3 new songs - Writers Forum

thamior · 01-29-2005, 10:08 AM

Well i'm going to post them in the hopes that someone will enjoy them because no one has helped me by critiquing my songs recently. Anyway I havent written much in awhile but I just had a burst of inspiration and I want to share some of it in the hopes that people will like it and that someone may be able to help improve my writing.

Life's Crazy

I need some peace,
as I retreat into my mind.
But i'm not alone,
in my lonliest confine.
Voices here, tellin' me what to do,
Its no diffrent than the real-world too.

Chorus:
Call me crazy if you like,
but everyones insane inside.
I just wanna' be me,
without these voices,
tellin' me how to be.

Findin' the strength,
to fight back and lash out.
Building up the courage,
to finally say what im about.
They try to supress anyone,
that disagrees, with their created one.

*repeat chorus*
*repeat chorus*

Finding the answers in many places,
the voices are everywhere in my thoughts.
eavesdropping,
never pleased,
never leaving me.

I just wanna be me,
not anyone eles' perception see.
I'm my own individual,
Charting my own destiny.
Never listen to the voices in my head,
when I do it'll be my death.

*repeat chorus*
*repeat chorus*

-----------------------------------------------------

Dark society

A single tear drops,
among the million.
Alone hope knocks,
tryin' to get in.
A flood will come soon,
made with our tears,
exposing our wounds.

slowly everything,
falls apart.
And everybody,
loses heart.
What did we fight for,
does it even matter anymore?

Chorus:
Just one to stand against the masses,
swept away as everyone else passes.
No room for thought or question,
no time to listen or show compassion.
One trying to figure things out,
wanting to know what lifes about.
Alone,
in this dark society...

It seems this life's not enough,
all these people constantly complain,
but tough.
When will they learn true pain,
finally end their ignorance,
and change their stance.

No one can trust anyone,
and chaos creates it all.
Evil's havin' too much fun,
and with sin we build our wall.

*repeat chorus*

Fallin' down all alone,
I'm cold and chilled to the bone.
No one around to help me,
no one here to see.

*repeat chorus*

-------------------------------------------------

Flyin' off to my destiny

FLyin' with the wind right below me,
flyin' high th'entire world I can see.
Wondering,
who I am.
What am I to be?

Chorus:
Flyin' high with newfound wings,
Flyin' free as the song bird sings.
Life's a far flung melody,
I'm flyin off to my destiny.

Fallin' apart as I go through clouds,
goin' up without lookin' down.
I'm afraid of what i'll see.
and theres no one around.

*repeat chorus*

Goin' at the speed of light,
My life's quickly goin' outta' sight.
Way too fast,
I can't see.
Threatenin' to envelop me in night.

*repeat chorus*

Well tell me what you think

.

Mystery · 01-29-2005, 04:03 PM

nice lyrics, although the topics dont fit with each other

I like the 1st verse of second song the most tho.

thamior · 01-31-2005, 04:13 AM

do you mean none of the songs topics are like each other? yeah well I think about man different things at once

.
If you mean titles i'm very bad at naming my stuff, anywyas thanks for the comment, and I happen to find verse 1 of song 1 to be my favorite

evadri · 02-02-2005, 01:11 AM

Hi thamior. Nice stuff. Some of it is a little predictable, but it is still well phrased and I'm sure fits into the music well. I would really like to hear the chorus of 'Dark Society' sung.

My fav part was the second verse of 'Life's Crazy", to me it seemed the most original part, with words I haven't heard a lot in songs.

I think it's important to choose specific, descriptive words etc, like you've used 'envelop', 'confine', 'supress'. It's important, b/c lyricists have to get a clear idea across using very few words. (Gee, I say things that I really don't do enough in my own work...theory is great, but practise is hard.)

Maybe a little more imagery wouldn't go astray, but it's good stuff.

thamior · 02-03-2005, 07:04 PM

The hardest thing in writing lyrics is expressing what you want to everyone while making it sound beautiful at the same time. It's hard to reach that medium because if you do strike it then your just mediocre to everyone. However I realize that my work can't be perfect anyway, I think your comments on cliche were the best. I admit finding the right flow and rhymes are hard and its why I prefer simple schemes with less structure, but those tend to muddle the meaning which I feel is most important. I know i'll get better but the extent of my vocabulary is growing and I feel as I progress each song of mine creates its own reflection of me, but I find some words and rhymes stuck in my head I always use them and though I want an image of me I need to get out of that focus.

evadri · 02-03-2005, 07:46 PM

Good luck

. Just remember not everything you do has to be perfect or to an industry standard. It can be utter rubbish that you never show to anyone, but if it helps you progress in your feild, it's good. It's worth it to experiment, even if it doesn't always work out.