Plants | LM Poetry Challenge Results - Writers Forum

Shawn · 03-29-2008, 10:58 AM

There has been a slight change in schedule. One of our judges, found very, very, very thankfully by our own Hawke, has had to drop out, so the scores will be out of a total of 75.

So when you see that your score is a 70, don't freak out.

Onto the results!

Plants | LM Poetry Challenge Results

Foxee

Wallmaker
My Botany Study Group at Denny's
Thematic Resonance 5
Technical Excellence 5
Composition 5
Message 4
Originality 5
Total: 24
I liked the comparison of the friends in the botany study group to plants that they are like. Beyond that there wasn’t really any other message. Overall a very enjoyable read.

Olly Buckle
Spirogyra
Thematic Resonance 5
Technical Excellence 5
Composition 3
Message 5
Originality 5
Total: 23
This was slyly cute but I thought it felt forced in several spots. Even though I know you mean a metaphorical smile for the algae at the end it just doesn’t seem to fit every time I read it.

Mermaid in the Breakwater
Falling Son (or Orchard Tree?)
Thematic Resonance 4
Technical Excellence 5
Composition 4
Message 3
Originality 4
Total: 20
I liked the ‘arching rains of May’ and after that the poem fell apart for me. The theme is there but the poem read like a collection of words more than a cohesive poem and never really felt like it came together. I found the whole confusing and depressing. I feel like I’ve read this before.

Vangoghsear
Seed
Thematic Resonance 5
Technical Excellence 5
Composition 5
Message 4
Originality 5
Total: 24
Great economy of words, nice imagery. ‘Infant scream’ seemed to push it a bit, sounding painful instead of like the newborn wail that you may have had in mind. I think the message could have gone beyond the portrait of growth and become a metaphor as well with a little more thought.

Wafti
Untitled
Thematic Resonance 5
Technical Excellence 5
Composition 4
Message 4
Originality 5
Total: 23
Very pleasant to read, the imagery is lovely. ‘Wines’ should probably be ‘whines’ but considering that I had to look up ‘xylem’, ‘phloem’, and ‘dib-blades’(which, btw, the only thing that came up in a google search for ‘dib-blades’ was your poem) you’re getting the full 5 for technical. Reading this poem is a cross between nature and Alice in Wonderland for me.

Mister Jack
Poppy Fields
Thematic Resonance 4
Technical Excellence 5
Composition 4
Message 4
Originality 4
Total: 21
I think, like Mermaid’s poem, it’s difficult to do a subject like this and make it feel truly original. While I can see where you’re pulling the ‘plant’ theme in it seems swamped by stronger themes of death, loss, and war. Thoughtful poem, though, and grim.

Briandee
Tragedy of Creation
Thematic Resonance 4
Technical Excellence 4
Composition 2
Message 3
Originality 4
Total: 17
This reads like a fable forced into a poem and further forced into the theme. The anthropomorphism of the trees would make more sense if the trees retained some aspect of being trees. The poem overall did have a certain charm but that was dimmed by also being preachy and predictable.

Garden of Kadesh
Crutch
Thematic Resonance 5
Technical Excellence 5
Composition 2
Message 5
Originality 5
Total: 22
I liked how you used the theme in this poem. Even though I find the structure and wording forced the message is good.

Rcallaci
Aqua wheat
Thematic Resonance 5
Technical Excellence 5
Composition 4
Message 4
Originality 4
Total: 22
Beautiful imagery. Nice economy of words.

J.R. MacLean

Wallmaker: My Botoany Study Group at Denny’s
A. 4
B. 3
C. 3
D. 4
E. 5
19
This had an appealing sweetness and was well-imagined. Some awkward phrasing and questionable line breaks hurt it overall.

Olly Buckle: Spirogyra
A. 4
B. 3
C. 3
D. 4
E. 4
18
A most enjoyable read, hurt by some uneven flow, compounded by changes in tense and point of view.

