Haunting me - Writers Forum

Shy_Love · 07-26-2004, 07:38 PM

Hello everybody! Yet again...I'm posting another song in hopes of making it better. This song was wrote to my ex boyfriend.... it seems like he longs to see me and the love of my life brake apart. He's always there and I can't get him to leave! Which I figure you'll see in the song. Most of this song is yelled....not really yelled but.....Ok...Have you heard evanesence? She sings high hard notes and they all are screaming. Thats the type of yelling that this is.....Kinda hard to explain but I wanted to at least try....Here I go....

1st verse
Insanity
is all that you have left me
I crave to know
how long till your face will go

Chorus
Haunting me
your seem to never go away
I can not breath
your suffecting me with your ways

2nd verse
Screaming
I scream in hopes that you will hear
I want you to go
I need you to leave me and him/ alone

Chorus
Haunting me
you seem to never go away
I can not breath
your suffecting me with your ways

Bridge
I don't want you around/ can't you see I'm love
all you do is hold me to the ground
There's no feelings i've left for you.
I'm sorry if that hurts but its/ true

Chorus 2 times/ cool ending
Haunting me
you seem to never go away
I can not breath
your suffecting me/ with your ways ( after me those words are held long and at a high note )

Please help me out folks!

Mouse · 07-26-2004, 09:49 PM

I think you still love him?
I've gotta fly, I'll peep in later.

Respect.....Mouse..

Shy_Love · 07-26-2004, 11:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mouse

I think you still love him?
I've gotta fly, I'll peep in later.

Respect.....Mouse..

You couldn't be more wrong! I'm not in love with him at all! I'm 100% in love with my boyfriend (who has been so for about 7 months ) my ex means nothing to me. He's just causing to much crap that I can't help but write a song about it... Trust me when I say this...The only people I am truely in love with is God and Matt ( my boyfriend ).

Mouse · 07-27-2004, 02:51 AM

Why are you writing a song about him?
Even though it's a lyric to rid him from
your life. You still have feelings for him.

Respect.................Mouse..

Mystery · 07-27-2004, 06:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shy_Love

Hello everybody! Yet again...I'm posting another song in hopes of making it better. This song was wrote to my ex boyfriend.... it seems like he longs to see me and the love of my life brake apart. He's always there and I can't get him to leave! Which I figure you'll see in the song. Most of this song is yelled....not really yelled but.....Ok...Have you heard evanesence? She sings high hard notes and they all are screaming. Thats the type of yelling that this is.....Kinda hard to explain but I wanted to at least try....Here I go....
(Hehe, if you want someone to go away, dont play on their hate, play on your forgiving)

1st verse
Insanity
is all that you have left me
I crave to know(starve could fit better if its high sounds, more intense)
how long till your face will go

Chorus
Haunting me
your seem to never go away
I can not breath
your (suffocating) me with your ways(spelling again :>)

2nd verse
Intensified(screaming is intense speech

, here im referring to anger/hate)
I scream in hopes that you will hear
I want you to go
I want you to be far not near(changed to keep the I want)
(you put 3 lines in a row with I, then broke the second word rhyme.
Chorus
Haunting me
you seem to never go away
I can not breath
your suffecting me with your ways

Bridge
I don't want you around/ can't you see I'm love<---too hatilly
all you do is hold me to the ground
my life is fine/ with out you here
I'm sorry if this hurts my dear(ehem, this is something you use for people you like/love)

Chorus/ cool ending
Haunting me
you seem to never go away
you always seem to stay(added line)<-- dunno, just came out

I can't (open my mouth to) breath
your (suffocating) me/ with your ways ( after me those words are held long and at a high note )

Please help me out folks!

Evanescense doesnt screem, she holds deep and high notes, its got the almost effect of screaming but without the strain on your voice. Listen to linking parks By myself if you want to hear screaming (GO LP)

Thats what I gotta say.
And Evanescense has a song called Haunted thas Japanese Pop. ITs pretty similar, so I'm thinking you based it off that. If you have its not bad. But you should try changing some of the rep a little, maybe line lenght to make it different. I'll give you the words for that song latter so you can see how it is.

Quote:

Chorus

Haunting me
Haunting me
I can feel you pull me down
fear in you
Loving you
I know i hate you so much(i think)

Thats its chorus.

Shy_Love · 07-27-2004, 08:55 AM

Oh gee....thats sounds alot like my song...I'll need to fix that.....and as for her singing....everything she sings comes out of her thoat. I know because she's who I practice my singing to her songs.... I'v tried it many ways and in parts she does sing the way I'v been taught but other then that she is kinda screaming in parts.... Either way I love her voice and music!

Mouse dude....I do not have feelings toward him. I have feelings toward the things he's doing to me....I'm upset and frustated with everything going on with him. I would love it if he would just leave. Be gone and I would never see him again. It sounds mean but he's put me through more crap then I have time to talk about.....for a while he was gone and God brought this awesome guy into my life....now he's back...and bugging me.. I wrote a song about it because I write a song about every. Maybe I have a feeling of wanting him to leave...but its not love! I was never " in love" with him....what we had was fake....

thamior · 07-27-2004, 09:25 AM

I like the song except for the part where you say my dear, just doesnt seem to fit but if you like it thats all that matters.

Shy_Love · 07-27-2004, 10:03 AM

LoL..thank you...I said my dear as to show him that I'm not trying to be mean....its just the way things are....sorta hard to explain..if theres something you think might fit better let me know....

thamior · 07-27-2004, 11:08 AM

im on it i dont know if i could tho.

Mystery · 07-27-2004, 07:43 PM

Friend/dude/mate/ex/man/kiddo/dickhead....
I could think of so manny

thamior · 07-28-2004, 06:40 AM

ok here we go:
(remember just a suggestion of mine if you like your way keep it its your work)

replace:

Quote:

my life is fine/ with out you here
I'm sorry if this hurts my dear

with:

There's no feelings i've left for you.
I'm sorry if that hurts but its true.

something like that.

Shy_Love · 07-28-2004, 12:47 PM

Ah! I like that! It places in here well. Thank you!
Mystery... There were only a few inthere that I would use for this guy...dude/ex/****head (can I say that? No I don't think I can...I'll beep that out)
I like those 3 very much!

Mystery · 07-29-2004, 01:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shy_Love

Ah! I like that! It places in here well. Thank you!
Mystery... There were only a few inthere that I would use for this guy...dude/ex/****head (can I say that? No I don't think I can...I'll beep that out)
I like those 3 very much!

erm...
*coughs* dickhead *coughts*
See it wasnt that hard

Shy_Love · 07-29-2004, 07:58 AM

Hehe....for me it is kinda hard because I don't cuss... So I feel kinda weird when I come close to doing so. The coughs are a very nice touch though...Can't even see the word in the middle...

Mystery · 07-29-2004, 09:39 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shy_Love

Hehe....for me it is kinda hard because I don't cuss... So I feel kinda weird when I come close to doing so. The coughs are a very nice touch though...Can't even see the word in the middle...

*laughs*