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Thread: 09/28/07 | Break Up Song

  1. #1
    Profound Writer valeca's Avatar
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    09/28/07 | Break Up Song

    This LM Challenge is the brainchild of vangoghsear.

    Your challenge this round is to write a humorous break up song. Please do not include music (original or otherwise) with your song.

    Each song must be no longer than 200 words.

    No parodies please.

    All genres welcome.

    Entries accepted until October 5, 2007. (1 week)

    Each judge will also choose the entry they think is the funniest (which may or may not be the song they scored the highest).

    Your judges this round are:
    Hawke
    Lost In Some Story
    Foxee
    Jiieden
    The plot thickens...but only if you stir it constantly over a low heat. ~valeca on Twitter

    Tagtropolis

    Follow me here.

  2. #2
    Scripts Moderator vangoghsear's Avatar
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    Surprise Package!

    Not sure if I can enter for judging since it was my suggestion, but I wrote this this morning (I had been thinking of a writing a parody song, but i had to do an original to meet the criteria, so this one is all mine). About 190 words. Enjoy.


    Surprise Package!

    ©Vangoghsear 2007

    (Intro)

    She came home early from work one day
    and found her man at home.
    She heard him giggle in the room next door
    and wondered if he was alone.

    (Verse)
    She found the door
    opened a crack.
    she peeked inside,
    was taken aback.

    She didn’t find
    a girlfriend there,
    but found him wearin'
    her best underwear!

    (Chorus)

    He had her panties on,
    the lacy kind,
    sheer in the back
    to show his behind!

    Had her brassiere on
    with his bust pushed up
    and a water balloon
    in each C cup.


    (Verse)
    Gaped in wonder
    at her hairy man
    sheer underwear,
    showing his can.

    His package tucked
    between his thighs,
    suspendered stockings
    hurting her eyes! (Chorus)

    (Verse)
    She wondered why
    her new underwear
    was always stretched
    beyond repair.

    she wondered why
    her panties seemed
    to have skid marks,
    they should be clean! (Chorus)

    (Verse)
    A transvestite!
    Just her luck.
    Decided then that
    they should break up.

    She’d pack her bags
    and move away,
    but leave her undies
    'cause she’d remember the day! (chorus 2x)


    Edits:
    9-29-07: Overhauled the verses to make them better fit a pattern.
    Last edited by vangoghsear; 09-29-2007 at 05:23 PM. Reason: Refined the grammar a little.
    "PS: don't take technical advice about cold fusion from someone who can't spell fuzhun."

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  3. #3
    Scribe
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    My Baby's So Cold

    The sky it was dark, the wind it was blowing;
    You picked up your bag and you said you were going.
    My head it was swimming, digesting the facts
    And then I saw red and quickly picked up the axe.

    Chorus
    I told you we belonged together,
    You’ll be mine forever and ever.
    You wanted to run off with some French geezer,
    But I’ve got your body parts bagged up in my freezer.

    I look into your eyes that were last filled with tears
    As I hold up your head by your delicate ears.
    I flicker my tongue along your full-bodied lips
    Whilst remembering that I must defrost your hips.

    Chorus

    All around the house your perfume still lingers;
    I play with myself, but using your fingers.
    As the climax approaches, I get hold of your thumb
    And shove it quite firmly, right up my bum.

    Chorus

    Your dismembered hand is busily jerking,
    But I cannot cum; this just isn’t working.
    I thought that I loved you, but that is all lost
    So I press the red button that’s labelled “Defrost”.

    Chorus

  4. #4
    WF Veteran Loulou's Avatar
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    This, hopefully, isn't a parody as it's not imitating an actual work just taking the piss out of a stereotype. This may not translate well outside of the UK so I've put some definitions at the bottom.....



    Innit
    (A postmodern Chav break up song)

    183 words

    this is my song
    wot I wrote innit
    loyalty and respeck
    you dint bring it
    you maxed out my
    credit card limit
    buying your new slag
    Joop perfume with it
    take your Burberry tracker
    and your fat arse in it

    now sing it
    innit

    CHORUS
    chavscum, we are done
    buy your own weekend Stella
    and your own fake gun
    chavscum, you dint make me cum
    buy your own bag of E’s
    and your own fake gun

    you was banned
    from Iceland
    for nickin’ fish fillets
    and 7-up cans
    wi’ your ASBO ban
    and sovereign rings
    you aint comin’ back
    you aint my man
    you got ‘er pregnant
    wi’ just one bang

    REPEAT CHORUS

    gonna get wi’ antichav
    go all emo in your face
    he’s called cry-me-a-riva
    on facebook n myspace
    wi’ his razored arms
    he’ll take your place
    you totally is
    a disssgrace
    the love we had
    a waste

    REPEAT CHORUS

    lay your townie head
    on your leather chav bed
    get your slag to suck
    your dick instead
    never did rate your skill
    givin’ head
    rather do myself
    more cred

    REPEAT CHORUS TO FADE





    ( NOTE - Chav is a derogatory slang term in popular usage throughout the UK. It refers to a subculture stereotype of a person who is uneducated, uncultured and prone to antisocial or immoral behaviour. The label is typically, though not exclusively, applied to teenagers and young adults of white working-class or lower-middle class origin. Chav is used for both sexes, where a male chav is sometimes referred to as a chavster and a female as a chavette.)

    Definitions…..

