tristiano

im usually afraid to talk to strangers, and when i do talk to them, i am quick, impolite, and unenthusiastic. i only speak if i have to, often. i have friends buy things for me often (the dildo makes sense, I didn't want people seeing me buy it, but stuff like sandwiches too). if someone says hi to me i am almost afraid to say hi back. if a cashier says "have a good one" i try to get the time to nod in acknowledgment before they turn their head so that i dont have to say a simple "you too". i feel uncomfortable around strangers and people often think im stealing because i act so awkwardly.

change also terrifies me. when i started taking gym instead of study hall seventh period i was almost too nervous to move.

work scares me not because im lazy (that too) but im terrified that i will do it wrong and be embarrassed.

i also have a horrible phobia of people looking through my things. if someone is looking through my phone i can barely think. its not like there is anything on there. texts are deleted and pictures locked, i just cant stand people looking through my stuff. also my room, once my girlfriend was rifling through my room and i could not even sit still i was so nervous.


anyone else have these issues?

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Non Serviam

Yes, there are other people who do.

Anxiety rarely goes away by itself, but it can respond to treatment (therapy or drugs). I suggest seeing a doctor.

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mandax

I think everyone has a little anxiety when talking to strangers. I do, but it's only nervousness about meeting new people. I've been more outgoing lately and making conversation with people I don't know. You pretty much just have to teach yourself not to give a sh*t about what people will think of you and just wing it. Usually people will appreciate your confidence as a result and be drawn to you. It's pretty cool.

I'm scared of work, too. I've had bad experiences with some past jobs that have made me feel incompetent. The only way to fix this is to keep working, unfortunately, and proving to yourself that you can do the job. Lucky for me, I have a job now that I love and am good at. But I always seem to mess up stupid food or retail jobs. I get really nervous now. =/

AA

I had an ex-boyfriend like this. I dated him when I was a sophomore in highschool and he was a senior. But after that, after he graduated, he never did anything, he never went to school, he never got a job and he doesn't have a social life. He's too scared to leave his room most of the time. I feel sad for him but also angry. I don't understand it, he's smart and really talented but he's too lazy and too scared to become anything, ever.

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There's not much else to say about that.

tristiano

im too scared to see a doctor about the infected cut on my foot, small steps.

AnnoyingAlliteration, ill have you know that every time i hear the word alliteration i think of your username. its clever. anyway, on topic. i hope i dont end up like that guy, but once i get to know people im fine, so im not like this around my friends at all, in fact i tend to be the opposite around em.

mandax, nice to know im not alone with that one.

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AA

Yeah, he wasn't like that socially when I met him. Otherwise I wouldn't have ever dated him. It's completely your choice whether you end up like that guy or not. Make the right choice because it is a sad sad life.

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There's not much else to say about that.

Writ-with-Hand

Tri,

I checked your profile and you're at a good age to start working on some of your personal flaws.

You can overcome this anxiety problem you have but it might be a somewhat long road. I would recommend seeing a psychiatrist for the reasons Non gave about prescription drugs - not to say you for certain need them but in case you do.

Anxiety can be incredible I know because I suffer from it and at onetime I never really did. Confidence comes from experience and it develops through a sense of security. I believe this at least. I would advise biting off small steps and overtime taking bigger and bigger steps. Ultimately you will have to confront your fears.

Most of us fear being embarrassed, or killed, or brutally tortured or all of those things. You gain confidence through experience, so, you have to experience standing your ground and the more you do it the more confident you will become. Your sense of security develops through a combination of a feeling of capability and from the experience of successes or overcoming adversity or failures. To develop this security, unless you are born simply adventurous and courageous, you will have to do like most of us born "betas," you must walk a step by step journey, and sometimes slowly. I believe in three types of courage: Intellectual, Moral, and Physical.

The intellectual comes from reading and from formal institutions of learning. The moral can be had, in my opinion, best developed through the ancient rigors of religions, some of the historically best at this development were Eastern Buddhist monasticism and Western Catholic monasticism. And the physical can be had through proven martial arts like Okinawan karate, Muay Thai boxing, Brazilian Jujitsu and so forth. Physical confidence cam come through weight lifting, bodybuilding, or traditional sports that involve some contacts or dangers.

