Found this in a review on amazon, and I thought it was hilarious.
"Look" Amar cried, pointing over the sweep of fields at the figure that was approaching. It moved swiftly, coming towards Amar, Atirav and Aparjita. It looked indigo, at this distance, with the sunlight shafting off its back.
Aparijita squinted against the light, trying to discern what it might be. "It looks like Gandalf the Grey to me," she muttered, squinting harder.
Atirav, smirking, said, "This is Alagaisia, Aparajita. Not Middle Earth"
Aparajita shook her head, not taking her eyes off the figure. "I'm telling you, it looks exactly like him!"
Just then, the man came up before them. He carried a sweeping staff in his right hand, and in his other, he held a sword whose sides came together to form a graceful point.
"I am Gandalf The Grey," He proclaimed, blowing smoke rings from his mouth. "I was plucked from Middle Earth and sent here instead, and I was bequeathed with an ugly name, "Brom" and here I must remain until I serve penance for a wrong that I haven't even done..."
Amar, wide eyed, stepped back from the apparition. "But then...why were you brought here? And why "Brom"? That's the worst name or a Wizard I've ever heard."
"Dragon Rider, not Wizard." Gandalf snapped. "Brom was born a Dragon Rider. I expect to see my companions, the Dragon Riders of Pern, coming in very soon. The Riders here are very similar to those of Pern, mind you... And as for the name, it is part of the torture. To be called `Brom' as if I were a type of broomstick. Gandalf the Grey to Brom. It is the ultimate humiliation."
It was clear that he was having difficulty hiding the contempt in his voice. He sighed sadly, closing his eyes.
"But alas, if it had only been me who was brought here. But no! The others have also been brought here! Arwen is somewhere deep in this land, in a dungeon, suffering terrible punishment. Her name has been changed to Arya, in a poor attempt to hide her identity. She needs my help, but I cannot find her. And Arragorn, Ranger of the North, The very King to sit once again on the Throne of Gondor! He too, is here. But in the form of a boy, but with a similar name: Eragon. It seems that he was snatched from Middle Earth to help defeat an unstoppable evil."
Gandalf had a look of utter fear, now. "I fear there is more. The Elves have also been transported here. Galadriel is the Elf Queen here as well! And the Dwarves. I think I saw Gimli, though now his name has been changed. He is Orik, the Dwarf King."
Gandalf's eyes filled with tears as he looked away into the bloody sunset. "I thought our tasks were completed in Middle Earth, that after the destruction of the One Ring and Sauron, we could rest in Peace..."
Amar, shocked, asked, "It can't be that bad."
Gandalf, because there was nothing else for him to do, blew out a series of smoke rings that darted around his head, changing colour, in an attempt to look impressive. He then set about making tea for two with a wave of his staff. But noticing there were four people, and that he didn't have the appropriate magic for the task, Gandalf stopped, quickly. Hoping no one had noticed his pathetic magic, Gandalf sheepishly answered Amar's question.
"It gets worse," he said, ominously, "Middle Earth itself seems to have appeared here. Look around you! I half expect to see a hobbit pop up from the ground! Much is changed, but if you pay close attention to the names, you will notice the similarity! The Kingdom of Elves, of Dwarves, of Men, it is all here."
Gandalf stifled a cry. "In this world, the Elves even came from across the sea in Silver Ships. It makes me home sick to see such utter similarities between Middle Earth and Alageasia."
Atirav, still incredulous, said, "But there has to be some reason as to why you guys were brought here, right?"
Gangalf nodded. "The Flame of Udun burns deep and dark. A great thief lurks in the shadows, one of great power. He has recreated Middle Earth itself, and has named it Alageasia, and has stolen all Heroes and cast them here."
For thxe first time, his ancient eyes were overcome with terror. "I fear this thief has managed to create Sauron once again. But this time, with an obscene, mechanical name, `Galbatorix.'"
A sound caught Aparajita's ears. She turned south, looking at the trees. She screamed in sudden fear. "Look! Orcs!"
Gandalf whirled around, facing the threat. "Not Orcs, but Urgals! The orcs too, have been brought here, because there were no other evil forces available."
Atirav's face turned white as he saw the beasts coming towards them. "Use your magic and kill them you old fool!"
