Three songs and a question - Writers Forum

dollsoldier · 03-22-2005, 07:37 PM

Okay, here are my latest three songs, apologies if the post is a little long. As for the question, I am curious as to other songwriters that have similar lyrical style. So far I've been compared to a few different people, and in studying their music I've figured out how to better polish mine. Although I'm nowhere near professional levels yet, I'd like to learn what others have done with a style somewhat close to mine. So if my songs remind you of anyone in particular, lemme know.

Kowloon Boy
==
Everyone wants you
But nobody loves you
Oh Kowloon Boy
Playing chess with your boyfriends
Cutting off their fingers
With secret meat cleavers
When they inevitably lose
And when they die
As they so often do
It’s the only time
Your eyes
Shine broken blue
And you laughed at me
Saying it was so crass
To look for meaning in you
Until we found them lined up on the grass
Bleeding out from their hearts into pragmatic sex
And when he comes this time
I’ll have to lock you inside
But I will always love you
Because you know who your enemies are
And exactly how much you can do
It’s me and you against the world
And the boy from Kowloon

Easy Tiger
==

Your bodies have been opened for use
says the sign in the garden by the watering cans
But I found it too late to savor you
Left up in overgrowth where rain once ran
And I'll sit in the rusty car
Somehow found buried in a split tree
And there I'll make up selfish reasons
To explain yourself to you
And me, lay here next to me
and let your skin turn blackish blue
And just think -
Now no one needs to keep
Those photographs of you
And just think -
You were once someone's baby son
Left to dance through foreign palaces
Once the leering lights were already gone
Set your new room on fire, light it all up
But you said you liked it dark
Why not, I whispered, I think I'm in love

Haven't seen you lately
But these days I hope you've died
Every night I light your candle
And pray to God there's no afterlife
Let's start all over
Let's go where no one knows us
It's okay
I can pay
Buy you time to find a new face
How long will it take to meet you there?
And with a kiss that might not've happened
I'll have to set all your feathers free
Don't let me die tonight
But please let him rest in peace

Car!
==

All our daughters dancing in the streets
Breaking their feet in the summer heat
Yeah, three inches to give life
Twice that to save it
As another man’s beast
Wiped their legs away
They saw a broken lady laughing
At the voices in her head
The lady heard the virgins shriek
As they pulsated their broken feet
Came around the corner too late
To wipe the smile off her face
And nobody who watches the evening news
Will understand that she's not the one for you

Mystery · 03-23-2005, 09:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dollsoldier

Okay, here are my latest three songs, apologies if the post is a little long. As for the question, I am curious as to other songwriters that have similar lyrical style. So far I've been compared to a few different people, and in studying their music I've figured out how to better polish mine. Although I'm nowhere near professional levels yet, I'd like to learn what others have done with a style somewhat close to mine. So if my songs remind you of anyone in particular, lemme know.

Kowloon Boy
==
Everyone wants you
But nobody loves you
Oh Kowloon Boy
Playing chess with your boyfriends
Cutting off their fingers
With secret meat cleavers
When they inevitably lose
And when they die
As they so often do
It’s the only time
Your eyes
Shine broken blue
And you laughed at me
Saying it was so crass
To look for meaning in you
Until we found them lined up on the grass
Bleeding out from their hearts into pragmatic sex
And when he comes this time
I’ll have to lock you inside
But I will always love you
Because you know who your enemies are
And exactly how much you can do
It’s me and you against the world
And the boy from Kowloon

Easy Tiger
==

Your bodies have been opened for use
says the sign in the garden by the watering cans
But I found it too late to savor you
Left up in overgrowth where rain once ran
And I'll sit in the rusty car
Somehow found buried in a split tree
And there I'll make up selfish reasons
To explain yourself to you
And me, lay here next to me
and let your skin turn blackish blue
And just think -
Now no one needs to keep
Those photographs of you
And just think -
You were once someone's baby son
Left to dance through foreign palaces
Once the leering lights were already gone
Set your new room on fire, light it all up
But you said you liked it dark
Why not, I whispered, I think I'm in love

Haven't seen you lately
But these days I hope you've died
Every night I light your candle
And pray to God there's no afterlife
Let's start all over
Let's go where no one knows us
It's okay
I can pay
Buy you time to find a new face
How long will it take to meet you there?
And with a kiss that might not've happened
I'll have to set all your feathers free
Don't let me die tonight
But please let him rest in peace

Car!
==

All our daughters dancing in the streets
Breaking their feet in the summer heat
Yeah, three inches to give life
Twice that to save it
As another man’s beast
Wiped their legs away
They saw a broken lady laughing
At the voices in her head
The lady heard the virgins shriek
As they pulsated their broken feet
Came around the corner too late
To wipe the smile off her face
And nobody who watches the evening news
Will understand that she's not the one for you

these are poems, not lyrics, read the Songwriting focus sheet by mouse thats stickied.

dollsoldier · 03-23-2005, 02:36 PM

Quote:

these are poems, not lyrics, read the Songwriting focus sheet by mouse thats stickied.

