blademasterzzz

As I have no experience of writing any kind of songs, I will understand if you tell me to burn this . I hope you can tell me how to improve.



We don't believe our ears
We strain, we listen to the sounds.
How can it be that the rounds
of guns are quiet at last?

The howling of bombs has seized
The howling of ear-splitting sirens...
There should be no more violence!
If we have our say - violence will not exist!

And no, no more blood will spill on the ground
And no, no more soldiers will fall
The fires are slowly dying
And father look kindly from their place on the wall.

But then we will see the broken,
The broken, opened streets
All bombed and smashed to bits -
Is this the victory we brokered?!

The news of loved ones going 'round...
The soldiers aren't coming back.
The enemy must still be kept in check
We have to firmly stand our ground.

But no, no more blood will spill on the ground.
And no, no more soldiers will fall.
The fires are finally dying
And fathers look sadly from the place on the wall.

And yet, time will go by, people will change
Forgotten will be the terrors, the worry
And once again, the fools looking for glory
Will go to battle, giving up their soul in exchange.

And yes! More people will die fighting.
And yes! More soldiers will fall.
The fires are already starting
And father look angry in their place on the wall.

zoya_brar

i liked the whole idea and really enjoyed the way you went from no to yes.
but towards the beginning some of the rhymes seemed force.
here are some of my suggestions:

We don't believe our ears
We strain, we listen to the sounds. [We strain to listen to the sounds]
How can it be that the rounds
of guns are quiet at last?

The howling of bombs has seized [the howling bombs have seized]
The howling of ear-splitting sirens...
There should be no more violence! [I don’t like these 2 lines.. cant suggest anything but they just don’t sound right]
If we have our say - violence will not exist!

And no, no more blood will spill on the ground
And no, no more soldiers will fall
The fires are slowly dying
And father look kindly from their place on the wall. [But fathers still look sadly at their children all around or yet dead bodies abound]



But then we will see the broken,
The broken, opened streets [open]
All bombed and smashed to bits -
Is this the victory we brokered?! [is this really victory?]

The news of loved ones going 'round...
The soldiers aren't coming back.
The enemy must still be kept in check
We have to firmly stand our ground.

But no, no more blood will spill on the ground.
And no, no more soldiers will fall.
The fires are finally dying
And fathers look sadly from the place on the wall.

And yet, time will go by, people will change
Forgotten will be the terrors, the worry [terrors and worries will be forgotten]
And once again, the fools looking for glory
Will go to battle, giving up their soul in exchange. [up is stopping the flow.. how about getting rid of it?]

And yes! More people will die fighting.
And yes! More soldiers will fall.
The fires are already starting
And father look angry in their place on the wall. [I love the way you said no
first and then changed to yes]

keep writing
zoya

blademasterzzz

Thanks, I appreciate it. As I said, two weeks ago I had never even thought about the idea of writing any kind of lyrics, so I am new to it.


I'll change them.


What's wrong with that?


Thanks for the rest, and I knew that pesky up was in the way.

zoya_brar

aah well when i re-read it, it sounded pretty ok.. must have been in a rotten mood in the morning