Gandalf shook his head with grief. "In this world, the old are weak. Someone tried to bring in some originality into this world, and look how it failed. Where in all other worlds the old are powerful and mighty, in this world, it is only the young who have any power. A failed attempt at creativity."
He muttered under his breath, "This generation, I tell you..."
Gandalf suddenly turned to face Amar. "You, farmboy! I will now make you a swordmaster in less than five pages, even though you know not the first thing of how to wield a Blade. But in this world, much is possible. You will soon be the greatest Swordmaster in all of Alageasia! Just like Eragon! And then you can protect us!"
Amar beamed at the grand offer, already seeing himself ascend the pinnacle of glory. "I'll do it!" He said.
Gandalf scratched his beard. "But wait! There is only one great sword remaining, and that is with Eragon himself."
Amar sighed disappointedly. He should have known.
But Gandalf smiled brightly. "Not to worry. Eragon has a way of showing up exactly at the right moment, because he is a great Hero, also a farmboy. He learned everything in a very short period of time, and now, the Fate of the Empire rests in his hands. He has very little chance of victory, but I know he can do it. Hasn't every other Hero of every other world done it as well?"
Atirav frowned skeptically. "Sounds a little like Frodo to me."
Gandalf hit him across the face with his staff. "Silence!"
Atirav looked down, abashed "Sorry," He apologized.
Gandalf, casting him a disgusted look, continued. "Eragon is beyond all temptation. There has never been a dark thought in his mind. He uses his powers only for good, and he never kills unless he has to, but when he does, he does so with great zeal. Eragon is the quintessential Hero of all time, and his character is so thin, he's a lot like cardboard. He'll get blown in any moment now, and he'll protect us against all odds. He'll kill them all with the righteousness in his intense brown eyes!"
Amar, Atirav and Aparjita exchanged knowing glances, thinking, 'this man is crazy'
The Urgals were nearby. There were hundreds of them, all running on bowed legs. Gandalf went in front, holding out his staff. The three friends crowded together behind him, fearing their doom coming upon them.
Gandalf leaned back, "Can you feel their evil?"
Amar said, quite simply, "No."
Gandalf nodded. "Neither can I. But everyone's talking about how evil and monstrous they are, so they must be. I heard they invaded a village and speared the white body of a baby."
Aparajita screamed at the thought of such a terrible thing. Atirav turned to her in concern. "Are you alight?"
Aparajita nodded, hiding tears. The Urgals spearing baby, it's just so..."
"Tacky?" Amar volunteered.
Aparijita nodded. "Exactly. It hurts the senses."
Atirav looked out, face twisting in dread. "The Urgals are here."
Gandalf looked back at them, slightly shamefaced. "Oops.I forgot to tell you, Eragon is in Tronjheim, the Kingdom of the dwarves. It's underground, just like Moria, and very fantastic, again, just like Moria. I suspect it might be that Moria has also been brought here. Basically, his cardboard character can't fly out of a mountain and come to our rescue."
Amar turned on Gandalf, red with rage at this foolishness. "Then how do we defend ourselves against this evil?" he shouted.
Gandlaf shrugged. "Good question. We will have to manage with our hands, since my staff and sword are actually stolen from another world, and hence are useless. In fact..."
Gandalf slapped a hand to his forehead. " I'm supposed to be in a cheap diamond coffin right now, where I cannot be touched by the ravages of time, where I'll stay perfectly preserved for the rest of eternity. I forgot that Brom had been killed! I have to go, I'm sorry."
Gandalf sighed, "Please don't be angry at me for letting you die in this harsh world. I suppose it would have been more prestigious if you had been killed in the real Middle Earth. But hope always remains. It seems that the flow of events in this world is also very similar to Middle Earth. If this is true, than I will return, much like I did as Gandalf the White in Middle Earth."
The Urgals were coming closer. Atirav closed his eyes and murmured a prayer.
Gandalf looked at them. "I must go. But I promise you, I'm sure I'll be back in ELDEST, the next chapter of this horrific punishment of the Heroes of Middle Earth."
He waved his staff, and vanished in a puff of coloured smoke rings, leaving the three friends to defend themselves.
"As*hole," Amar and Atirav said together. Aparajita looked at them. "Why didn't we just buy Lord the Rings," She asked.
The three of them began running into the fields, hoping to outrun the Urgals.
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Originally Posted by Gohn
