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Lyrics Original Song Lyrics.

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Old 11-21-2004, 07:12 PM   #1
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 14
ketch
micawber's rise

whys it always meant for me
oh this never ending possibility
and your waking up dead on the street
feeling we never quite had the chance to meet

you failed but your back now on your feet
now you’re spitting on the roots of a tree
and your house is burning up quickly
raindrops falling at the bottom of a dream

the line is being drawn from the seem
oh this never ending actuality
and your choking on your breathe in a beat
kneeling and kissing at the feet of a queen

the sprinkles that are falling from a cheek
now your laughing at a man on bended knee
and your life is weighing down constantly
last chance has closed the door behind you finally
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Old 11-23-2004, 12:08 AM   #2
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Location: Where dusty cowboys belong.
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Gilead
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Interesting, Ketch. Yet the rules and the norms mostly used by other songwriter are being defied here, there is no chorus...it is even harder to make out 'coherence'. The connection is hard to set between each verse and everytime it is read, it's giving out a new meaning and on third or fourth read...it gets hard to understand. I'd suggest a rewrite, impossible as it may seem it's not without promise and can be churned into a good lyric. Here's my suggestion to get you started;

"It's always meant for me
Steering me towards wayward impossibility
If you woke up dead on the street...
Why didn't we ever had the chance to meet?

Failing made you turn your back on self esteem
No use now shredding away the roots of this decree
When my house got burned from the sleet...
The raindrops charred it. It was all a dream"


This is p'raps the best I can come up with, but it's certainly not the best one can offer. Hopefully there'll be many more comments to this one which may help you make your piece better. After these 2 verses try to trigger in a chorus. It'll give the song a new dimension to brag about. Also if possible, lose the similar rhyming you've been following by the end of each line. Can make your stuff well.

Peace out.
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