08/18/08 - Cover Letter Scores - Writers Forum

Hawke · 09-11-2008, 12:21 PM

I'd like to extend a huge thank you to Shawn, SacredCircle, eggo, Brightside and Triq for judging this round. Also, a huge thank you to eggo for providing an excellent prompt, and to everyone who submitted. Well done, all.

Note: The scores are all over the board this time. It happens. It’s all subjective and open to interpretation, etc. Please keep in mind that these are only opinions, so please don’t take them personally and/or give the judges a hard time.

And now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for—your LM scores.

Chaeronia - 14, 15, 14, 8, 0 = 51 - Average = 10.2
ohdear - 12, 18, 14, 17, 11 = 72 - Average = 14.4
Matthatter - 15, 16, 15, 15, 15 = 76 - Average = 15.2
Wildcard - 16, 19, 16, 18, 8 = 77 - Average = 15.4
speakerphone2 - 10, 5, 17, 10, 6 = 48 - Average - 9.6
eggo - N/A - Judge
Tiamat10 - 17, 18, 18, 11, 15 = 79 - Average = 15.8
AlittlePlum - 18, 16, 12, 17, 9 = 72 - Average = 14.4
geisha - 20, 19.5, 19, 17, 9 - 84.5 - Average = 16.9
2.0 - 17, 18, 15, 16, 9 = 75 - Average = 15

First place: geisha!

Second place: Tiamat10!

Third place: Wildcard!

Congratulations!

Note: Please let me know asap if there are any errors or omissions. Thank you.

Hawke · 09-11-2008, 12:23 PM

Shawn's Scores

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Chaeronia

"Application for Debt Manager (job ref: LS265)"

While creative and engaging, this piece fails to address the prompt in a significant way and is also ridden with minute grammatical errors (easily caught on perusal) indicative of a rough draft.

14/20

ohdear

"Untitled"

This addresses the prompt. However, the brevity of the "letter" enhances the numerous grammatical and stylistic errors. The attempted gimmick was particularly ineffective because of this.

12/20

Matthatter

"Untitled"

This addresses the prompt neatly and follows a format expected of a cover letter. I would urge the author to study sentence construction more deeply in order to maintain this excellent tone, whilst excising most of the overly-verbiose prose. That accounts for the majority of point deductions.

15/20

Wildcard

"Untitled"

This addresses the prompt and follows a structure expected of a cover letter. Grammatically, this is nearly flawless. However, this piece does not display a matured writing style. I would also like to stress, to all authors, that alt + 0151 will produce an em dash.

16/20

Speakerphone2

"Untitled"

Despite the intention of "making a point" by omitting any standard of the English language ever known to man, I could not award any points for the grammatical correctness of this piece. This addresses the prompt, however, and follows what could be construed as a letter were it not for the aforementioned errors. This piece is, however, engaging; and for that I give my congratulations.

10/20

Eggo

"Untitled"

This completely addresses the prompt in a definite, safe manner. There are very few grammatical errors.

N/A - Judge

Tiamat10

"Untitled"

This addresses the prompt and delivers it in a consistent and appropriate tone. I fail to see, however, the manner in which an illiterate slob would understand the rules of syncopation but remain ignorant of proper spelling.

17/20

ALittlePlum

"Untitled"

This piece displays a good attempt at addressing the prompt in its entirety. For staying on topic, I remove any deductions that occured due to the minimal grammatical errors.

18/20

Geisha

"Untitled"

This piece displays a mature writing style and a superb command of the English language. The structure in which this is written is informed and is consistent with what would be expected of high satire. This is clearly the standout entry.

20/20

2.0

"Untitled"

While I would like to congratulate the author on their research (or expertise), the stylistic qualities of this did not impress me as much as I would have hoped. I would advise editing for deadwood and punctuation in future writings.

17/20

Hawke · 09-11-2008, 12:27 PM

SacredCircle's Scores

Chaeronia-15
This feels more like a story than a cover letter for a job opening. It is an interesting take on the idea on the prompt.

