DrDuke

Here we are. I took a break from writing serious songs and wrote this for my band The Graceful Failures.

I got my first date in 5 years,
Usually they’re turned off,
By my bashing of queers,
When I try to contact them,
They’re reduced to tears,


The things we could do culminate in my mind,
Beating the old or tripping the blind,
Stealing from the vagrants and the homeless,


My idea of fun is not quite like you others,
Stabbing my uncle or my mothers brothers,
People think I’m kinda crazy,
So what if derive joy from anothers pain,
You call me crazy or you call me insane,
So I’m gonna have to strangle a puppy,


She got a restraining order on me,
So I’m outside sitting in a tree,
Bought the best binoculars I could find,
I think an alien is invading my mind,
I take a swing and begin to fall,
Luckily the tree is not to tall,
My sternums bleeding and I’m in a rut,
I thought she came to help but she kicked me in the gut,


My idea of fun is not quite like you others,
Stabbing my uncle or my mothers brothers,
People think I’m kinda crazy,
So what if derive joy from anothers pain,
You call me crazy or you call me insane,
So I’m gonna have to strangle a puppy,

Pawn

Fun.

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riadohaed

haha entertaining

DrDuke

Thanks guys. Anbody got some crits? Something i could improve upon?
Regards,



DrDuke

DrDuke

Anybody?

teflon

Because it is a song, maybe don't split hairs on the structure. Good rhythm, fitting music, good feeling will carry the lyrics. This song, to sincere music, can become perfect.

Remember, most poetry and lyrics are mean to be not for the visual technical reading but for the stage.

constantin tsapas

Graceful Failures. Will give critism for the origin of the band's name.

Gulf Whiskey

I haven't really heard your word to music, so I can't give an adequate critiquing of you should change. But, what I can say for advice is to read over your work at leats 20 ot 30 times. If ever in these time you stumble over any words, get rid of or change them. Everything should flow perfectly. This is the second of your lyrics that I have read, and both of which I have liked. Some of your words are elemetary, but some are great. I like where you are going in your lyrics--originality. I am a huge fan of Ween for the lack of structure and following of the "rules." I think you walk the same path, and I admire that. keep working hard and always try to take every bit of advice you can get, be it negative or possitive. Best of luck to you. Keep posting.

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