This is a song I wrote for my role-playing guild. Not to be taken seriously please!
It's meant as a song for dwarven children. If you've never been a nerd, dwarves are brawny, love good craftsmanship, food and drink, and fighting. They have a rather laconic attitude towards warfare, Dourhands are corrupted dwarves, the narrator is Thrimbold (me) and his father Thurild. Oh and dwarves for some reason use a mixmash of scottish and pirate speech. Nobody knows why. Have fun!


This tale here has so long been told
Of a cook so brave and old
Never fear and never whimper
Lift your chin and hear Thrimbold


Wander peaceful forage food
One could find in nasty mood
The dwarves who’re sour, mean and grim
Trapping good dwarves in a whim

Fate now has it, as they say
On one particularly sunny day
There wandered the old Thurild hence
Into their woods so dark and dense

The foul ones moved, waylaid his path
And all was, see, straight on to wrath
Yet there our hero grinned and bowed
Let them tie him, made no sound

Camp so dark, so evil a place
Where spiders roamed, misshapen face
Searched his bags and what, behold!
A pie and stew and muffins gold!

-* * * * * ‘Oy that’s good!’ said one to two then all together
-* * * * * ‘Better than our bread here – that tastes like leather!’
-* * * * * ‘You there, bellyfat, get over mighty quick’
-* * * * * ‘This oven needs yer cookin’, don’ make me kick!’

And cook he did, my list'ners bold
Al through the night as ‘t has been told
Sausage beef and sweet corn soup
The likes of which you’d love to scoop

The dawn then came and with Suns rays
To shine upon, through mornings haze
The brigands camp, all piles of moaning
Filled to the brim, nigh near exploding!

Forgotten the old cooking dwarf
Still there behind the oven
Weakened full and sleepy they
Never thought he’d rise to rough 'em

Yet Thurild had another mind
So gleeful and so cheeky
You didn’t think he’d let them be
With all their wicked deeds so sneaky?

Up and call the horn a blowin’
And there his friends with axe a’glowing
Brandished mornings, sunny noon
No more afraid of winters moon


So there and then it happened true
Old Thurild stopped the Dourhands through
The craft that's served so sweet and tasty
Just like the kind you’ll find here, matey!


**EDIT darn this belongs in the 'Lyrics' section - can a mod help me out?