OhDear-18
Very clever. I love your use of your words to sound professional and to show exactly which Monica you are.

Matthatter-16
I feel like I must be missing something as to who these people are. If I am missing something and this has gone over my head, my apologies.
This sounds more like you are talking with him than a cover letter.

Wildcard-19
I really enjoyed this. It reads as a cover letter and creative.

Speakerphone2-5

Eggo-N/A - Judge
Fantastic! I was truly carried away with the story you were able to tell. And wanting to be an ice cream truck driver was really the icing on the cake.

Tiamat10-18
I love it. You stayed in character throughout making this a very humorous read.

ALittlePlum-16
Clever idea and nicely done.

Geisha-19.5
I just love this! Everything about this was really fun to read.

2.0-18

Hawke · 09-11-2008, 12:30 PM

eggo's Scores

Chaeronia-Application for Debt Manager (job ref: LS265) - 493 words

Great idea for a story here, but I don’t think you explored all the angles. A batsman isn’t likely to kill a dog and let it go at that.
More than likely this would serve as a warning for him to pay his debt and he would be back the next day.

14 / 20

Ohdear- To Whom it May Concern

Haha, funny. A couple of errors here and there ( widespread is one word) and sort of a one-trick pony, but still funny.

14/20

Matthatter - No title

I thought the names in this story had some significance, but after a Google search came up empty. I like the voice here. Remained true to the mail-order wife thing pretty much all the way through.
Entertaining , but never really pushed the envelope.

15/20

Wildcard- no title

Nice use of font. Good ways to expand this idea and let it roam free a bit. I like the idea that hell is just an extension of what we do already and the nine to five drudgery lives on into eternity.

16/20

Speakerphone2- Ditzez 4 MiNiMuM wage!!1one
Loved this experiment in free flowing prose. I know someone who speaks exactly like this, so for me it was startling real.
A few slips from voice got you here and there, but I liked this.

17/20

Eggo- Life on the Side of the Road

What you lack in talent, you can only hope to glean in pity.

Tiamat10- No title

Laughed my ass off from front to back. I can only imagine him sending a video in showing how weel he does it hisself.
Excellent job.

18/20

Alitteplum- Talking Clock Inc.

Good idea. A little threadbare to carry this through though.

12/20

Geisha- no title

Quote:

My opinion was not a popular one with campus leaders, but I did have a large following of students who would meet with me late in the evenings to discuss your products, which paid for my last two years of schooling.

Hahaha.
Written very well. This was excellent use of the prompt.

19/20

2-0- no title

Roman turkey?
Sounds like a thanksgiving I’m going to skip. Although I can’t help but wonder what her professors gave her for grades.

15/20

Hawke · 09-11-2008, 12:31 PM

Brightside’s Scores

Title: Application for Debt Manager (job ref: LS265)
Author: Chaeronia
I had trouble reading this to start with because of its short sentences. Tenuous link to the theme also, in my opinion – more of a story than a cover letter! Nasty twist at the end though, which I wasn’t expecting
8/20

Title: To Whom it May Concern
Author: Ohdear
Interesting! I wonder what ‘Monica’ you refer tooJ! Written well and easy to read, which equalled its easy tone.
17/20

Title: Mr. Thomas Hutchinson
Author: Matthatter
Lots of subtle hinting in this one! The writing is ok, and the style holds well throughout – though the theme of ‘selling one’s self’ got to me slightly at the end. Only slightly though!
15/20

Title: The human resources manager Northeastern sector, Hell.
Author: Wildcard
Loved the idea for this one – really took the theme and gave it an imaginative twist! Made me laugh, and well written.
18/20

Title: Ditzez 4 MiNiMuM wage!!1one
Author: Speakerphone2
I liked the idea, but it was hard to read – which I believe was what you intended, so it was a difficult one to score!
10/20

Title: "Life on the Side of the Road"
Author: eggo
A meandering look into a very weird man’s life!! The writing was fine, though I was waiting for the ‘shock’ at the first mention of Victoria.
N/A - Judge