Um, no, they're lyrics. I know how these songs go, I've sung them before, Kowloon Boy's already got some parts recorded, and Easy Tiger's got guitar tabs. What makes them not lyrics? It's just not structured traditionally. I don't like writing things with set stanzas and a chorus, it's too restricting to the words and the musical flow of the song. And I read the sheet.

The Thing · 03-23-2005, 02:38 PM

Quote:

these are poems, not lyrics, read the Songwriting focus sheet by mouse thats stickied.

Why do songs have to follow a set template? Where's the creative freedom in that? Besides, aren't songs kind of poems anyway?

Mystery · 03-25-2005, 06:03 AM

why do people want explanations?

Im a guitarist and musically inept, yes lyrics do have to be in lyrical format because 99% of people dont know how to write lyrics without form, You need flow and rythme also you need a metre and this song has nothing if you wanna call it that. ITs singable but its not a lyrics, its a poem.

Plus if you knew anything youd know that lyrics are poetry, not music, when I say its a poem It means it has the potential of being a lyric, but its not that yet.

Theres a book called "reading to 14" its used for schools, I did it 3 years ago, in it is contained a poetry comparison in which, one of the pieces is not a poem and the other isnt, but they both have the same format(paragraphs), what makes the one a poem and the other not is its other formats.
And who said original is better?

So I conclude, these are not songs/lyrics, these are poems.

thamior · 03-25-2005, 08:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dollsoldier

Quote:

these are poems, not lyrics, read the Songwriting focus sheet by mouse thats stickied.

Um, no, they're lyrics. I know how these songs go, I've sung them before, Kowloon Boy's already got some parts recorded, and Easy Tiger's got guitar tabs. What makes them not lyrics? It's just not structured traditionally. I don't like writing things with set stanzas and a chorus, it's too restricting to the words and the musical flow of the song. And I read the sheet.

the structure of lyrics makes them more pleasing, all you have right now is a poem with music to it, if thats what you want fine but its not "Technically" lyrics. Good poems though.

The Castaway and Cutout · 03-25-2005, 02:17 PM

Oh my god. We don't have to kowtow to the stickied post's formula and rules. Songs shouldn't be put under scientific scrutiny, because that's not what they're for, and insisting that everything that doesn't fit within it's narrow definition aren't lyrics is arrogant and has no basis in reality.

Lyrics are lyrics not because they rhyme or have music in the background. Lyrics come from the heart, and if someone says they are lyrics and not poems, they are lyrics. Stop being for of yourselves and stop trying to conform people to one way of stylized writing. That way of writing is why I don't listen to the radio anymore, cause it's all the same bland shit.

I love her songs. She's been writing for a while and frankly she has more talent than alot of songwriters I know.
Respect her for her talent or don't, just dont say her songs are poems because they don't fit your generic brand of songwriting.

The Thing · 03-25-2005, 03:27 PM

Well said castaway. Couldn't of said it better myself.

If anybody wants a professional example of lyrics that don't conform to a set pattern try reading the lyrics to a death metal band. They don't usually have a verse/chorus system. One band called Nile even have songs which are simply Ancient Egytian spells read out in their original language. But they're still lyrics.

slenderpanther · 03-25-2005, 03:31 PM

where did these come from, i feel as though they're personal instances, contrued....

LazyGuitarist · 03-25-2005, 04:51 PM

Who cares if they are poems they are good and can be translated into songs, Dollsoldier, good work!

Mystery · 03-26-2005, 05:41 AM

okay this is for the last time, why should we have rules for lyricS? why do we have rules for everything?

Original isnt better, do you think the first killer or thief was good because he was "original" and not following the "rules"?,
You take those to any recording company and they will get proffesional lyricists to beat it into shape and if you dont accept theyll kick your ass out of their office.

Just cuz you want to be "original" and "constructive" doesnt mean you get to do what you want with something, there are ground rules you HAVE to have for something to be a lyric my friend, either you dont understand what lyrics are, or you just want to do what you want and boost your self esteem by saying "im a songwriter".

