The Fruit on the Tree - Writers Forum

Mr. Arson · 10-31-2004, 02:43 AM

Threw this together just now. Any wording or flow problems you notice would be nice to know about. I was thinking an Emo style for it.

As the Moon shines on your face
My heart breaks because I know

Like the mountains in the west
You're just out of my reach

Your beauty leads me on
like the ever nearing mountain top

To my greatest dismay
You're right there, but I can't have you

You're the apple of my eye
But you're the apple on the tree
To love you is to hurt you
And to hold you it to bind you

I ask nothing of you now
I am not ready for this

I have hope in the future
I know this path does end

Until we reach the summit
I have nothing to give

Don't postpone your life because of me
I'm not worth mediocrity
Be free while you can
But when that path comes ti its end,
I'll be ready too

mammamaia · 10-31-2004, 10:56 AM

sorry, it may be a poem, but it's not a song lyric... it has no structure [verse/chorus/bridge]... and it has no musical flow, or meter... plus, most song lyrics have some sort of rhyme scheme and this has none...

if you want to learn how to write lyrics, sheila davis' how-to is the best... i learned the craft from this prolific lyricist way back when, in nyc...

love and hugs, maia

kerpoe · 11-18-2004, 08:08 PM

I think that maia said it perfectly