Title: Dear Jim Bob Jeehosefat
Author: Tiamat10
Another tongue-in-cheek letter! Good idea, though I found the style hard to read, though I gather most of the writing was a style choice, based on character!
11/20

Title: Talking clock Inc
Author: AlittlePlum
Really gripped the theme here, I thought! A humorous idea, and well written. Enjoyed it. Cogsworth indeed!
17/20

Title:
Author: Geisha
Embraced the idea with gusto and it was easy to read. Had a serious writing tone that contrasted well with the content.
17/20

Title: 9-1-08
Author: 2.0
Well written English, with good structure, and sticks to the theme with a wry smile!
16/20

Hawke · 09-11-2008, 12:36 PM

Triquediqual’s Scores

Chaeronia àI don’t understand what you’re doing here at all. This is supposed to be a Job Application cover note. Do you not even know what a Cover Note is, there was no reference to why you should get a job, no reason as to why you are applying nor why you would be a good candidate and the job isn’t even mentioned. Thus, you haven’t answered the question posed, therefore I’ve no choice but to give you 0/20.

Even if it was about “Your Job”, I found the text at time difficult to read and doesn’t flow well, the English quality is that of an average 14 year old schoolboy in my honest opinion, as a piece void of the actual question, it was nonetheless a boring and lacklustre piece with no originality whatsoever. It also wasn’t written in the style of a Cover Note. Absolutely awful and deserving of Negative Scoring however the rules show it was to be between 0-20 so for not answering the question, I’m sorry but you have to get 0/20 automatically.

Ohdear àFirstly, I immediately notices some errors in Grammar, of which I dock you marks. The style and actual content was to the point, effective and written the way a cover note should be written. I felt you were writing too many “I am”s without actually backing it up, making your claims as good as any other person who may not be qualified, however it was a convincing piece. For the “Unfaithfully”, I’m docking marks because it’s just not funny, and doesn’t suit the piece at all…given the seriousness of the job cover note.

Taking 3 marks off for each mistake above, plus some of the wording was awkwardly used and lacked meaning at times, I’ll give this 11/20

Matthatter àMy count shows you exceeded your 500 word count by 13 words, I’ll take 1/3marks for each word i.e roughly 4marks. The piece is a humorous one in total which I liked the twist on while the grammar, and use of wording throughout was very well indeed. I enjoyed the read entirely and would have read more. However it did lack meaning in relation to a cover note slightly and went off the topic in some sense. I can’t attack the piece much though to be honest. Thus, I’ll give this a score of 15/20

Wildcard àLike Matthatters piece, it was meant to be a humorous attack on Cover Notes, but the difference is that yours gets boring and dull after reading the first few lines and overall it’s not written particularly well, while there are some grammar issues as well…Overall, taking 4 marks for each…I’ll reward you with 8/20

Speakerphone2 àI presume that the lack of grammar here is deliberate, I find it annoying and docking you 25% of marks for that…I hate it. Plus your use of wording is particularly bad as well…which didn’t help the deliberate no grammar. The issue isn’t really tackled in a great sense either. I can see it’s meant to be funny as well…but like Wildcard, it completely bored me and nothing interesting happened in this piece at all.

20 – { 25% + 3 + 3 + 3} è 6/20

Eggo àI half liked this piece…it’s written well, however I found the Victoria storyline to be a little frustrating as it dominated the cover note, I just think a few lines could have dealt with this issue and you could have focussed on a more serious/humorous cover note comment. As I half liked it, I’ll give it N/A - Judge

Tiamat10 àGreat piece, found little wrong with it…15/20

Good, little mistake, a nice short humorous piece…I think you could have wrote more and some of the wording could have been improved in areas while the Cambridge Courses could have been a lot more humorous I thought. Good though!

