that's what makes them more beautiful. However, I personally disagree that the lyrics are the least important parts in song...

Ok, not the least important aspect, but I contend that the lyrics are meant only to provide perspective, and little more.

As an example, I refer you to the lyrics of Skip James' "Devil Got My Woman". I count about six individual lines, most of which are not particularly unique; in fact, I have trouble making out some of them in the actual song. But it remains, in my mind and among many blues fans, one of the best blues songs of all time, because the voice drips of the pain expressed fairly simply in the lyrics. (I can probably find appropriate example in just about every genre, by the way.)

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Originally Posted by demon_

It was my mistake for ctirizing them and giving my opinion. Sorry, a bunch. I'll make sure to stay out of your personal life and not judge it.

In this case, that would be a good idea. It's generally of sound judgement to exhibit tact and realize when a point will not be appreciated the way it's meant to be. Kane is obviously less interested in polishing his song and more interested in expressing the grief of a traumatic event. Cut him some slack.

demon_ · 06-28-2006, 02:36 AM

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Kane is obviously less interested in polishing his song and more interested in expressing the grief of a traumatic event. Cut him some slack.

See, this is where I was less informed about the whole thing. When I read lyrics, I try to find some story in them (despite what the author's notes are). It's a problem, but for people actually looking foreword into something fresh, I have to do it.

And, I'm glad you're a blues fan. I love the music of the whole genre out of it all, singing comes second. But truthfully, I'm a screamo lover, and a hardcore dreamer. I'm more harsh about my beliefs and standards, so that's why I was arrogant on my comments.

Again, I'm sorry for offending you.

Demon

blademasterzzz · 06-28-2006, 02:51 AM

Kane, could you possibly put the link back up, now that the critique issues are more or less solved?

Mystery · 06-28-2006, 04:07 AM

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Originally Posted by Kane

Yeah, I know... It's just a little too close to home right now to have some dick shitting on it. I took it off, because I don't think it deserves to be degraded in such a way. That's not why I shared it. I can take the harshest critiques on my writing, and even on the songs I would normally write, but this wasn't here for critique.

For those interested, perhaps you can let me know and I can e-mail you a link when I'm done with it.

Demon didn't ruin it, you did.

What comes from the heart remains there, it is unaltered by what others say. What you feel cannot be changed by the words of others unless you let them.

And I know im going to get flamed hard for this but hey, everyone needs a cold slap of reality and realisation every now and then, you might think im an ass, but hey, your letting me affect you.

As for what I think of your song? I think of thamior as the best authority for those kind of lyrics here, but what he writes pales in comparison to the emotion of that, screw cliche's, screw similarities, emotion is NOT something that can be cliche'd and replicated, to find something like that is to look past any flaws.
10/10.

blademasterzzz · 06-28-2006, 04:27 AM

Ehh... Are you bashing or praising him...?

thamior · 06-28-2006, 07:21 AM

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Originally Posted by blademasterzzz

Ehh... Are you bashing or praising him...?

its Mystery's way of a compliment

I didnt get to see the lyric....