Let me take you away - Writers Forum

Night Wraith · 04-09-2005, 03:50 PM

You say I'm a dreamer,
Well, we're two of a kind.
We search for a world,
That we know we won't find.

Perhaps I should leave you,
But you know that there's
No where I'd rather be
Than right here by your side.

You ask if I love you,
Well what can I say.
You know that I do,
So I sing you a new song.

Warm your heart,
Your cold and tired heart.
Stay with me,
And let me take you away.

You ask why I do just what I do,
Well what can I say.
You know I can't help,
So I'll try it again.

Warm your heart,
Your cold and tired heart.
Stay with me,
And let me take you away.

The answers are here,
Can't you see.
I've told you the truth,
Now you shun me away.

I can't learn from what I've done,
So let me say.
Say what you may,
But I won't stop lovin' you.

Warm your heart,
Care for somethin'
Besides yourself,
And take a look,
At where you are.

mammamaia · 04-10-2005, 10:54 AM

seems to me like you've got bits and pieces of several possible songs here, all tossed in together, with no attempt made to structure this as a lyric...

some promising bits, especially the title, but you didn't develop it into a theme that carries the whole lyric, which was disappoiniting... you don't even get to that, till midway in the thing, after rambling about in other directions...

this could be developed into a decent lyric, with some work... i suggest you study the basics of lyric writing and learn how the pros write them... or, if you'd just like some help pulling this into some workable form, i'll be glad to give you a hand [i'm a lyricist, among other things, and a former member of the sga]...

love and hugs, maia
maia3maia@hotmail.com

Maria Connie · 04-17-2005, 07:48 PM

THIS LYRIC has possibilities, and you have a great guide there with maia
thanks for sharing with all
Love and light
Maria Connie