My original lyric - Writers Forum

Jacob · 10-05-2004, 01:17 PM

Chorus

This Invisible rose
Stands so very close
and nobody knows
that its even there
Its poison to me
I bleed as it seeps
I need to be free
But everybody just stares
at this invisible rose

Verse 1

This is my suddle end
It takes me away from you
This is my only friend
Who can see me right through
Its what I hold on to
Its my inside and out
I've got nothing to prove
Its what Im about

Verse 2

Hands held so high
am I under arrest
Dont wanna die
But you've got the best
Is it so hard to beleive me
Why do you look away
I don't see why you treat me
Like we just met today

I would like to hear if anyone can figure out what the invisible rose is?

poltergeist · 12-18-2004, 10:00 PM

someone he cares for but who doesn't know it?
one other thing-go back and look at your "its" b/c most of them are contractions for "it is" which is "it's" not "its"-just tryin to help

Gulf Whiskey · 12-19-2004, 03:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by poltergeist

someone he cares for but who doesn't know it?
one other thing-go back and look at your "its" b/c most of them are contractions for "it is" which is "it's" not "its"-just tryin to help

This are lyrics. The 'its' are meant to be heard, not exactly read. But, yes, it was a grammatical error.

On my side of the critiquing. I like the some of the imagery with the invisible rose, but there is one part that got me. The very beginning of the song you stated that non one could see the invisible rose yet a few lines down you state that everyone can't stop staring at it. I am not getting the connection.

Mouse · 12-19-2004, 04:38 AM

Lyrics

Mystery · 12-19-2004, 11:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gulf Whiskey

Quote:

Originally Posted by poltergeist

someone he cares for but who doesn't know it?
one other thing-go back and look at your "its" b/c most of them are contractions for "it is" which is "it's" not "its"-just tryin to help

This are lyrics. The 'its' are meant to be heard, not exactly read. But, yes, it was a grammatical error.

On my side of the critiquing. I like the some of the imagery with the invisible rose, but there is one part that got me. The very beginning of the song you stated that non one could see the invisible rose yet a few lines down you state that everyone can't stop staring at it. I am not getting the connection.

Their looking at nothing?
Their looking at what they cant reach?
Their wanting what they cant have?

Its called metaphor, not everything is as it seems.

Nice lyrics, liked it.

Gulf Whiskey · 12-19-2004, 10:09 PM

Yes, I know what a metaphor is. To me, that is what I found as not quite right. I am merely inquiring about the meaning of the metaphors because not all metaphors are good metaphors.