Song - If You Come With Me - Writers Forum

thamior · 03-09-2005, 05:12 AM

If you come with me,
then I will know,
that life will mean much more.
And if you can see,
then I'm certain,
you'll open up your door.

Chorus:
oh, It used to be, I was alone,
that there was no place called home.
but now I see,
what it means to be,
I only hope you'll notice me.

I used to be depressed,
sadder than now,
I was caught in desolation.
I used to be perplexed,
(too) much on my mind,
forced myself to isolation.

*chorus*

I found myself but its too late,
you're far too gone,
I told myself I wouldn't lose but. [shorter pause]
I told myself I would wait, [pause a litte longer]
now you wont look,
I held it off too much.

*chorus*

Bridge:
Is it past to reach you,
I don't know what to do.
You mean so much to me,
you are my past, present destiny.
And though my efforts may be in vain,
I will keep on...never stop trying.

*chorus*

I only hope you'll notice me....

Mazzie · 03-09-2005, 06:10 AM

These lyrics got me thinking "Typicall ballad going on here" The only thing that got me doubting was:

Quote:

I used to be depressed,
sadder than now,
I was caught in desolation.
I used to be perplexed,
(too) much on my mind,
forced myself to isolation.

I feel that it doesn't fit in with the rest because of the use of words. Otherwise it was a very good song. Keep it up.

thamior · 03-09-2005, 06:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mazzie

These lyrics got me thinking "Typicall ballad going on here" The only thing that got me doubting was:

Quote:

I used to be depressed,
sadder than now,
I was caught in desolation.
I used to be perplexed,
(too) much on my mind,
forced myself to isolation.

I feel that it doesn't fit in with the rest because of the use of words. Otherwise it was a very good song. Keep it up.

not sure what you mean but i'll explain the verse, its saying before I met her that I felt all those emotions...if you mean as far as lyrical structure could you please elaborate more....

Mazzie · 03-09-2005, 06:39 AM

The lyrical structure is just fine. I meant that you used more 'simple' words in the rest of the song, and that verse seems more 'educated', at least to me who doesn't have english as a mothertounge. Now that you've explained the verse though I understand it better.

save-the-panda's · 03-09-2005, 10:59 AM

I agree with Mazzie, you don't want to have to whip out a dictionary when listening/reading lyrics

But on the whole I liked it!

thamior · 03-09-2005, 05:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by save-the-panda's

I agree with Mazzie, you don't want to have to whip out a dictionary when listening/reading lyrics

But on the whole I liked it!

its hard though, those are words i typically use, I guess i'm a tad more eloquent than most...

bruno718 · 03-09-2005, 09:51 PM

So . . . what word exactly did you have trouble with? I wouldn't have to get a dictionary for any of these. To me, Thaimor just did a really good job using not so common words to rhyme.

save-the-panda's · 03-14-2005, 01:22 PM

yes he did do a good job... but i felt that the words Thaimor used had some how became bigger then the song it's self.

~~Panda~~

Mazzie · 03-14-2005, 02:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by bruno718

So . . . what word exactly did you have trouble with? I wouldn't have to get a dictionary for any of these. To me, Thaimor just did a really good job using not so common words to rhyme.

I don't know what your native language is, but mine isn't english, so I had to really really concentrate when I read that particular part of the lyrics. He did a very good job, and I applaud (sp?) him for not using the most common words.

If you and Thamior think that you're more eloquent (had to look that word up) than others on here, then good for you.

thamior · 03-14-2005, 05:28 PM

lol, no there are plenty of people on here that have a vastly larger vocabulary than I do, but most people around seem to think i'm pretty articulate. it doesnt often show on the boards though because I rush

. Thanks for the support