pec771

Time was …
When a smile was a friend, and the day couldn’t end
On a frown, or a down or a tear
When to wake was a joy, and the life of a boy
Meant a promise of laughter so near
With a head oh so clear,
And the meaning of fear
Was the cry of an owl in the night

Distance …
Images fade, faces are blurred, and bleak is the word
On lips that forgot how to smile
Where the nights never end, and the nearest friend
Lies empty, and all of the while
The clock doesn’t move
And with nothing to prove
(I know)
We will meet again very soon

Make it real, make it so
Let the memories go
To a place where the light always shines
With no shadows, no screams
And the dreams are just dreams
And the glory of morning is mine

Wait …
For a sign, for a clue, for a reason to do
The things that we do every day
A word or a smile, from a stranger and I’ll
See a colour that’s different from grey
Come the next breath
Take me nearer to death
Or a sleep that will lighten the load

Make it real, make it so
Let the memories go
To a place where the light always shines
With no shadows, no screams
And the dreams are just dreams
And the light of the dawning is mine

Why …
Aren’t we warned of the dangers, the strangers
Who visit when spirits are down
Unwelcome, unloved, a cloud from above
Raining tears of an unsmiling clown
On a desolate field
Where the desperate yield
Is a crop where no life can be found

Make it real, make it so
Let the memories go
To a place where the light always shines
With no shadows, no screams
And the dreams are just dreams
And the promise of daylight is mine

__________________
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Rise up out of your box
You have nothing to lose but your wafers

thamior

I think the frist verse could use a little work, not in content but in rhyming. However the rest was excellent, it had a good flow, feel, and the rhymes were great. I really liked this.

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Dark and Shattered Lands

pec771

Crikey, that was quick! Thanks for the advice ... and yes, it is a bit clunky. My excuse is it that it's the first thing I've ever done and it was 1 in the morning when I did it!

But thanks a bundle, much appreciated.

__________________
Revolutionary biscuits of Italy
Rise up out of your box
You have nothing to lose but your wafers

thamior

your reply was quick too . well good job anyway, it was a graet song, made me think.

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Dark and Shattered Lands

Mystery

This is too poetic to be music.

__________________
Let's drown all our sorrows and we'll be gone till tomorrow...

Dies Irae, Dies Ilia, Solvet Saeclum In Favilla...

Yes, must still shut up.

mammamaia

as i'm both a lyricist and poet [among other things], i have to agree with mystery... with just a bit of work, it could be a very fine poem... but it doesn't read/sound like a lyric...

it has a 'lyrical' [as in 'poetic'] flow, but no musical feel to it and is too wordy for a song, imo... in lyrics, the lines need to be shorter and the meaning more direct... c/w can handle longer lines, but this is clearly not in that genre...

it's a good piece of work, nevertheless...

love and hugs, maia

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Mystery

You have no idea what i or you are talking about.
Its too poetic means its got no flow, but sounds nice to read, all songs and lyrics have to flow or they cant be sung

Interpretation of the quadrilateral root of extraveggant innovation
THat sentence has no flow, but sounds intelligent if you read it ¬¬

In the end it all comes together with a tear from your heart and a cry from your mother

IT flows and sounds nice, thats a lyric.

Also you can be as long as you want in lyrics, becuase one line is just that, and once you pass it its a line, its not getting any bigger.

__________________
Let's drown all our sorrows and we'll be gone till tomorrow...

Dies Irae, Dies Ilia, Solvet Saeclum In Favilla...

Yes, must still shut up.

Mystery

You have no idea what i or you are talking about.
Its too poetic means its got no flow, but sounds nice to read, all songs and lyrics have to flow or they cant be sung

Interpretation of the quadrilateral root of extraveggant innovation
THat sentence has no flow, but sounds intelligent if you read it ¬¬

In the end it all comes together with a tear from your heart and a cry from your mother

IT flows and sounds nice, thats a lyric.

Also you can be as long as you want in lyrics, becuase one line is just that, and once you pass it its a line, its not getting any bigger.

__________________
Let's drown all our sorrows and we'll be gone till tomorrow...

Dies Irae, Dies Ilia, Solvet Saeclum In Favilla...

Yes, must still shut up.

Mystery

You have no idea what i or you are talking about.
Its too poetic means its got no flow, but sounds nice to read, all songs and lyrics have to flow or they cant be sung

Interpretation of the quadrilateral root of extraveggant innovation
THat sentence has no flow, but sounds intelligent if you read it ¬¬

In the end it all comes together with a tear from your heart and a cry from your mother

IT flows and sounds nice, thats a lyric.

Also you can be as long as you want in lyrics, becuase one line is just that, and once you pass it its a line, its not getting any bigger.

__________________
Let's drown all our sorrows and we'll be gone till tomorrow...

Dies Irae, Dies Ilia, Solvet Saeclum In Favilla...

Yes, must still shut up.

pec771

Thanks y'all. Advice taken on board and agreed with. Refinement urgently needed.

Much appreciated.

__________________
Revolutionary biscuits of Italy
Rise up out of your box
You have nothing to lose but your wafers

kerpoe

everything else already said...nice work

Gulf Whiskey

I very much liked it. Yes, a bit clunky at first, but still delightful in imagery. In disagreeance with mystery, I found the flow fine. It is very hard to read lyrics that are meant for music and capture the flow. Especially when someone else has written it to his/her own tune. I design my chord structures on my guitar before writing my lyrics. When I sing the lyrics, they flow. When I read my lyrics, they seem to lack flow. Lyrics are not like poems where you can easily find the flow. Also, there is nothing wrong to me about a song being poetic. In many instances, a poetic song is much more delightful. I enjoyed these lyrics and assume them to be much better to whatever instrument they were meant for. Best of luck to you.

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TheUnnamedhero

I like it. I like to take my poetry and use it as a song sometimes. it works. Not with everything, but it does work generally. So, even though this is poetic sounding I'll bet it makes a really good song. Good job, keep it up.

thamior

lyrics can b wordy, its all in how you sing it.

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Dark and Shattered Lands