Thread: I'm Weak

I never wrote a song before, I never really aspired to either, I just came into such a state of heartache recently and I was non-functional, couldn't do anything but search for sad songs on youtube.

So I wrote how I was feeling, added a bit of rhyme, and when I read it it really does express my (pathetic) feelings, it would be nice if set to some really apt music but I have no such skills. I don't really care if it's good or not, I wrote it for me, but I thought I'd share it in case anybody else might relate.

Ohh I'm weak I'm weak I'm weak,
But I have to accept it without delusion
And allow myself to feel this confusion,
And allow myself to feel heartache,
Because I love her
And I love her.

Why does love bring this worry?
Why does it overcome me?
I didn't expect this to happen to me
This connection
And chemistry,
I have to be strong to handle the gaps
And take care of my life without any lapse
But I can't
Because I miss her, and I miss her...

Life has changed it's no longer clear
I can only lean, I cannot steer
And I cannot see very far from here
I think the road forks,
But I don't know where.
But every path involves real pain
Because it's so hard to change
But it would also take a lifetime to forget her
Because I love her, and I love her

Everything is a sign, but I cannot read
She doesn't know what she does to me
If she did would it be ok?
Or would she turn and run away?
It's so hard to be sure
Nothing is simple anymore
But I can't ignore this as if not true
I can only hope for time to see this through
Time to build trust
Time to share
Time to shed the armor we wear
Time to know when everything is clear
Oh how evil hope can be,
Please don't let this destroy me,
Because I love her, and I love her,

i think it is beautiful. I do the same thing- getting heartache out on paper is a tearful exercise and probably just exacerbates the feelings but its cathartic and it leaves a record of who you were when the pain was current. Anyway, i felt the emotion and encourage you to save such lyrics. you never know what they may become

Great lyrics!~ I'm a music freak, soooo I have to ask! Are you going to edit it and possibly expand it and add a chorus?

Originally Posted by ChicagoHeart

i think it is beautiful. I do the same thing- getting heartache out on paper is a tearful exercise and probably just exacerbates the feelings but its cathartic and it leaves a record of who you were when the pain was current. Anyway, i felt the emotion and encourage you to save such lyrics. you never know what they may become

Thank you for this, I didn't actually think anybody replied till I came back just now. On reading it again, it soooo captured how I was feeling. Things have evolved since then, we're much closer now, talking about the future. I may even show her these lyrics eventually.

Originally Posted by Celestial-Ultimatum

Great lyrics!~ I'm a music freak, soooo I have to ask! Are you going to edit it and possibly expand it and add a chorus?

Thank you so much for responding. I haven't really looked back since I wrote it. I read it a couple more times when I was low but didn't think about expanding it. It would be hard now because the mood is quite different. If I wrote another song now I'm afraid it would jusr be sappy. Nothing is more iinspiring than real pain and suffering.

WOW. I'm going through this type of stuff as I type. Been dwelling on it all month. This is awesome, I like how you go back a forth.. because that's how it is for me as well.

Very good emotion in these lyrics. The structure of course is off, you do need to edit as Celestial Ultimatum suggested, but this is so heartfelt many could relate. As always, strong emotion poured out in words can make a song phenomenal if you wanted to take it that far. Example Adele's: "Someone like you". Think about singing what your writing, if the words don't mesh maybe it is poetry instead of lyrics. A song is always singable.

I really like this. I like how it has a sort of random structure (I mean that in a good way), it really fits well with the feelings being expressed by the words.

I think we all can relate to some degree, and I liked it and was moved by it. So glad to hear that two months later things worked out! Now how about an upbeat poem to celebrate?

And, a bit of advice from an old lady who learned this the hard way: To make love last forever, appreciate what they think are their best quailties, and be gentle and careful if you must remind them of what they know are their worst. Make them feel good about themselves, and they will always love you. Above all, since this a woman you love, and you are a man (and can't help that), learn to listen between the lines. Acknowledge her feelings, even if you don't understand them.

Just FYI, please do not take offense at my criticism. It is only meant to be constructive. I know many writing lyrics on here are not songwriters, this seems to be more of a poetry forum. Just so you know, I am a songwriter and I write poetry on the side or turn my poetry into songs all the time, so I do know a little about writing songs. I have been doing it for years now. I also sing and have performed and written music with other musicians. I have written songs for other musicians as well. I never mean to knock anyone's work. I respect all types of writing, and you do have a gift. If you really wanted to you could make this into a really good song. Just so you know and maybe I am tooting my horn a little, but the poem I wrote in the poetry section of this forum has been published. The song I wrote "My everything" I am recording for my children to a swing beat with a jazzy feel. I know many on here are mostly poets, which is super similar to being a lyricist, the difference is a song has a repeat of a chorus and sometimes a bridge. Also usually in a chorus there is one or two lines repeated, usually the main theme or point. Happy writing to you!

Fossie, you just gave me an idea! I also have written songs, both lyrics and music, and have found a recording studio nearby and a talented band, so I should have a CD ready in about a year. Lots to do first... must create sheet music (have the computer program) with arrangements (the band is helping). Then there's the practice time needed. If it's ready a year from now I'll frankly be surprised. But at least we are starting.

That said, why don't we make a thread in the poetry forum JUST FOR SONGS! I think I will start one, and see if anyone jumps in.

That sounds fun! I hope you post your results! Do you mean a spot on here to share recordings? Cause there is a spot for lyrics already

Oh? I didn't know we had a lyrics section. I went ahead and created a thread in poetry, but will ask to have that removed if it's a duplicate. And, no, wasn't thinking of recordings. However, it's easy enough to link to a recording that you have stored somewhere on the web.

Hey everybody, thanks for your posts, I haven't been here for like a month, or so, so it was neat to log on and see a bunch of thoughtful posts. Things continue to be up and down with us, we're still together but she's so moody and often all over the map. I guess I need to write a song about that next, songs come best just when I'm on the verge of going crazy - and I'm getting there.

I appreciate the feedback that my song isn't really a song, more like a poem. I agree. The suggestion was to try to sing it, but that's where I am useless, cannot sing and have no sense of it. If anybody wants to take a stab at reworking it to be more musically amenable, I'd love to see it and won't be offended by any constructive criticism.

My main goal was to capture the feelings, because those can be fleeting and hard to come back to write about if not done in the heat of the moment. The rest can be worked out later, I guess, or maybe it should just stay a poem. In any case it's nice that some people out there got the intended feelings from it. I hope never to feel like that again, but I'm in just another bad place now, so more songs (poems) might be coming.

Thanks again everybody

Originally Posted by Phyllis

I think we all can relate to some degree, and I liked it and was moved by it. So glad to hear that two months later things worked out! Now how about an upbeat poem to celebrate?

And, a bit of advice from an old lady who learned this the hard way: To make love last forever, appreciate what they think are their best quailties, and be gentle and careful if you must remind them of what they know are their worst. Make them feel good about themselves, and they will always love you. Above all, since this a woman you love, and you are a man (and can't help that), learn to listen between the lines. Acknowledge her feelings, even if you don't understand them.

Fantastic advice, thank you. I try hard to be understanding and flexible on those things that I don't understand and seem like negative feedback. It's so easy to miscommunicate and misinterpret, especially when primal emotions get in the way. I try my best but like you say, I'm a man and I have my blind spots, like we all do. The woman also has to be understanding and realize that men aren't really so different, we have feelings too and can be hurt just as bad.