Sisyphus

Well I should’ve been a solider
Marching down the streets of Rome
Sword and shield and war-torn leather
And a legend called my own

Or I could’ve been a captain
On a ship that I called home
Sailing seas in search of treasure
Knowing not its weight in gold

Well I should’ve been a spaceman
Walking on Jupiter’s moons
The Earth is drowning in the distance
Waiting for souls to consume

I should’ve been a politician
Preaching lies to those with ears
An empty hope is my religion
Smothering your thoughts and fears

Or I could’ve been a vagabond
Riding first class on the wind
Wondering where I might be going
Or if I’ve already been

Or I could’ve been a holy man
Living life to serve the Lord
So when I’d make my way to heaven
He would greet me at the door

I recall, there’s things that I regret
But all in all, there’s nothing to forget
Though I succumb, to he who wrote the script
Before my time is done, please consider this

That I should’ve been a spaceman
Walking on Jupiter’s moons
The Earth is drowning in the distance
Waiting for souls to consume

Or I could've been a holy man
Living life to serve the Lord
So when I make my way to heaven
He would greet me at the door

T.W. North

Wow. Soul searching, heart twanging, mournful stuff. There's only a few lines that ring out as awkward, specifically:

"Knowing not its weight in gold"
"Walking on Jupiter’s moons"

But, really, apart from those two lines, I'm in love.

Sisyphus

Thank you for the comments, T.W.

The line 'knowing not its weight in gold' is saying that they could basically care less about what they get out of it, they're just in it for the hell of it, as opposed to the earlier lines about being a solider wanting fame and glory. I don't know if that makes it less awkward for you, you might be commenting on the strange wording 'knowing not'.

JoannaMac

I only read this because someone commented on it in another thread, but now that I'm here, I have to say it's a sweet song. I somehow can only imagine it being sung in a Country and Western style. Is that what you intended?

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Sisyphus

Thank you for the comments. Actually I wrote it with a rock style in mind similar to Audioslave. What other thread was it mentioned in?

Mystery

Pretty solid stuff, most of it struck me as things I've heard before done in a much more appealing way, both in layout, thematically and language-wise, however:

Is pure saturated gold.

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Dies Irae, Dies Ilia, Solvet Saeclum In Favilla...

Yes, must still shut up.

SparkyLT

very cool, but as a song it's a little odd, what with no chorus. mind you not all songs have choruses, it's just that that's the only difference I've ever seen between a song and a poem (apart from musical accompaniment, of course.)

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T.W. North

Sisyphus, I meant the structure was awkward, not the meaning. And...Audioslave...well, that takes some of the niceness away from the song, that dude can't sing. xD But yeah, I see it as a rock ballad as well.

Sisyphus

Understood. When I said Audislave, I was talking more about the music style rather than Chris Cornell's voice, but thats my fault for not explaining.

The choruses are the 'spaceman' and 'holy man' stanzas using a soft, soft, loud scheme. Again this is my fault for not explaining.

Thank you all for the comments.

T.W. North

...Dude, you're not getting me. Read my original comment again, I pointed out two LINES that are awkward, as in the syllables and the wording disrupt the flow.

Sisyphus

no, i got what you meant about the structure, i was just commenting on your other comment about the musical style of the song.