Thread: Be Together

Taking on the world with a rythm and rhyme, I look at your way
Walking down the hall I see that there is no time, I guess I'll just stay
Battling through looks that would kill a man in a blink, electrify me
Tearing down to see, so carelessy free, you do enjoy me, loving on me


It's a beautiful night in the coldest of winds, but we take it outside
Like a diamond in the rough I gotta dig you all up, searchin' to find
An apple in them eyes that are dying to shine, what is your plan?
Is it to hide from a man who could hold you like this? ground his own stand


(Chorus)
If there's a future in me, we're gonna be together
Just for one night, we're gonna live forever
Put down your glass and I'll kiss you
Because tonight we're gonna be together


By now a trigger blows on 4.am for our heads, setting fires on our hands
Dusking down the beach with no phones and out of reach, settling in sand
Land is too grand for a killer like you, leaving me your next clue
But the light is creeping in, what are you gonna do? What are you gonna do?


(Chorus)
If there's a future in me, we're gonna be together
Just for one night, we're gonna live forever
Put down your glass and I'll kiss you
Because tonight we're gonna be together


Be together, yeah

I'd def. take a listen to this song. Not bad. I'm a sucker for decent love songs, there are many but very few good ones. Part of your lyrics are cliche, but I think that's okay in this sense, because you elaborate on them for instance "Like a diamond in the rough I gotta dig you all up" I really like that, great simile. Yes diamond in the rough is over done, but the next phrase isn't used so much that i've seen in connection with the diamond in the rough. All in all I like the lyrics to this song, and if it had a decent tune I'd listen to it. Keep writing
Andrew Jonius

Writing songs is a very different skill from writing poetry, a poem will be read over carefully and each word looked at and analysed. With a song, at least on the first hearing, it will pass almost instantly, so the use of familiar, or even cliché phrases that catch the attention is almost de-rigour, think of things like "I'll do it my way" or "I can't get you out of my heart". Very often you can see that a writer has gone for a recognised phrase or saying, such as "Life is as ephemeral as the frost on the roof tiles in the morning sun or a candle in the wind" and simplified it.

Pretty good, but again, you don't have to rhyme every line. Like others have said, it borders on cliché at some points, but it is still a song I'd listen to.