Mermaid: Falling Son
A. 4
B. 3
C. 3
D. 3
E. 3
16
Strong, if familiar theme in this one. The lack of articles seemed to make me work harder to glean the meaning. Liked the clever use of `lies lie`

Vangoghsear: Seed
A. 4
B. 4
C. 4
D. 3
E. 4
19

Could see and feel the growth in this one. Good technical feel, and bonus points for using exclamation marks! Word choices could be more dynamic and original. nice work

Wafti: Untitled
A. 3
B. 2
C. 3
D. 3
E. 2
This had some very nice moments, but overall seemed kind derivative and a bit aimless. Spelling mistakes also an issue. Pleasant, but not all that engaging.

Mister Jack: Poppy Fields
A. 3
B. 3
C. 3
D. 3
E. 3
15
Good atmosphere, some fine images and phrasing. Lack of focus and precision hurt this for me; its impact came across in a muddied sort of way.

briandee: Tragedy of Creation
A. 2
B. 2
C. 2
D. 2
E. 2
10
Seems a decent effort from a young writer developing his or her skills.

Garden of Kadesh: Crutch
A. 3
B. 3
C. 3
D, 4
E. 4
18
Fueled by some genuine outrage, this comes across as unpolished, energetic and original.

rcallaci: acqua wheat
A. 3
B. 3
C. 3
D. 4
E. 4
17
I liked the word choices, title, and wave effect in this. Some more creative use of line spacing might have added to the impact of an already effective piece.

Shawn · 03-29-2008, 11:09 AM

Dannyboy

My Botany Study Group at Denny's
TR = 4/5
TE = 3/5
C = 4/5
M = 4/5
O = 4/5

Total = 19/25

Loved this poem, my favorite easily, the theme, while not solely about plants drew clever on the theme and wound it into a narrative I thoroughly enjoyed. A few clunky lines but overall a very strong piece.

Spirogyra
TR = 4/5
TE = 4/5
C = 3/5
M = 3/5
O = 4/5

Total = 18/25

Clever and strong just a bit average on the composition and message.

Orchard Tree
TR = 3/5
TE = 4/5
C = 3/5
M = 2/5
O = 4/5

Total = 16/25

I felt the theme was weakest of all the poems (which hurt the poem in TE score and M score) and composition was average at best.

Aqua Wheat
TR = 4/5
TE = 3/5
C = 3/5
M = 4/5
0 = 4/5

Total = 18/25
Short piece that I found thematically strong, but lacking in poetic devices and technically a bit cumbersome.

Crutch
TR = 4/5
TE = 4/5
C = 4/5
M = 3/5
O = 3/5

Total = 18/25

I enjoyed Crutch, a strong poem just felt its message was not entirely relevant to the topic (nor important to it). The poem lacked a spark, something to give it a distinctive voice.

Seed
TR = 4/5
TE = 3/5
C = 3/5
M = 4/5
O = 4/5

Total = 18/25

Seed was very strong thematically but let itself down technically and with its composition.

Untitled
TR = 3/5
TE = 3/5
C = 3/5
M = 3/5
O = 4/5

Total = 16/25

Untitled was not as strong compared to the poems it was up against. The poet tried to tackle the theme and to find their own ‘voice’ but technically and thematically it was average.

Poppy Fields
TR = 3/5
TE = 3/5
C = 4/5
M = 3/5
O = 4/5

Total = 17/25
Thematically is was weakly linked to ‘plants’ (almost a secondary theme) and technically it was a bit ‘clunky’ in places.

Tragedy Of Creation
TR = 3/5
TE = 3/5
C = 3/5
M = 3/5
O = 3/5

Total = 15/25

Average in all categories, this poem was weighed down by its structure and its lack of a distinctive voice.

----------------------------

First off, I think we should all give a gianomous thank you to Hawke, without her, this challenge would not be able to be completed.

Results:

Wallmaker: 62/75
Olly Buckle: 59/75
Mermaid on the Breakwater: 52/75
Vangoghsear: 61/75
Wafti: 54/75
MisterJack: 54/75
Briandee: 43/75
Garden of Kadesh: 57/75
Rcallaci: 54/75

So the winners are:

3) Olly Buckle: 59/75

2) Vangoghsear: 61/75

1) Wallmaker: 62/75

Congratulations to the winners!

rcallaci · 03-29-2008, 12:28 PM

Good job all around. Kudos to the winners. My short poem thanks you for your kind critiques. The Cinquain (the poetic structure of my piece) is one of my favorite poetic forms which I hope to see more of on the poetry boards in the near future, ( As well as other structured poetry) now that we have a poetic discussion sub-forum.