    Chavscum - the absolute worst of chavs
    Iceland – cheap, chav-type frozen food store
    Stella – beer choice of the chav
    ASBO – Antisocial Behaviour Order
    Burberry – brand preferred by chavs
    Sovereign rings – preferred chav bling
    Townie – another word for chav
    Tracker – Track suit – every chav has one, usually tucked into socks
    Slag - female chav who sleeps around

    Good website……

    http://www.chavscum.co.uk/
    Last edited by Loulou; 09-29-2007 at 07:42 PM.
    She [Loulou] makes John Irving look like a dyslexic eight-year-old - JosephB
    Some stories work better if we pretend they're not true - Louise Beech
    Winner of sixth Glass Woman Prize, Aesthetica Creative Works, Whidbey Writer's Award and 2012 Eric Hoffer Prose Award. Shortlisted for Bridport Prize. Published in Room, Ocean, Prima, People's Friend and Sunday Express magazines.

  5. #5
    Scribe Matthatter's Avatar
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    She Was a Man

    She Was a Man
    ©Matthatter 2007


    (200 words)


    (verse)

    I saw this girl, so beautiful,
    I had to make her mine.
    I introduced myself, and held her hand,
    as the moon passed through the sky.

    I didn’t know it yet, so don’t blame me.
    Believe me, I’m ashamed.
    I don’t know how that this can happen;
    I assure you, that I’m straight.

    (chorus)

    She was a man,
    A man a man a man a man
    A man a man a man
    -- I can’t believe this.

    She was a man
    A man a man
    Oh, my, god
    A man a man a man
    Tell me I’m dreaming.


    (Verse)

    She wasn’t any normal chick,
    Her calves were strong, her neck was thick.
    Dammit—how’d I miss it?!
    I’m not gay.
    Please believe this!

    She invited me to her apartment
    and I went.
    Her room reeked of incense
    and a manly Musk-y scent.

    She lied down on her back and
    pulled me to her thighs.
    I bent down to her skirt and
    prepared to lift it high.


    (chorus)


    My head so close, if
    only I was blind…

    I opened my up eyes and
    laid them on my prize.

    No delicate virgin
    no clean-shaved lines,

    but a lacey little thong,
    with a bulge forced-fit inside.

    (chorus)
    Last edited by Matthatter; 10-05-2007 at 05:48 PM.

  6. #6
    Writer virtugirl333's Avatar
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    You Dumped Me for My Brother


    Oooh oooh
    You took me by the hand
    You looked in my eyes
    You said “Sorry, babe
    but I’ve got something on my mind.”

    Chores:
    Oh oh
    Your brother’s so fine
    Oh oh
    Do ya think he’d be mine?
    Oh oh
    You dumped me for my brother
    & I’m puttin’ you out of my mind

    Oooh oooh
    I left you standin’ there
    I fought agnist my sorrow
    How cold I not know?
    Your words echo in my mind

    (Repeat Chores)

    Oh no no no!
    I can’t believe it!
    I can’t over it!

    (Repeat Chores)

    (Fade)
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  7. #7
    Scrivener Charlie_Eleanor's Avatar
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    I know this probably isn't suitable to everyone's humor, but I think it is funny ...

    Oh that happy day,
    You came home to me.
    I never thought you’d say,
    ‘Baby, you’re a daddy’

    It makes it all worth it,
    The fights,
    The tears,
    The years.

    Inside you now,
    Is a little guy or girl,
    I promise you now,
    I’d give them the world.

    There is just one problem,
    The father ain’t me.
    I never told you, bitch,
    ‘Bout my secret vasectomy.

    It makes it all worth it,
    The fights,
    The tears,
    The years.

    Inside you now,
    Is a little guy or girl,
    I hope your pro-choice, whore,
    Cuz this ain’t my chore.

    The problem is this,
    The father ain’t me.
    I never told you, bitch,
    ‘Bout my secret vasectomy.
    Make your BodyWork

  8. #8
    Scrivener smilinghelps's Avatar
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    Get Out Of My Box
    (200 words)


    Verse 1
    Like sparks from an unoiled engine
    You brightened up my life
    Grinding gears to a halt
    Like the world around us
    Your toothless grin and tatted body
    And large collection of knives
    Persuaded me into our journey
    Upon a Greyhound Bus



    Verse 2
    The adventures we shared
    Digging in the trash
    And nights we spent
    In abandoned cars
    Must've been too much
    Of a wicked blast
    For the man who dreamt
    Of drinking in bars


    Chorus
    Get out of my box, you no good bum
    It's my Frigidaire that I found myself
    The sides stay up and it's got a roof
    And you thought that I was so dumb!


    Bridge
    Don't try to win me over
    With your big gummy grin
    It ain't gonna work no more
    Your fingers won't glide through
    My greasy hair again
    You'll be lucky to sleep on the floor.


    Verse 3
    I know what I saw with my own
    Beady eyes
    You were with that chick
    From stop thirty-two
    You licked her cheek
    And slapped her ass
    And thought I didn't see you


    Chorus Repeat
    Get out of my box, get out of my life
    You said that I was the one.
    Get out of my box! Out of my stinkin' box!
    "I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day."
    E. B. White

  9. #9
    FoWF Hawke's Avatar
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    Oops. This should have been closed. So I'll take the liberty of doing just that.


    Okay judges, have at it!
    How To Get Critiques On Your Work: WF is very much a give and take community, meaning the best way to get constructive critiques and comments on your work is to give them to others.
    "Shut up and write something." —eggo
    Hawke's View

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