Brits Behaving Badly - Page 3 - Writers Forum

HarryG · 08-14-2008, 04:44 PM

There must be more to it than just drinking too much beer, surely.

We're a small island that's been invaded so many times, it makes your head spin. We've had the Romans, Vikings and the French raping and pillaging our folk. That's enough to make you belligerent, isn't it?

So we got our own back. With such an excellent gene base, this tiny, belligerent island set out to invade the world. America, Canada, India, Pakistan, South Africa – they all fled when they saw our redcoats.

It couldn't last, of course, we were outnumbered a million to one. But the empire lives in our imagination, and the drunken Brits barging people off the streets in Benidorm, still think that they are the rulers of the Universe.

We made one big mistake. When our own people rebelled in America, we should have sent more than a couple of gunships to quell the rebellion. We should have recalled some more troops from the rest of the world to sort out the hotheads. That way, the Union Jack would be flying over Washington now.

JosephB · 08-14-2008, 04:53 PM

Quote:

America, Canada, India, Pakistan, South Africa – they all fled when they saw our redcoats.

I don't recall that America did any fleeing at the sight of redcoats.

Gabriel Gray · 08-14-2008, 05:27 PM

You're all British anyway, whatever way you look at it. Somewhere in your families history a certain great-great-grandma was raped by a British soldier. Or sold him sex. Same thing really.

Writ-with-Hand · 08-14-2008, 06:30 PM

Can any of you Brits direct a Yank to some nude photos of Archie Punjabi?

You know that name Punjabi is suggestive? PuuuuuuunJAAAABI.

The Voodoo Shaman · 08-14-2008, 07:17 PM

YouTube - english way to fight

HarryG · 08-15-2008, 03:34 PM

After watching that Youtube video, I just have to reply.

Some years ago, a fight started in the Saxon King pub in Harold Hill, Romford. The participants went into the car park and we all went out to watch.

One was a karate expert, who had won a medal at the Olympics, the other was a tough local yob.

The karate man took up his stance and the yob threw a right-hander that connected and kicked the Olympian in the balls as he went down. The funny thing was that the karate man was lying on the ground, unable to fight any more, but he was still in the karate stance.

Youtube wasn't around at the time, but it would have made funny watching.

AA · 08-15-2008, 03:52 PM

Wow. That's almost hard to believe.

Writ-with-Hand · 08-15-2008, 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HarryG

Some years ago, a fight started in the Saxon King pub in Harold Hill, Romford. The participants went into the car park and we all went out to watch.

Am I the only one that finds those combined names hilarious?

Cossack · 08-15-2008, 08:17 PM

Because of Hardrara? Quite a connection for an American to make.

Joanna, that's so true about the sun loungers. The Germans are good at occupying things while everyone else is unprepared.

SlowlyFadeAway · 08-17-2008, 12:13 PM

They always behave badly.

Writ-with-Hand · 08-21-2008, 08:00 PM

Move over Brits and meet Ivan, Nikolai, and Boris.

From Russia with riches - and rudeness - Telegraph

Excerpt.

Quote:

From Russia with riches - and rudeness

Move over loud Americans and towel-brandishing Germans - now there’s a new tourist annoying British holidaymakers, says Max Davidson.

By Max Davidson
Last Updated: 7:38AM BST 21 Aug 2008

First it was Brad from Illinois, with his 20-stone wife, trying to do Europe in a week. Then it was Fritz from Munich, hogging the sunlounger. Then it was Shane from Brisbane, with the accent you could cut with a knife. Every generation of British holidaymakers has its bête noire, its least favourite fellow tourist. And there is no doubt who is filling the bill this summer — Ivan from Moscow, the hotel guest from hell.

See that guy with a gold bracelet propping up the bar, with a blonde on each arm? That’s Ivan. See the guy at the corner table, puffing clouds of smoke while snapping instructions into his mobile phone? That’s Ivan’s mate, Nikolai. See the guy with bulging biceps squiring the blowsy redhead in the see-through shirt? That’s Ivan’s mate Nikolai’s minder, Boris. And, yes, that is a gun in his armpit, just above the tiger tattoo.

Ivan and his entourage seem to be everywhere, from the Aegean to the Canary Islands, and if you go by the anecdotal evidence, they are making more enemies than friends.

When it came to behaving badly abroad, the gold medals used to go to British lager louts, trashing places like Benidorm and Faliraki. We are still a force to be reckoned with — the number of British holidaymakers arrested is up 15 per cent on last year — but we have been knocked off the podium by the Russians.

“The place was crawling with them,” says a friend who has just returned from a week in a five-star hotel in Antalya in Turkey. “Men in hideously tight Speedo trunks, women who looked about 16 and dressed like prostitutes... They were loud, aggressive, smoked incessantly, filled the place with their fumes. As for booze, they outdid the Brits at their own game: got drunk faster, and were more aggressive afterwards.”