Litharukia

Angel of death,
Angel of death,
Why do you have to say good bye?
Why do you have to leave this life?

I suppose you're tired of living this craphole life
And I can't blame you
But I promise you this;
I will miss you
And your memory will never die.

Angel of death
Angel of death
Why do you have to say good bye?
Why do you have to leave this live?

Angel of death
Angel of death
I can't stop you,
I won't even try.

Angel of death
Angel of death-
Why do you have to say good bye?

Crimson Threnody

Not too bad. I could feel the rhythm and hear a tune while I read it, though I am not sure about the word 'craphole' just suddenly appearing. It honestly doesn't fit.

__________________

T.W. North

To tell the truth, there is absolutely no substance to this. Songs can be sung with minimal words, but...this is just angsty and pointless.

Litharukia

Threnody,

Yeah I'm not particularly fond of that line, but I'm not sure what to replace it with.

~Dianna

T.W.,

There's a lot of substance in it for me, especially if put with a couple other poems. I have a friend who I call Angel Of Death in my poetry who's planning on killing himself.

~Dianna

Sisyphus

The problem with it is that we don't know it's your friend you're talking about. If you could elaborate a little more or give us a little more detail about it, then it would have more substance and it could relate to people other than yourself. If one song requires other songs to help it make sense, then it should be presented with the others so it will, because by itself(if that's the case) it doesn't work.

I guess what I'm basically saying is that to help it stand by itself and give it substance, you need to go deeper into the meaning. Just saying 'Angel of Death, I don't want you to leave' isn't going to relate to anyone else, because we're honestly not sure what you're talking about

Litharukia

Hmmm...

I'll think on it.

T.W. North

Basically, throw us your emotions rather than just stating the obvious. Give us your deepest thoughts on it.

Litharukia

Yeah.

Hiding out from your best friend's mom because you don't want her to see what you're writing can lead to some pretty shallow writing. I'm still trying to decide exactly where I should make the changes, because I know I'm not doing anything to the chorus.