Again congrats to all who participated (judges and poets) -a special thanks to Hawke - who kept it alive till Shawn's return

my warmest
Bob

Garden of Kadesh · 03-29-2008, 01:54 PM

I was counting the days for this

Thank you judges, and congrats to the winners.

Wallmaker · 03-29-2008, 06:55 PM

Thank you guys for judging. I'm glad you enjoyed my poem and I'll be sure to iron out those clunky passages.

I'm glad we all made it through the poetry challenge... I was wondering if it would ever happen!

vangoghsear · 03-30-2008, 08:44 AM

Wow, I can't believe I took second in that field of great poems. Congratulations Olly and Wallmaker. Thanks judges for your efforts and commentary. Thanks Hawke for keeping it going.

MisterJack · 03-30-2008, 10:19 AM

Yes, good work judges. Thank you for taking the time to keep the comp running, you too Hawke. Congrats to the winners, and, to all the writers for entering, a big well done.
See you all in the next round

Jack

Wafti · 03-30-2008, 12:43 PM

Congratulations to the winners, and much thanks to the judges. Looking forward to the next competition. I enjoyed reading everyone elses entries too.

To Foxee:
Apologies for the wasted google search on 'dib-blades', there is no meaning to the word 'dib', and it's certainly not any sort of technical term.

I added 'dib' because I liked the thought of diminutising the rather more viscious, rigid image of a blade with the childishly simple suggestion given by a nonsense word.

And Xylem and Phloem are more than just biologically-techincal gimics.

To J.R. MacLean:
I have to admit that describing my work as 'derivative' rather hurt,

, but I'm interested, which other work/style do you think I have derived my poem from?

As for aimless, the message of the poem was perhaps too hidden? The was no real development in terms of a narrative, but it certainly had an aim - it was more a critique/commentary.

Foxee · 03-30-2008, 02:54 PM

Quote:

To Foxee:
Apologies for the wasted google search on 'dib-blades', there is no meaning to the word 'dib', and it's certainly not any sort of technical term.

I added 'dib' because I liked the thought of diminutising the rather more viscious, rigid image of a blade with the childishly simple suggestion given by a nonsense word.

And Xylem and Phloem are more than just biologically-techincal gimics.

Hey, no problem, I'm not against making up a word if it works in the context and yours did. I do think that together with the 'talking' snail brought the Alice-in-Wonderlandish feel to it for me.

As far as Xylem and Phloem go, I was content to find their meaning and say, 'oh! I see'.

I enjoyed the poem quite a bit. It reminded me a little of the feeling I had growing up when I'd take a long rambling walk to observe nature and feel a part of it. There is always more to life than you think.

Mermaid on the breakwater · 03-31-2008, 08:09 AM

Thanks for taking the time to all involved. Well done to those who achieved a high score.

apple · 03-31-2008, 03:01 PM

Congratulations to you Wallmaker. I enjoyed your poem immensely.

Vangoghsear, very nice. congrats.

Olly, congratulations. Good poem.

Olly Buckle · 04-01-2008, 06:30 PM

Thank you very much every one and congratulations all round.

[quote]

To Foxee:
Apologies for the wasted google search on 'dib-blades', there is no meaning to the word 'dib', and it's certainly not any sort of technical term.[quote/]

You dib with a dibber, a dibber is a bullet shaped piece of heavy iron with a handle about four foot long so the whole thing is a bit over five foot. Farm labourers in East Anglia up to the beginning of the twentieth century would have a half acre or so of ground attached to their cottage as vegetable garden, half of it would be used to grow wheat, after tilling the ground the small holder would walk it with a dibber in each hand stabbing them into the ground with his wife or children following dropping seed wheat into the holes. A practiced worker could produce an almost perfectly even planting pattern with a considerable saving over broadcasting, small wheelbarrow shaped seed drills supplanted the dibber before the cottage economy died out early in the twentieth century.