beginning lyrics - postdated to myself - Writers Forum

ketch · 11-30-2004, 10:04 AM

when was the first time
you walked on down that street
when was the first time
you had the chance to meet

and i search for reasons why
and i search for reasons why

when was the first time
you stepped inside the door
when was the first time
you didnt care anymore

and i search for reasons why
and i search for reasons why

now this is the last time
youll slip between the sheets
now this is the last time
that we'll ever meet, again

and i didnt see this coming
and i shouldve seen this coming

when is the next time
your day will simonize
whe is the next time
you'll fall beneath the tide

and i search for reasons why
and i search for reasons why...

Mystery · 12-01-2004, 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ketch

when was the first time
you walked on down that street
when was the first time
you had the chance to meet

and i search for reasons why
and i search for reasons why

when was the first time
you stepped inside the door
when was the first time
you didnt care anymore

and i search for reasons why
and i search for reasons why

now this is the last time
youll slip between the sheets
now this is the last time
that we'll ever meet, again

and i didnt see this coming
and i shouldve seen this coming

when is the next time
your day will simonize
whe is the next time
you'll fall beneath the tide

and i search for reasons why
and i search for reasons why...

I liked it, but the first chorus' rhyme makes no sense, "last time you'll ever meet", meet what who when how why?

mammamaia · 12-03-2004, 02:32 PM

has possibilities but some of it makes no sense... go over it as if someone you don't like wrote it and you should see what i mean...

Gulf Whiskey · 12-03-2004, 04:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mammamaia

has possibilities but some of it makes no sense... go over it as if someone you don't like wrote it and you should see what i mean...

Wow. Thats actually a pretty good bit of advice.

mammamaia · 12-04-2004, 02:17 PM

yeah, it's the best way to proof your work... we're so in love with what we write that we often don't see the most horrendous goofs, no matter how many times we go over it...

so i always tell my mentees to pretend they hate the writer when they proofread their own work... it sure saves me a lot of underlining, highlighting, and explaining, if they'll do it!

Gulf Whiskey · 12-04-2004, 06:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mammamaia

yeah, it's the best way to proof your work... we're so in love with what we write that we often don't see the most horrendous goofs, no matter how many times we go over it...

so i always tell my mentees to pretend they hate the writer when they proofread their own work... it sure saves me a lot of underlining, highlighting, and explaining, if they'll do it!

I can see where this makes alot of sense. I see it being very hard for someone to actually be able to truly do that. I am one of those people that become very attached to my work. So, looking at it from a hateful view is quite hard. But, if someone can manage to be able to truly give their work a hateful view, it sounds like it may work wonders. Myself, I always say to read over your work about 50 to 100 times, if there are words you keep stumbling over, get rid of them and find better ones.This can at least help your flow. I think combining these two strategies may be of great help.

Mystery · 12-08-2004, 02:32 PM

If you look at your work in any other mannor than yours, then its not your words.
And if you go off and give me crap about it not working since many great people do it, you didnt get the point.

Gulf Whiskey · 12-09-2004, 01:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mystery

If you look at your work in any other mannor than yours, then its not your words.
And if you go off and give me crap about it not working since many great people do it, you didnt get the point.

No one is giving you crap. What are you talking about. These forums are designed to help others with the works, not 'give crap'. If advice is truly felt not to be helpful, just don't take the advice. People try to help in the only manners they know how.

Mystery · 12-10-2004, 12:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gulf Whiskey

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mystery

If you look at your work in any other mannor than yours, then its not your words.
And if you go off and give me crap about it not working since many great people do it, you didnt get the point.

No one is giving you crap. What are you talking about. These forums are designed to help others with the works, not 'give crap'. If advice is truly felt not to be helpful, just don't take the advice. People try to help in the only manners they know how.

you havent been here long enough to know, lots of kiddies out there just waiting to say something stupid, not everyone is as mature as me you thamior etc.