My headphones - Writers Forum

Vulgar` · 06-22-2006, 11:53 AM

I'll sniff a coffee bean and let your face cringe like lemonfaced kids
I mixed a hard days work with morning breath - and since then my mint is tasteless
Architecture turns me on, I don't know, maybe the art of it or maybe the bark of it
All i know is if it sounds as good as a buttermilk mudbath then maybe I'd gargle it
I've been trained to accomplish things you've searched for long
The lantern jaw burns neon, got your eyebrows shriveling like "I know heard this song"

Chinese hitman & a violin, black glasses - the clap of sounds
The track passes as the droplet comes crashing down

Hospitality like peaches and patchwork
Imported beer insures i'll leave with the last smirk
The last jerk came so foul i had to put this taste in his mouth
It was cigarette smoke and fertilized citrus, til' I felt like backslapping the taste out his mouth.
In person I used to be so soft where my mind installed it
- It being the scorpion telson resting wherever you find your wallet.
Even diabolic, you guys'll frolick like you tryna to be ripped
So bananas when you try walkin' behind me you slip!
Speaking of which. I used to know this fat lady so plump she died
and i remember her on every holiday as my face meets the pumpkin pie
So as you keep trying to find the reason you sit tight
Ihe art of sound - you should live by it.
I'm the reason theres chocolate milk inside your kid's diet.
beats,
rhymes,
life.

- you can live, by it.

And you will.

Gnomes Amok · 06-22-2006, 01:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vulgar`

I'll sniff a coffee bean and let your face cringe like lemonfaced kids
I mixed a hard days work with morning breath - and since then my mint is tasteless
Architecture turns me on, I don't know, maybe the art of it or maybe the bark of it
All i know is if it sounds as good as a buttermilk mudbath then maybe I'd gargle it
I've been trained to accomplish things you've searched for long
The lantern jaw burns neon, got your eyebrows shriveling like "I know heard this song"

Chinese hitman & a violin, black glasses - the clap of sounds
The track passes as the droplet comes crashing down

Hospitality like peaches and patchwork
Imported beer insures i'll leave with the last smirk
The last jerk came so foul i had to put this taste in his mouth
It was cigarette smoke and fertilized citrus, til' I felt like backslapping the taste out his mouth.
In person I used to be so soft where my mind installed it
- It being the scorpion telson resting wherever you find your wallet.
Even diabolic, you guys'll frolick like you tryna to be ripped
So bananas when you try walkin' behind me you slip!
Speaking of which. I used to know this fat lady so plump she died
and i remember her on every holiday as my face meets the pumpkin pie
So as you keep trying to find the reason you sit tight
Ihe art of sound - you should live by it.
I'm the reason theres chocolate milk inside your kid's diet.
beats,
rhymes,
life.

- you can live, by it.

And you will.

The messages of your songs are vaguely whispered, as opposed to shouted out, and I love that. This ones no different, and the beauty of it is the meaning I draw from it may be totally different from another readers interpretation.

"Even diabolic, you guys'll frolick like you tryna to be ripped
So bananas when you try walkin' behind me you slip!
Speaking of which. I used to know this fat lady so plump she died
and i remember her on every holiday as my face meets the pumpkin pie"

Haha, thats my favorite part.

Im growing more accustom to your lack of standard structure, more appreciative of it.

You always close brilliantly, as well. It leaves a great impression.

I dont think Id suggest any changes, nice work Vulgar.

Vulgar` · 06-25-2006, 02:34 AM

Thanks.

ebmadman · 06-25-2006, 02:51 AM

What's up Vulgar. This was different, but I liked it. For some reason, the rhyme style reminded me of U-god, from the Wu. I especially liked the Tribe reference at the end. Nice piece.

mwd · 06-25-2006, 03:39 AM

I've never written lyrics before so I'm afraid I can't really give any useful criticism, but I can say that I liked it. I'm not really sure how some of the lines would flow; it would be interesting to actually hear it rapped out.

Quote:

Hospitality like peaches and patchwork
Imported beer insures i'll leave with the last smirk

I'm not sure why, but I really liked these two lines. Abstract, in that I'm not sure what they mean in the grand scheme of the song, but at the same time they're very specific in terms of the images they bring to mind.

Cool.

demon_ · 06-26-2006, 12:55 AM

Is this that rap mombo jombo?

.........

Because if it, it is damn good rap mombo jombo....

Nothing to critique on it, exept that is was fun to read.

Demon

Vulgar` · 06-27-2006, 04:16 PM

Thanks for checking it out, now it's time to get at other's stuff.

thamior · 06-27-2006, 07:44 PM

good stuff, typical of you.

insures, you might want ensures.