AlittlePlum->"I found this to be another humorous take on this Cover Note very original. However, I didn't particularly like the Courses mentoned and thought they could have been significantly improved. It was funny throughout however the grammar and vocabulary and flow of wording wasn't particularly overhwelming, just average and monotonous. I'll give this 9/20

Geisha àNot much to say unfortunately. It was a well written piece, had the serious of a cover note with tints of humour throughout which were good but I’ve read better tonight. It’s just not great and I can see you’re not a great writer. Anyway, while it’s good, for boredom and lack of humour ( as you meant for this to be )…I’m struggling to concoct a figure here, somewhere around the 9/20 seems appropriate I believe.

2.0 àI don’t particularly like the double-spacing and that part of presentation was poor so I dock you 2 marks there. As a piece, like before, it appeals to both the serious/humorous sides without being too much on either side. The wording overall was average so I dock you 2 marks for that…as it’s slightly boring after some time, I dock you 3 marks…I also found many words clashed and made reading this piece particularly uncomfortable, it may be personal opinion, but that is what every Judge is in essence.

Thus in total, I rank this at 9/20

Tiamat10 · 09-11-2008, 01:18 PM

Wow, that was most definitely a bumpy ride. Still, we survived, so congrats to Geisha! Interestingly, this is the first time I've placed in an LM--and with one of the worst scores I've gotten, too! But it was good fun, so thanks much to all you judges.

Chaeronia · 09-11-2008, 01:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tiamat10

Wow, that was most definitely a bumpy ride. Still, we survived, so congrats to Geisha! Interestingly, this is the first time I've placed in an LM--and with one of the worst scores I've gotten, too! But it was good fun, so thanks much to all you judges.

Arf! Says a lot about the competition

Tiamat10 · 09-11-2008, 01:24 PM

Nah, it says more about the vast array of differing opinions in the world than anything.

Sam Winchester · 09-11-2008, 01:30 PM

Seriously - zero! A score of zero for Cheronia? That's a slight bit harsh, don't you think?

Congratulations to Geisha, Tiamat, and Wildcard.

Chaeronia · 09-11-2008, 01:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sam Winchester

Seriously - zero! A score of zero for Cheronia? That's a slight bit harsh, don't you think?

Congratulations to Geisha, Tiamat, and Wildcard.

I'm quite proud of my zero!

Wildcard · 09-11-2008, 01:39 PM

Quote:

Triquediqual

Who exactly is this person? The name doesn't ring any bells.

Thanks to all the judges

and congrats Geisha and Tia. Thanks Sam.

geisha · 09-11-2008, 01:50 PM

Wow! Guess I should have skipped the nap and popped over here instead!

Thank you so much! I was hoping to place this time around, but didn't expect to win. I very much appreciate how much people seemed to enjoy it, with only a 9/20 exception.

Congratulations to Wildcard and Tiamat as well. Not a slew of entries, but some good competition.

Thanks to eggo too for such a fun prompt. Most fun I had writing something in a while.

SacredCircle · 09-11-2008, 02:03 PM

Congrats Geisha! I had blast reading these. I do apologize for the short and repetitive comments. I'll try to be a little more in depth next time around.

Triquediqual · 09-11-2008, 02:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wildcard

Who exactly is this person? The name doesn't ring any bells.

Hi Wildcard,

Who am I? I'll give a brief introduction so. The name is Triquediqual. I've been a member here for just over a year now. I mainly publish and critique heavily the poetry on this site, much to the dismay of most, but that's because the quality is very poor and I provide beneficial and contructive advice as well as putdowns on what shouldn't be done.

Occasionally, I critique Short Stories, however Poetry is my forté, and at Eighteen years of age, I've been complemented greatly to my skill in the writing arena. I'm still learning, as is everyone who writes, but I basically know what's shit and what's not.

I'm studying Second Year Pharmacy at the moment, and have a first class honours score in Medicinal Chemistry and will be pursuing a Ph.D in this area after my degree. In languages, I'm pursuing fluency in the arena of Spanish, Italian, and French, and achieved the highest mark in my Secondary school for over a decade.