Thread: and what if\thus

and what if i forget\\you and you forget me,
how could i miss you ohh sweet dear...

when world turns its back on you dont look back,
keep going on and soon it wont be black,
shining down on you theres a light,
pathing your way saying come here at last

oh my love\\what have i done to you
i do want to bring back you too

and if our ways dont ever cross
again, thats just sad
ohh i miss you sweet dear
so please come back.

first song

thy hair is not curly but strong,
i love touching it as if i to you stroke,
i declare that thee is mine at last,
cant ever leave me you know that so dont look back

you and i\\thats all we need
no one else in the world
so dont look back,oh dont look back, come to me my love
just come near me.

thus i have said already many times before
though it seems you need the hundredth note
im certain you know - just want me to reassure it
but babe - why are you doing this that way.

you and i\\thats all we need
no one else in the world
would you come down to me\\shine on me sweet love just shine on me

Originally Posted by Infested

And what if I forget you and you forget me,
How could I miss you oh, sweet dear...

When world turns its back on you dont look back,
Keep going on and soon it wont be black,
Shining down on you theres a light,
Pathing your way saying come here at last

Oh! my love what have I done to you,
I do want to bring back you too,

And if our ways dont ever cross,
Again, thats just sad,
Oh! I miss you sweet dear,
So please come back.

Thy hair is not curly but strong,
I love touching it as if I to you stroke,
I declare that thee is mine at last,
Cant ever leave me you know that so dont look back

You and I thats all we need,
No one else in the world,
So dont look back,oh dont look back, come to me my love ,
Just come near me,

Thus i have said already many times before,
Though it seems you need the hundredth note,
I'm certain you know - just want me to reassure it,
But babe - why are you doing this that way,

You and I thats all we need,
No one else in the world,
Would you come down to me,
Shine on me sweet love just shine on me

This is what your lyric should look like.

Go read my post on the song "A kiss" in this very forumn and basically apply what I said about it onto your piece.

You have no:
- Imagery
- Creativity
- Emotion/Passion
- Wit
- Interesting literate prowess

You do have:
- Recycled copy paste verses for the purpose of song lengthening
- Overuse of but and and
- Horrible grammar, punctuation and capitalization
- Horrible phrasing