The Backward OX

· Avoid alliteration. Always.
· Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
· Employ the vernacular.
· Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.
· Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.
· Remember to never split an infinitive.
· Contractions aren't necessary.
· Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.
· One should never generalize.
· Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate
quotations. Tell me what you know."
· Comparisons are as bad as cliches.
· Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous.
· Be more or less specific.
· Understatement is always best.
· One-word sentences? Eliminate.
· Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.
· The passive voice is to be avoided.
· Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
· Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.
· Who needs rhetorical questions?
· Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
· Don't never use a double negation.
· capitalize every sentence and remember always end it with point
· Do not put statements in the negative form.
· Proofread carefully to see if you words out.
· If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.
· A writer must not shift your point of view.
· And don't start a sentence with a conjunction.
(Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word
to end a sentence with.)
· Don't overuse exclamation marks!!!
· Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.
· Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.
· If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
· Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.
· Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
· Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun
with singular nouns in their writing.
· Always pick on the correct idiom.
· The adverb always follows the verb.
· Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague -
they're old hat; seek viable alternatives.
Other rules
· Don't abbrev.
· Check to see if you any words out.
· Be carefully to use adjectives and adverbs correct.
· About sentence fragments.
· When dangling, don't use participles.
· Don't use no double negatives.
· Each pronoun agrees with their antecedent.
· Just between you and I, case is important.
· Join clauses good, like a conjunction should.
· Don't use commas, that aren't necessary.
· Its important to use apostrophe's right.
· It's better not to unnecessarily split an infinitive.
· Never leave a transitive verb just lay there without an object.
· Only Proper Nouns should be capitalized. also a sentence should begin with a capital and end with a period
· Use hyphens in compound-words, not just in any two-word phrase.
· In letters compositions reports and things like that we use commas to keep a string of items apart.
· Watch out for irregular verbs which have creeped into our language.
· Verbs has to agree with their subjects.
· Avoid unnecessary redundancy.
· A writer mustn't shift your point of view.
· Don't write a run-on sentence you've got to punctuate it.
· A preposition isn't a good thing to end a sentence with.
· It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
· Profanity sucks.

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Malone

"Profanity sucks."

Bullshit.

k3ng

It should be profanity sucks ass.


Great one Ox.

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'In truth, those who cringed at the use of cliché were their own cliché.' - Ted Dekker in Saint

Ilasir Maroa

lol...

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Crap! Haven't posted it anywhere yet, darn!
"Only tyranny cloaks itself in shadows. The light of justice can not be hidden."
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Kest

Enjoyed reading it.

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"Of course, it's happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean it is not real?"

Rumrunner

Apparently I'm feeling slow today; I was a good ways in before I "got" it. Just kept thinking, whoever wrote this is an idiot

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"But as he gazed on truth his aching eyes grew dim...."
-- Byron, from Childe Harold's Pilgrimage, Canto the First

Sniper McGee

Haha, I love this. It made my day.

-Bryce out

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HarryG

Ox, if you wrote that yourself, you´re a gifted writer, if you copied it from elsewhere, you´re a clever fucker, which is it!

Amara-J

I've seen this circulated in e-mails / published in newspapers and most probably Reader's Digest, but thanks for the read, Ox.

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Any moron can
write haiku. Just stop at the
seventeenth syllab

~ Reader's Digest, Nov. 2002 Joke

The Backward OX

Scots Wha hae! Not only am I clever but dedicated also. My Word 2003 decided to pick that moment to act ornery, and I had to paste every single one of those bullets individually. But I guess I owed it to my fans. The show must go on.

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