Your not even a poet by the way, those poems are in poetical formats either.

That means, their just paragraphs, have fun.

The Thing · 03-26-2005, 05:50 AM

Quote:

You take those to any recording company and they will get proffesional lyricists to beat it into shape and if you dont accept theyll kick your ass out of their office.

Mystery, as I suggested earlier, take a look at some Nile lyrics. They are a signed band and I think you'll find that there lyrics are what you would consider merely paragraphs. My point being that there is room in the music industry for musicians to break the rules.

Not everybody has to write pop songs.

thamior · 03-26-2005, 11:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Castaway and Cutout

Oh my god. We don't have to kowtow to the stickied post's formula and rules. Songs shouldn't be put under scientific scrutiny, because that's not what they're for, and insisting that everything that doesn't fit within it's narrow definition aren't lyrics is arrogant and has no basis in reality.

Lyrics are lyrics not because they rhyme or have music in the background. Lyrics come from the heart, and if someone says they are lyrics and not poems, they are lyrics. Stop being for of yourselves and stop trying to conform people to one way of stylized writing. That way of writing is why I don't listen to the radio anymore, cause it's all the same bland shit.

I love her songs. She's been writing for a while and frankly she has more talent than alot of songwriters I know.
Respect her for her talent or don't, just dont say her songs are poems because they don't fit your generic brand of songwriting.

Of or relating to a category of poetry that expresses subjective thoughts and feelings, often in a songlike style or form.
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=lyrics

Lyrics are poetry but poetry isnt lyric, I have nothing against free verse poetry. Im not a sticker to rules and break them as often as I can in lyric. But lyrics are a forom of poetry, and the form has rules, set things that it has to follow vaguely. If you dont follow them then its simply a poem, it may be I good poem, i said so already that it is, but its still a poem, a lyric has rules if you dont follow them then its a poem with music. I dont know why people beleive that non-conformity should invade every aspect or lives, your veiws are perversions upon real facts. If you want to say dollsoilder is a good poet then I agree, if you want to say that lyrics are from the heart, then I agree. But if you want to say that lyrics are just another word for poetry then I disagree, lyrics are a FORM of poetry, and like other forms of poetry, (like the haiku) it has rules, if you dont follow them then its not a lyric.

thamior · 03-26-2005, 11:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Thing

Quote:

You take those to any recording company and they will get proffesional lyricists to beat it into shape and if you dont accept theyll kick your ass out of their office.

Mystery, as I suggested earlier, take a look at some Nile lyrics. They are a signed band and I think you'll find that there lyrics are what you would consider merely paragraphs. My point being that there is room in the music industry for musicians to break the rules.

Not everybody has to write pop songs.

no indeed, I dont write pop songs, many of my songs may deviate from form a little, but to completely break it...well its not lyrics whether or not its good poetry is another question.

dollsoldier · 03-26-2005, 03:59 PM

Quote:

...you just want to do what you want and boost your self esteem by saying "im a songwriter".

Bingo. I'm glad we understand each other. It makes me happy, and it's what I do. If you don't like it, well, I'm honestly sorry you're losing sleep over the fact that a total stranger is very happy to write and sing, and is somehow able to form songs.

Quote:

where did these come from, i feel as though they're personal instances, contrued....

That's just a really difficult thing to say. Someone was confused by my songs recently, so I wrote a total breakdown here:
http://www.livejournal.com/community...6.html?#cutid1
of all the images that come to me and what I do. (It was the most emotionally exhausting thing I have ever done.) I'm so irresponsible. I'll say to myself, 'I gotta write a song about this feudal warlord!' and since I'm such a cold, tight-lipped person... Well, some people write songs about their emotions, I've got to write songs about stories about my emotions. I just need that extra layer. So I'm playing around with beats, lines, words, tempos, mental images, and all of a sudden I get this weird daydream, this half-story - and, oh god, somehow the song about a feudal warlord is talking about a guy who boils himself alive in a pickup truck parked inside a tree as he's filling up hundreds of notebooks. But everything still has meaning for me, all the images there, and they all
connect back to the original topic, so it's still about the warlord. It's so dishonest and crude, I think, the way it just explodes. I try not to use all the things that end up in my half-story, because I don't want to seem intentionally vague, so I've written these three songs fairly generally. I really like that nobody really knows exactly how I'm thinking and feeling in my songs, that they take away whatever they want from it personally, and that's okay. Just because I made the songs, and had an idea of what they meant when they were done, doesn't mean everyone else's interpretations are wrong.