I don't speak without some experience in this. I've been going through and off and on process of redeveloping my confidence by time spent studying in community college and my very off and on periods of boxing and martial arts training. Believe it or not even tiny baby steps add up over time. My, moral development is still very lacking and to be honest I don't put as much attention into this as I should. But I have witnessed some of the lifestyle and rigors of a particular Catholic group based off of pre-Vatican II monastics (which until Vatican II held much of the rigors of the Middle Ages) and I can tell you that like formation, can develop a people that will march though a swap full of crocodiles to accomplish what they believe is right.

So, God speed.

Katastrof

I use to be like that too. Still am a bit. I talk to strangers all the time now, but around people who are my aquantinces I do still have bit of a social stigma. For me it's all about leaving a good impression, sometime I feel like I have to perform for them because I know I'll see them around. I always had the feeling they were judging me and that one slip up could make me look like a fool. Talk about performance anxiety, eh? It doesn't hap[pen with my friends, just those I don't know that well, but I see around all the time.

My advice to you is to talk to strangers. That's what I did. Now I'm not sure if you have the same kind of stigma, but I think it'll work just the same. Just understand that it doesn't matter what you say to those people, they won't see you again so they can't judge you on it.

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Read:

When The Man Comes Around

"Carpe Diem, quam minimum credula postero"
(Seize the day put no trust in tomorrow.) ~ Horace

Malone

So what? If you come off like a dick, I don't know why you'd care. I don't like most people, but it's easy to teach yourself how you're supposed to respond in certain situations, but with cashiers or insignificant people like that it doesn't really matter what they think of you. Otherwise, why worry about it? You're not good around people. Big deal. There's no reason to change.

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There Is A Policeman Inside All Our Heads: He Must Be Destroyed


Malone's Mind

Ilasir Maroa

Trist, I have almost all of the same issues, literally, except I don't buy things (or have my friends do so), 'cause that's a step to far for me; can't even order pizza over the phone. Now, I don't know how the intensity of your problem compares to mine, but I don't think a doctor is really the way to go here. This is something you need to deal with on your own, and you can. If you couldn't, you would not have survived this long. As Writ said, it's about gaining confidence, and handling the problem yourself is the surest way to do so. Writ has made some great suggestions; however, I see those as treating the symptoms, not the underlying issue. The surest way to start feeling comfortable is to act as if you do. Now, I understand that this will be very hard, but you need to open up. Let people rifle through your things. They will find, as you have admitted, nothing embarrassing, or shameful (besides the dildo, maybe?), and after this has happened often enough, after you have seen no negative consequences from letting things lie, you will have begun to gain that expereince. All the ability in the world is useless if you cannot use it for fear of a mistake.

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Crap! Haven't posted it anywhere yet, darn!
"Only tyranny cloaks itself in shadows. The light of justice can not be hidden."

www.theoddvillepress.com

JosephB

Somehow, I think you should see someone. Of course, only a psychiatrist can prescribe medication, but ideally, you won't need it.

Everyone has an opinion. But how someone handled similar issues on his own may not work for you. Talk to someone who's trained and knowledgeable. Don't screw around taking advice from amateurs.

Except mine of course.

Good luck.

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"The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources."
-- Albert Einstein

"I am really only interested in a fiction of miracles."
-- Flannery O'Connor

Malone

Try a constant intravenous medication of rum. You can keep the needle in your arm all day and hang the bottles upside down and wheel them around on those carts you see on ER. Guaranteed to make those social anxieties just wash away.

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There Is A Policeman Inside All Our Heads: He Must Be Destroyed


Malone's Mind

BOURBON

You're describing me when I was fifteen. I let it get out of hand and was agorophobic for a spell. Some people find being alive a weirder trip than others...

You must confront the things you believe make you anxious, because anxiety itself is the real problem, not the things you think you are anxious about. You just watch the axiety jump to something new until you've learnt to deal with it.

I learned meditation to bring my heart-rate and BP down...its something that has stayed with me and I still use it.

But do go see a doctor. They see this kind of thing all the time and will make you feel very normal.

Good luck

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Bourbon thinks, therefore she am...

Non Serviam

Which country are you in?

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How many of you believe in psychokinesis? Raise my hand.

BOURBON

I didn't think to ask that.
I do wish the young ones who come here were required to display age. It might save them from some silliness/inappropriate advice, when what they're asking needs to be addressed with sensitivity.

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Bourbon thinks, therefore she am...