Thread: Perfect Union

(Hello! I wrote this a while back, mostly out of anger. I suppose you can tell what it's about after reading it. Personal in a few ways - enjoy )

Methods exhausted
We need war
We cry out in English
Conversion culture
We need more fuel
To fuel the machine
The roaring beast
Bullet for your faith
We know your God is dead
When he’s crucified on a bayonet

Give your only son
So that this war may be won
Enemies of this union face us
Use their weapons to erase us
We hold the hands of the creator
Pumping oil
Trading blood
Fallen heroes
Rest in mud

Fields of fire
Burning oil, boiling blood
We need saving
Solid steel against the flesh
We need an enemy
Eliminate the heathens
This war is lost if they’re still breathing
Burn the face away we know
Reveal the devil sulking low
Show the world how hell should go

Give your only son
So that this war may be won
Enemies of this union face us
Use their weapons to erase us
We hold the hands of the creator
Pumping oil
Trading blood
Fallen heroes
Rest in mud

We the people (You killed my brother)
In order to form a more perfect union (My father’s gone)
Establish justice (I die for the country that is not my own)
Insure domestic tranquility (Another son killed in combat)
Provide for the common defense (War is not my answer)
Promote the general welfare (My men are dying)
Will burn your tyranny to the ground (Murder!)

Give your only son
So that this war may be won
Enemies of this union face us
Use their weapons to erase us
We hold the hands of the creator
Pumping oil
Trading blood
Fallen heroes
Fallen heroes
Going home

I liked reading this. Songs that say something (especially political) usually get my attention. The images and language worked well and the short lines forced me to lock in more on what was being said or shown.

I did have one main issue with this lyric though: the title. When I first read the title I thought it had something to do with marriage or relationships. This is minor compared to my main problem with the title.

The title phrase only appears once in the song and it's in the bridge (and not placed prominently). Even though the title doesn't have to be the hook (as you probably know), it usually is. It may help to find a way to get perfect union in the chorus or change the title.

Good job with this and hopefully my comment will prove useful.

I read this piece a few times and I tend to agree with Da Prophecy on all counts. Very nice piece....much enjoyed here...

Fondly,
Miriam

Interesting, although not something I'd seek out. I'm imagining the parts with the parens as spoken, perhaps alternating between a normal voice and a one that's highly compressed -- that phone-like effect -- a bit like the spoken bits in Green Day's Holiday. Good job.

Thanks for all the responses guys! Joseph, that's pretty much what I was going for, so thanks for bringing it up! And also, I do have to agree with the title.