Thread: My First Song. Ever.

So, as the title said, this is my very first song ever, written for a school assignment. In other words, some parts are a little more corny than I'd like, but I thought I'd leave them in for critiquing anyway.

Please be harsh!

{Chorus}
Where have the blues all gone
Seems they've been away for so long
Some say they've been shot dead
And some are sayin' they never have left

{Verse}
And when the green day's
Turned to bitter brown
And the heat's beating
The cold hard ground
Somehow things manage to work
And the line between
Doesn't notice 'til it hurts, oh

{Bridge}
Where did they go?
Where did they go?
Where did they go?
Where they ever even here?

{Verse 2}
Sometimes I confuse up from down
And there are times I can’t figure
A smile from a frown
The whole world seems mixed up
Turned all around
So I try to gain some footing
To find I’ve lost all my ground

{Chorus}

Were they ever even wanted?

Does anybody care?

Where did they go?
Where did they go?
Where did they go?
Have they ever even left?

What did you have in mind for the music?

I had a riff that was sort of a play on the main riff in "Dazed and Confused", and a few ideas for variois solos, but that's about it for now. It's definatley going to have a sort of bluesy, 60s-70s rock feel to it, though.

Yup, it defiantly feels like a 60's type rocker to me. Im feeling it.

As far as the writing itself goes I like it, it has a consistant theme and good imagry, but of course the real test is how the lyrics sound as part of a song. Some lyrics read well, but are akward sung out loud. Since I have no melody for reference, I recommend singing it to yourself a few times. Does it get stuck in your head? When the song comes to you are you compelled to sing it out loud like a crazy person? Do you enjoy singing it? The words to the song should come easily when you perform it for yourself, it should get stuck in your head even. Of course if you feel brave enough sing it to someone else or teach it to someone else and just listen. If it sounds good, if it sounds like it could be an already exsisting song (not as in it is a song and you copied it, more like they should be able to fell as if they've heard it on the radio at some point). For your first I think it's great. I know mine were not nearly so well done.

I liked it. For a first song, that was really, really good. I definitely couldn't do better.