bambie1984

Comparing this song to popular artists, I'd have to say ballads by the Eagles. i.e.; "Tequila Sunrise," "Lyin' Eyes."

It's more on a personal account and I don't know how many can relate. It's about looking back life; how naive we are as children and comparing that with the knowledge we gain about the world as adults.

I feel so sad I can’t even cry
Feel so sad, like I want to die
And I don’t know why
I don’t know why
Nothing happened to make me feel this way
‘Less you count all the mistakes I’ve made
And I don’t know why
I don’t know why

Chorus:
I thought their world would be a little less meaner
Their grass a little bit greener
Can’t believe I fell for that worn out lie
Living in the lonely suburbs
A world full of single lovebirds
That cannot fly
And time goes by
Time goes by

There was a time when I used to dream
Prophesied and so it seemed
That I knew why
I knew why
The caged bird had a right to sing
Why she never folded in her wings
I knew why
I knew why

Repeat Chorus

I feel so sad now that time has gone
Trying not to dwell on what I’ve done wrong
Because I know why
I know why
There was a time when I used to dream
Prophesieed and so it seems
I know why
I know why

Repeat Chorus

I know why
Time goes by

__________________
"That which separated and distnguished me from others, mattered. That which no one else said or could say, was what I had to say."
- Andre Gide

Vasque

very nice. Easy to read. Loved the mistakes I made line. Great placement of it.

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~Vasque~

thamior

I liked everything except for the first two lines of the chorus, those rhymes stuck out like sore thumbs, and the word meaner...I dont know, it was kind of odd, but thats just my two cents

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Dark and Shattered Lands

Vasque

I agree. Sentiment good in those lines, readability bumpy.

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~Vasque~

bambie1984

A lot of people seem to think that. I'll go back and see if I can't fix it.
Thanks for your input.

__________________
"That which separated and distnguished me from others, mattered. That which no one else said or could say, was what I had to say."
- Andre Gide

Aardvark

http://www.reelclassics.com/Movies/C...sby-lyrics.htm

You are aware that one of the most famous songs in movie history and by extension popular culture is called "As Time Goes By"?

Not to detract from your efforts but it's like writing a song called "Stairway to Heaven" or "Hey Jude". I am not suggesting you have in any way borrowed from the song in question it's just that...well...if you wrote a book and called it "Gone With The Wind" or "To Kill a Mockingbird" nobody would pay it much heed.

There are quite a few examples of similar song titles of course..."Heartbreaker" by The Stones, Zep had their own as did Grand Funk Railroad to name a few...but they were established acts when those titles came out.

Again, I am not criticising your work, just trying to give you something to think about when coming up with a name for your next "song".

In the above case I would suggest "I (don't) Know Why". It is well established in the lyric and is key to the story within.




Best of luck with your writing,
Aardvark

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When I want to hear something I listen to the radio. When I want to see something I watch television. When I want both I read a good book.

Zeppelin Crazed

Pretty cool. I like your lines. They all seam very nicely placed, almost engraved in stone. Very cool effect there.

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If I Were To Die Today, I'd Want You To Have My Memories...

thamior

I've run into tot title similarities too, I only believ it is a problem if she intends to publish it....

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Dark and Shattered Lands

Aardvark

Perfect.

Great post!

__________________
When I want to hear something I listen to the radio. When I want to see something I watch television. When I want both I read a good book.

bambie1984

Hey thanks guys.

You know, I did not know that Aardvark. That's something to think about.
But I doubt if I'll change the title, because it's what the song is about.

__________________
"That which separated and distnguished me from others, mattered. That which no one else said or could say, was what I had to say."
- Andre Gide