For Your Lies - Writers Forum

bruno718 · 03-02-2005, 11:14 PM

He left in all the glory a small town could give
an all american, nobody doubted that he'd live
and inspiration, let his father hold his head up high
his mother watched in silence, trying not to cry

chorus:
you sent him far away from home
you sent him to a place unknown
now he's fighting for your lies
fighting for your crimes
but isn't making a profit
always worth it?

It's been 3 weeks since his last letter was received
they're trying to keep busy, trying not to worry
but when the man comes with his stars and stripes
her knees buckle and he can barely stand the sight

(chorus)

Now she's dressed in black, tears running down her face
over the coffin, red, white and blue is draped
and as she's crying she thinks of all he could've been
how all of that's gone now just like dust in the wind

- and secretly
she wishes he hadn't been such a hero after all

and what they don't talk about
is how the town is never the same
how his father is dead inside
how his mother will always feel the pain
but it's not your problem
no it's not your problem

thamior · 03-03-2005, 05:17 AM

Very powerful, there were a few parts where the flow seemed off but other than that it was brilliantly written. The rhymes were good and the message powerful....

bruno718 · 03-04-2005, 07:27 PM

Thanks.

sudio · 03-14-2005, 05:42 PM

hiya, bruno!! just a couple of tips for this awesome piece ... (oh boy, do i ever like it mucho!)

the verses should have uniform syllables (of course, the syllable count is all up to you, the writer)... ex:

verse 1, line 1: 12 syllables
verse 2, line 1: "
verse 3, line 1: "

verse 1, line 2: 13 syllables
veser 2, line 2: "
verse 3, line 2: "

and on and on ... you get the gist ... it's the law of lyrics

recommendation: hone this piece and have it composed!!

LettersToTheBlind · 03-14-2005, 09:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sudio

the verses should have uniform syllables (of course, the syllable count is all up to you, the writer)... ex:

...

and on and on ... you get the gist ... it's the law of lyrics

i'm inclined to disagree with that "law of the lyrics" thing. Sure, uniform lyrics often make sense, but you can also start singing on different beats or utilize melisma within the lines. It really all depends on how it fits with the music, assuming there already is some.

bruno718 · 03-15-2005, 09:29 PM

Yeah . . . the syllable thing I try my best on. And I did write the music for it; the lyrics fit pretty well. But yeah, it's a lot easier when the syllables for every line fit, but as Letterstotheblind said, it doesn't always have to fit perfectly because of at what point the vocals come in, etc.

thamior · 03-16-2005, 05:13 AM

people like strict syllables but syllables are probally the easiest to get around based upon how fast you sing the line. Anyone that knows anything about rythyms can easily make lines that dont exactly "match" work anyway.