Greyhall

The casting was the worst! First, let's talk about Gandolf.

Ian McKellen has to be the worst possible Gandolf ever. Hello people, he's gay! Gandolf has tons of children, so why have a queer play Gandolf? Just doesn't make sense.

Who would I have selected had I the choice? Well, that's a good question. Personally, I would have went with Samuel L. Jackson. The man was great in Shaft, plus he was a kickass Jedi in Star Wars 4 and 5.

Next let's talk about Argron. I'll be frank here, Argron was a big pussy. How come he kept running away from the ghosts!? C'mon, that's fucking stupid. Vigo Morson is too much of a pussy to have played the role, and he ruined the whole film. They should have used Bruce Campbell.

Bruce Campbell would have spent the entire film kicking ass and taking names. He would've marched right into Mordor, punched the dark lord guy in the nuts and then insulted his hospitality.

Why the hell were there midgets in the film? I bet J.T. Tolken is turning in his grave over that mistake. I seem to remember trolls in the books, so why were there midget hobbit things in the movies? That's just plain ridiculous.

Every hobbit was so bad it was funny. Frodo and Sam taught little kids to be homo. That's just not right. Piper taught kids to be a lazyasses that laugh too much. Merry taught them to spout off to trees. News flash: Trees don't have ears!

Legolas would never had been capable of using that bow. That was so bullshit. The guy is a pretty boy, I'm tired of him. Also, why did they have Gimli a midget like the hobbits? How the hell would he swing the axe and wear that armor. C'mon guys, use your brains here.

Also, did they HAVE to appease the feminazis? Who cares about that blonde chick from rohan? Not me. I wish that evil dragon thing would have squashed her. That whiny bitch. This is based on mediaeval times! Not fantasy land, there's no female empowerment here, move along. Her dad was equally as stupid. Why did he have his horses try crashing into the elephants? Hello!? Those things are fucking huge! Run away, stupid!

Instead of orcs they should have had those alien things like in the books. Goblins I think they were called.

Instead of Elves they should have had Jedis, because Jedis rock.

I think anyone that enjoyed this movie is a brain dead moron! Peter Jackson should take notes from Steven Spielburg and his Star Wars movies.

Thank you for your time, please discuss. I'm sure everyone except narrow-minded idiots will agree with me.

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crzywriter

have you actually read Lord of the Rings?

Ilan Bouchard

You remind me of an older member, Bhauger. Only more blatantly homophobic. Sigh...

[ot:d741fc3493]Is it ironic the LOTR soundtrack came on my computer just as I started viewing this?[/ot:d741fc3493]

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Ruthless comments encouraged!

bobothegoat

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Bobo the Goat

Pawn

Yes.

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C.A
Carpe Noctem
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Greyhall

I better get this critiqued!

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cyberspecter

Bad.

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Cyberspecter
(Evil incarnate, devourer of souls....and pizza)
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Bad Spellers of the World, Untie! -Tee shirt slogan.

Drzava

Not just LOTR, fantasy in general sucks,

horrorcrafter

...only texas would say that

Texas, in general, sucks.

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Canadian Lynx are beautiful sensitive creatures which are very good mothers and they make a wide variety of sounds such as meows, purrs, cough-barks, growls, and screams like a woman. She is the next mammal to become extinct in North America largely because we waste so much paper. Please reduce, reuse, and recycle. Cheers, Horrorcrafter

badwriter1000

Greyhall, are you a writer? Seriously, why are you here? Do you have anything to contribute to this forum other than this?

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There are no bad writers... Just me!

Pawn

That Pope thing was pretty funny. For that, give him some slack.

Edit:
You do realise this is a parody?

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C.A
Carpe Noctem
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Queasy Dillo

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You have not yet begun to scratch the surface of my depravity.

Greyhall

I rule, that's why.

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Drzava

It's quite hard to reply to that without resorting to childish and petty flames. I'm not indicative of my state and I don't see how one opinion should represent those of 18 million, but, take these next few lines as the de facto view of everyone that is or ever was from Texas:

In Texas, the land of steers and queers, where every night us cowboys sit around the fire and bake beans and sing words of praise to GW way up yonder in that big ol' city, where I proudly fly the Stars and Bars above my ranch gates and todos hablan espyanol, in this state that is the best in the South because we won a war and were an independent country and are America's 3rd largest rice producing state, in this land where the Lone Star shines down upon us, we are a pragmatic, no nonsense folk who don't have the time of day do be concerned with fantasy. We like westerns, John Wayne, blood, guts, gore, violence, explosions, we DON'T like fairies, pixies, unicorns, mages, warlocks, witches, or elves, we like the good guys kicking some major ass of the bad guys. Not White Magic vs Black Magic, just The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.


You're an idiot horrorcrafter.

Saponification

Critiqued? Sure, you fail.

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Metta.