Thread: Addiction

This is a quick sort of Rap I wrote the other night. First time trying to write a Rap, not everything's complete really...



It's a fun fact
That when you're high you don't contain any,
Sense of reality
Everything's a dream that becomes a,
Relaxing drug
Only when you begin to lose your mind,
It's an addiction
Only when you start to inhale the pain,
It's a problem

No matter what the bible says
It's cool to go against it
Thinking you'll go to church when
You're old enough to defend it
That's the one time when you're
Beginning to pray to god
Not for health or for the poor
But to help you become a fraud

(Chorus)
My whole life, It's an addiction
What time does the chemist close
My whole life, It's an addiction
How many pounds have I left to grow
My whole life, It's an addiction
I'm gonna let every single dealer know

It's a known fact,
That when you're young you don't take in any,
Reality or harshness
Everyone's your friend who becomes this,
Enemy from hell
Only when you start to realise this world,
You have some friction
Only when you start to turn to tha drugs
It's a problem

(Chorus)
My whole life, It's an addiction
What time does the chemist close
My whole life, It's an addiction
How many pounds have I left to grow
My whole life, It's an addiction
I'm gonna let every single dealer know

It's an addiction
It's an addiction
It's an addiction
It's an addiction

not as good as mine

Not really a site for comparison. More of a site for critique. Have you even checked your beats for the verses?

I have to agree with you on this Patrick... The comment referencing their piece as better is a bit much to say the least and very in appropriate.

Now with regards to your piece here... As you most likely know from all our conversations I am not a proponent of Rap and that is putting it mildly but I am also not a fan of country music by any degree except for a few very select few. Now that said.... I have read your piece here a number of times of course and it's most likely me these days here.... I think I'm simply not hearing everything very l clearly lately...Anyway, l did not hear this piece as rap... Most of the rap I've been subjected to tends to have rhyme to some degree. Regardless, I think this piece would do well with some "real" music that would drive it nicely without taking away from its message and may in fact have more of an impact with the right music.....

Fondly,
Miriam

Thank you Miriam. The music I'd record this song with would not be Rap. I am not at all a fan of Rap. I just thought the lyrics were more "rappy" than "rocky". Like, Rage Against The Machine for example. Thanks a lot for your critique on this. I really appreciate it.

I think the lyrics are ok, but maybe could do with some work. I dont feel (as it's about addiction) it contains enough grit/pain. The last line of the first verse "Only when you start to inhale the pain, It's a problem", thats kind of the thing I mean. A few more lines like that, and it would be closer.

Still it's all personal opinion at the end of the day and I'm sure some people think my lyrics are over the top.