Testing the waters... (lyric removed) - Writers Forum

evadri · 01-12-2005, 08:04 PM

Hi. I'm a newbie (hehe, I like that word, say it slowly 'new-bie...') I thought I'd just throw something out here and see how it goes. I wrote it a while ago, I think it needs a better title. In anycase, what are your impressions?

*lyric removed*

penny · 01-14-2005, 12:34 AM

Hi you cool newbe,
Very tidy. You have a great economy with words. I bet this sings well. I like the cadence.
No chorus or hook?
Good stuff- thank you very much. This one was a treat.
penny/ken

evadri · 01-14-2005, 05:16 AM

Thankyou so much penny! And I think you're right, it does sing well.

The closest thing to a hook would be the 'maybe love' part. It is though, more like two verses, a bridge, and a verse. The third stanza has a different melody, higher pitched. I guess it's a somewhat old fashioned song. It reminds me a little of 'When I fall in love'. (but about the opposite concept of course!)

Anyway, that's just by way of a little explaination.
Thanks a lot for your kind comments, very much appreciated, I feel all warm and fuzzy inside now.

commander221 · 01-20-2005, 08:40 PM

Hey evadri, great song. I'm a newbie as well, and I really like your song. It is very short though, but maybe you have music to fill it up. Well i dont have any revisions, because i think it is fine the way it is. Maybe you could add to it some kind of chorus. Keep up the good work.
Joe

thamior · 01-28-2005, 04:40 AM

i'd say may it longer, Imay not agree with the message

but its a good song, make it longer and treat us to some more.

evadri · 02-02-2005, 01:00 AM

Thanks thamior. I don't always agree with the message either, it's just a bit of an indulgence for when you're feeling down. It isn't definate, it's just a 'maybe'.

I'll put up another one presently