Thread: Pathogen...

- - Pathogen - -

Listen,
To the heart beats,
Every catastrophy,
Where hope meets,

Blood slithering through your veins,
Fear and anger begin to settle in,
Don't question what you find within your hand,
The force of violence owes no answers,
Break no vision from your justice's hollow eyes,
Grab hold of the prayers that against you vie,

It's entering your stream,
Becomes a part of you,
Conquering your blood,
hollowing your heart,
Your mind begins to lose control,
Kill the pathogens thats in,

Soothing catastrophe as it bleeds you,
A black leech tearing the infection from its source,
Euphoric as ground is bleeched crimson,
Become the altar for the sacrifice,
Preserve preconceived health with demise,
Pay not for undecided crimes,

Locked inside the cage of your body,
The key long lost inside your hands,
Hold it, and feel it,
Understand the value with which it shines,
Cast away the locks,
Tear the pathogen from within,

Find the Pathogen within,
Understand the pathogen within,
Conquer the Pathogen within,
Kill the Pathogen within you...

Catastrophe- not catastrophy in the first stanza. And that is kind of a tongue twister, really can't imagine it being sung.

Break no vision from your justice's hollow eyes

Preserve preconceived health with demise

Both feel really off rhythm, if I had to pinpoint I would say justice's and preconceived are the culprits.
Sorry don't often read lyrics because it's so hard to judge them without the music I think.

@Kat .... Lyrics are a form of poetic verse regardless one should have no issue in reading them with or without music.... Lyrics are merely lyrics and they have a meter... Lyrics + music = song .......

I still like the over all piece regardless......I will address a couple of the issues raised above....
1)Typos are indeed my specialty and are not big deal with me..

2)"Break no vision from your justice's hollow eyes" could go like this: Break no vision from the justice of your hallow eyes...Or: Break no vision from your hallow eyes of justice... One silent beat would still work ....

3)Not sure if you like this at all:::: Preserve fated well-being with demise

I don't know I 'm not sure I like the word "health" .... but you know I can be a bit quirky with words at times...It has to do with sound...

Did you not write a piece entitled "Pathogen" once before???? Is this a another version or part two of a larger work or something entirely different... I know I love the title..... It has has a wonderful sound to it....sings well too...

Cheers,
Miriam