Thread: I want the wisdom (about alcoholism)

I want the wisdom
To know the difference
Between a bright sky
And a prison

I saw your broken life
In my reflection
But to give you up
I could not imagine

Because even in the sincerity of tears
Your still my hero
And even in sobriety, you know
Your still believed in

I want the wisdom
To turn you from me
Dissolve our union
Destroy our sanctuary

This is powerful stuff. I like the premise. This is a different way of looking at it. Sure, people use that phrase all the time, but you mine it.

This is me, and though I really like the idea behind this poem I have lots of issues, but if you don't want know the result of my musings, look away now. For me, the problems start with the title, it tells the whole story so no need to read beyond it. Then there is the smaller problem of abreviations - if you want to abreviate you are, the correct form is you're, otherwiseyou are attributing possession to something unpossessed.


I want the wisdom
To know the difference
Between a bright sky
And a prison

Everyone knows the difference between sky and prision, I think I understand what you're getting at..... On second thoughts, I don't. Is this a back reference to The Ballad of Reading Gaol? If so, why? Are you wanting to say that your problem is in letting the object of your affection that you want to be able to imbue them with the wisdom to tell the difference, that their drinking is blinding their vision?

I saw your broken life
In my reflection
But to give you up
I could not imagine

Should this be in the present tense, I see your broken life? If you "saw", then all this is in the past, too late for wisdom. Apart from that, a nice idea which needs some smoothing, it verges on cliché.


Because even in the sincerity of tears
Your still my hero
And even in sobriety, you know
Your still believed in

I think we understand the sincerity of your tears, you don't need to tell us so directly - Even in my tears/you're still my hero/and in sobriety/I still believe - One question, whose sobriety, yours or his? The stanza is about your tears, there is no indication of who is now sober, the poet or the subject?

I want the wisdom
To turn you from me
Dissolve our union
Destroy our sanctuary

A bit of a problem with the logic of this stanza. Are you wanting to stop him from loving the poet, or is the poet wanting the wisdom to relinquish the drunk for the sake of the poet's own sanity? The last line is a particular problem - With all this angst, how could it be a sanctuary, there is clearly no refuge there.

Good, except wrong form of you're.