Thread: Not of the World [Christian lyrics]

Tell me what you think?

Verse 1
I was a former prisoner of the prince of demons,
Used to follow his commands, thought it was just my convenience.
Then I learned the truth, he was using me as a tool,
To get some more lost souls gathered for the end war.

Whole life thought it was my own, then I found out it wasn't.
Used to live my life for me, cause I thought that's all that mattered.
Everything I thought I knew, they all shattered,
And became replaced with new knowledge, new wisdom, new life.

Got cancer cut from my heart, with a knife,
Spirit of the Savior came and granted me some insight.
On the world I live in and the people...but,
I thought it was a bad movie but there was no cut.

No escaping the reality in which you live,
Unless you give your life to the Savior, who forgives.
Repent from your sin and look for that hidden pearl,
Because you know I found out: I AM NOT OF THE WORLD.

(skipping the chorus)

Verse 2

I starts out with you studying the Bible,
And finding out what it really means to be disciples.
It's more than you think, it's more than you thought,
You can't enter the kingdom by praying Jesus in your heart.

You can't enter the kingdom going to church and looking sharp,
You gotta do what it says and make sure you count the cost.
Everyday of your life and make sure you do it right,
Don't deny what it says, otherwise its full plight.

Trouble all the time, can't understand what it means,
But the reason why is cause you never used your eyes to see.
Can't go around preaching to others something you never understood,
In the first place, trying to stay first place.

Others think you're first place, you haven't reached the first base,
Don't try to save face, humble out and slow your pace.
Realize the truth in which your life will be heard,
If you do then you'll know and understand: WE ARE NOT OF THE WORLD.

Okay, first, to remove structure from content:

(And please keep in mind that I am not by any means an expert in this realm, so take what I say with this in mind.)

Your verses seem terribly long. Not only are most of the lines more than ten syllables, you put together four stanzas to create one verse. Each stanza could be a verse, but very few songs have eight verses--Five is about the absolute max I have seen.

Second, the lines don't have a consistent length. Part of the reason that this is important is because the music that accompanies the verses repeats for each verse, and therefore the first line of all the verses should have the same number of syllables (or at least something close. If your over, you can change Heaven to Heav'n as some older worship songs do, and if your over you can hold one word for longer than it's initially intended). I did notice that some lines do line up in length, but not all of them do.

Third (and least important), is I don't see a clear rhyme scheme in this. (Some lines rhyme and some don't. I'd suggest either adhering to a rhyme scheme or rewording the ones that do rhyme. Keep it consistent throughout.) This isn't personally necessary in all songs, but it is something that I personally prefer. Rhyme schemes are important because they traditionally help make the lyrics more memorable. (Look at the lyrics to your favorite songs and note the rhyme scheme.)

On the basis of content, apart from some mild theological disagreements, I think you did a good job of using the first verse to show the transformation and the second one to offer advice and talk about living a truly Christian life, and not just pretending.

I hope I didn't come across too harsh. I tend to be very focused on structure and these were some things that I read about when I was doing some lyric-writing research.