It'll Be OK - Writers Forum

AceReject · 07-11-2008, 06:03 PM

Here's a song I wrote months ago. I suppose I was angry when I wrote it and I think the meaning is obvious enough. It's not all metaphorical or full of techniques but I think it gets the meaning across pretty straight forward. Let me know what you think.

It'll Be OK

Would they just go away
Their awkwardness isn't helping
They wouldn't understand me anyway

But you would always stay
And listen so intently
At times when even I made you afraid

You were always there for me
No one has ever replaced you since
You never stopped listening
When everyone else did
Now that you're not here for me
Nothing has ever been the same
I need you here to stay with me
Please tell me it'll be ok

Their words are badly chosen
They might as well say nothing
What use is it to me what they're saying

But you were there till the end
You never stopped believing
And helped when all I needed was just a friend

You were always there for me
No one has ever replaced you since
You never stopped listening
When everyone else did
Now that you're not here for me
Nothing has ever been the same
I need you here to stay with me
Please tell me it'll be ok

You were always there for me
I'm telling you it's not the same
I need you here to stay with me
Please tell me that I'll be ok

You were always there for me
No one has ever replaced you since
You never stopped listening
When everyone else did
Now that you're not here for me
Nothing has ever been the same
I need you here to stay with me
Please tell me it'll be ok

SparkyLT · 07-11-2008, 06:21 PM

this seems like something I'd write...I like it (hm, I just inadvertantly complimented myself. oops.)

OtherWorlds · 07-11-2008, 06:21 PM

Hi there, AceReject. I don't know much about song-writing. I haven't tried it since I was a kid, and frankly I sucked at it. Lol. That being said, I'll make what observations I can.

You have a small typo here in your next to last verse. I need to you here to stay with me. I think you'll want to leave out the first "to".

I like the over all mood of this piece, but I think it's a little repetative in places. Of course, I know you meant to repeat some of the verses (it's a song after all), but a few of the other verses that I don't think were intended as repeats still tend to echo the same meanings. You might want to condense this down a little, and cut out anything unnecessary. Tighten things up a tiny bit, and I think you'll have a nice piece here.

AceReject · 07-11-2008, 09:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by OtherWorlds

You have a small typo here in your next to last verse. I need to you here to stay with me. I think you'll want to leave out the first "to".

You might want to condense this down a little, and cut out anything unnecessary. Tighten things up a tiny bit, and I think you'll have a nice piece here.

Oops I didn't even spot the typo, I wrote it months ago and didn't read over it properly before I posted it. Thanks, I'll fix it.

And the middle 8 bit is a bit repetitive and that was because I didn't have time to write a proper one, I probably will change it if I come up with something.