Mountainman Blues - Writers Forum

zeeby · 07-23-2008, 12:44 PM

I could move to the mountains,

And leave life behind.

I could farm for my sustenance,

And ignore the signs.

I could look at the stars,

On a clear winter night.

And thank God I left war and

starvation and strife

But that ain’t right.

I know that life’s hard but I got to think twice.

For the sake of my family and the people I love,

I will live in a world where there’s no stars above.

I could marry real young,

buy a house on a hill.

I could chop down some trees,

And build a log cabin still.

I could buy me a boat,

And float off on the sea,

Oh I know yes I know,

That is the life for me

But that ain’t right.

Sometimes life ain’t fair and sometimes you fight.

Sometimes you give up what should be your birthright.

Because you work for the world as a twinkle of light.

Tom · 07-23-2008, 01:11 PM

I'll begin by saying this was worth reading. It had great structure, it flowed well and I thought the first verse was awesome. The concept was a little un-original, but the way you wrote it made it a little less cliche.

Great attempt, some nice lyrics.

Tom.

T.W. North · 07-24-2008, 03:16 AM

Hmm, the concept is actually more original than I first figured, at the very least its taken a fresh spin on the usual one. Perfect structure, perfect flow, perfect rhyming. Only problem is that its a bit short, you don't say much.

ohdear · 07-24-2008, 12:07 PM

this has a depth that can be missed at first glance.
the rythm carries me along.
the idea thrills me, even though I am not an adventurous person.
so many people live in this trap in one form or another.
the movie into the wild shows this passion and its pitfalls well