Sentimental kills - Writers Forum

delusion · 11-05-2004, 02:56 PM

Hi Everyone,
This is my first lyric. (Not exactly the lyric, just like a simple poetry). Please feel free to give me any advice. Thanks

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No more tears
No more daydreams
No more waitings
Everything should keep in usual way
I think I know what you mean

If you are just out of your mind
If you are just out of control
Don't try to let me get in

I don't want to lose something.
I'm also afraid something lost
If you know me
Oh baby, if you know me
Maybe you should just leave me away

It's just something about sentimental kills
It's just something about sentimental kills

kerpoe · 11-17-2004, 10:32 PM

well, I dont see any structure. I see 3 lines comprising one paragraph, and that cannot be, for properly music is organized evenly by twos. If you re-do some of your structure I can properly analyze your lyrics.

KERpoe

mammamaia · 11-18-2004, 12:23 PM

ditto kerpoe's comments... and i also find much of the grammar/syntax muddled... as if your first language is other than english...

imo, folks should be acquainted with the basics of writing lyrics, before attempting to write one... it's a specialized craft within the art of writing, and takes study, learning, and practice to master, just like any other art/craft...