baldrick

I didnt ask, not for lack of asking,
I didnt say, not for want of saying
If we didnt try, it was lack of trying,
At all sounds pretty made up

Excuse me if it sounds pretentious
But to me its just precious
We will all fade away,
So ill live just for today

Chorus

In everything we say, everything we do,
Id like to think it was for the good
But I cant shoulder the responsibility
For someones negativity x2


If life seems so far away
Then go out and have a little play
Cos we all are here,
So I try to shed a tear

Chorus x2


When I grew up, life was so clear,
And everything was so near,
But now what I can see
Is trying to blind me

I see the fields of green,
And children so keen
To become what they want, until they give in to other peoples taunts

So my final words to you,
Is of what you already knew,
So keep smiling through it all,
And go around walking tall.

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2 cows, a datchund named colin, and a hen, in its late forties

demonic_harmonic

That part sounds a little awkward


Make sure to just put I'll here, instead of ill...heheh...




Very good for your first post here though.

Pawn

Good stuff.

Should read "It all sounds pretty made up."

Not sure about this. Try and scrap the away/today rhyme, it's pure *yawn*.

Not good at all, dear boy. Predictable, mundane rhymes (away/play, here/tear). Were I you, I'd just get rid of this entirely.

More good stuff. The finali is also very nice. This is good work; shame about the 'go out and have a little play' verse.

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C.A
Carpe Noctem
superlatenight.com

baldrick

cheers for the good advice all. will bear in mind the next time i write brilliantly astute lyrics. te he

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2 cows, a datchund named colin, and a hen, in its late forties