Thread: 09/28/07 | Break Up Song

This LM Challenge is the brainchild of vangoghsear.

Your challenge this round is to write a humorous break up song. Please do not include music (original or otherwise) with your song.

Each song must be no longer than 200 words.

No parodies please.

All genres welcome.

Entries accepted until October 5, 2007. (1 week)

Each judge will also choose the entry they think is the funniest (which may or may not be the song they scored the highest).

Your judges this round are:
Hawke
Lost In Some Story
Foxee
Jiieden

Not sure if I can enter for judging since it was my suggestion, but I wrote this this morning (I had been thinking of a writing a parody song, but i had to do an original to meet the criteria, so this one is all mine). About 190 words. Enjoy.

Surprise Package!
©Vangoghsear 2007

(Intro)
She came home early from work one day
and found her man at home.
She heard him giggle in the room next door
and wondered if he was alone.

(Verse)
She found the door
opened a crack.
she peeked inside,
was taken aback.

She didn’t find
a girlfriend there,
but found him wearin'
her best underwear!

(Chorus)

He had her panties on,
the lacy kind,
sheer in the back
to show his behind!

Had her brassiere on
with his bust pushed up
and a water balloon
in each C cup.

(Verse)
Gaped in wonder
at her hairy man
sheer underwear,
showing his can.

His package tucked
between his thighs,
suspendered stockings
hurting her eyes! (Chorus)

(Verse)
She wondered why
her new underwear
was always stretched
beyond repair.

she wondered why
her panties seemed
to have skid marks,
they should be clean! (Chorus)

(Verse)
A transvestite!
Just her luck.
Decided then that
they should break up.

She’d pack her bags
and move away,
but leave her undies
'cause she’d remember the day! (chorus 2x)


Edits:
9-29-07: Overhauled the verses to make them better fit a pattern.

My Baby's So Cold

The sky it was dark, the wind it was blowing;
You picked up your bag and you said you were going.
My head it was swimming, digesting the facts
And then I saw red and quickly picked up the axe.

Chorus
I told you we belonged together,
You’ll be mine forever and ever.
You wanted to run off with some French geezer,
But I’ve got your body parts bagged up in my freezer.

I look into your eyes that were last filled with tears
As I hold up your head by your delicate ears.
I flicker my tongue along your full-bodied lips
Whilst remembering that I must defrost your hips.

Chorus

All around the house your perfume still lingers;
I play with myself, but using your fingers.
As the climax approaches, I get hold of your thumb
And shove it quite firmly, right up my bum.

Chorus

Your dismembered hand is busily jerking,
But I cannot cum; this just isn’t working.
I thought that I loved you, but that is all lost
So I press the red button that’s labelled “Defrost”.

Chorus

This, hopefully, isn't a parody as it's not imitating an actual work just taking the piss out of a stereotype. This may not translate well outside of the UK so I've put some definitions at the bottom.....



Innit
(A postmodern Chav break up song)

183 words

this is my song
wot I wrote innit
loyalty and respeck
you dint bring it
you maxed out my
credit card limit
buying your new slag
Joop perfume with it
take your Burberry tracker
and your fat arse in it

now sing it
innit

CHORUS
chavscum, we are done
buy your own weekend Stella
and your own fake gun
chavscum, you dint make me cum
buy your own bag of E’s
and your own fake gun

you was banned
from Iceland
for nickin’ fish fillets
and 7-up cans
wi’ your ASBO ban
and sovereign rings
you aint comin’ back
you aint my man
you got ‘er pregnant
wi’ just one bang

REPEAT CHORUS

gonna get wi’ antichav
go all emo in your face
he’s called cry-me-a-riva
on facebook n myspace
wi’ his razored arms
he’ll take your place
you totally is
a disssgrace
the love we had
a waste

REPEAT CHORUS

lay your townie head
on your leather chav bed
get your slag to suck
your dick instead
never did rate your skill
givin’ head
rather do myself
more cred

REPEAT CHORUS TO FADE





( NOTE - Chav is a derogatory slang term in popular usage throughout the UK. It refers to a subculture stereotype of a person who is uneducated, uncultured and prone to antisocial or immoral behaviour. The label is typically, though not exclusively, applied to teenagers and young adults of white working-class or lower-middle class origin. Chav is used for both sexes, where a male chav is sometimes referred to as a chavster and a female as a chavette.)

Definitions…..

Chavscum - the absolute worst of chavs
Iceland – cheap, chav-type frozen food store
Stella – beer choice of the chav
ASBO – Antisocial Behaviour Order
Burberry – brand preferred by chavs
Sovereign rings – preferred chav bling
Townie – another word for chav
Tracker – Track suit – every chav has one, usually tucked into socks
Slag - female chav who sleeps around

Good website……

http://www.chavscum.co.uk/

She Was a Man
©Matthatter 2007

(200 words)


(verse)

I saw this girl, so beautiful,
I had to make her mine.
I introduced myself, and held her hand,
as the moon passed through the sky.

I didn’t know it yet, so don’t blame me.
Believe me, I’m ashamed.
I don’t know how that this can happen;
I assure you, that I’m straight.

(chorus)

She was a man,
A man a man a man a man
A man a man a man
-- I can’t believe this.

She was a man
A man a man
Oh, my, god
A man a man a man
Tell me I’m dreaming.

(Verse)

She wasn’t any normal chick,
Her calves were strong, her neck was thick.
Dammit—how’d I miss it?!
I’m not gay.
Please believe this!

She invited me to her apartment
and I went.
Her room reeked of incense
and a manly Musk-y scent.

She lied down on her back and
pulled me to her thighs.
I bent down to her skirt and
prepared to lift it high.


(chorus)

My head so close, if
only I was blind…

I opened my up eyes and
laid them on my prize.

No delicate virgin
no clean-shaved lines,

but a lacey little thong,
with a bulge forced-fit inside.

(chorus)

You Dumped Me for My Brother


Oooh oooh
You took me by the hand
You looked in my eyes
You said “Sorry, babe
but I’ve got something on my mind.”

Chores:
Oh oh
Your brother’s so fine
Oh oh
Do ya think he’d be mine?
Oh oh
You dumped me for my brother
& I’m puttin’ you out of my mind

Oooh oooh
I left you standin’ there
I fought agnist my sorrow
How cold I not know?
Your words echo in my mind

(Repeat Chores)

Oh no no no!
I can’t believe it!
I can’t over it!

(Repeat Chores)

(Fade)

I know this probably isn't suitable to everyone's humor, but I think it is funny ...

Oh that happy day,
You came home to me.
I never thought you’d say,
‘Baby, you’re a daddy’

It makes it all worth it,
The fights,
The tears,
The years.

Inside you now,
Is a little guy or girl,
I promise you now,
I’d give them the world.

There is just one problem,
The father ain’t me.
I never told you, bitch,
‘Bout my secret vasectomy.

It makes it all worth it,
The fights,
The tears,
The years.

Inside you now,
Is a little guy or girl,
I hope your pro-choice, whore,
Cuz this ain’t my chore.

The problem is this,
The father ain’t me.
I never told you, bitch,
‘Bout my secret vasectomy.

Get Out Of My Box
(200 words)


Verse 1
Like sparks from an unoiled engine
You brightened up my life
Grinding gears to a halt
Like the world around us
Your toothless grin and tatted body
And large collection of knives
Persuaded me into our journey
Upon a Greyhound Bus



Verse 2
The adventures we shared
Digging in the trash
And nights we spent
In abandoned cars
Must've been too much
Of a wicked blast
For the man who dreamt
Of drinking in bars


Chorus
Get out of my box, you no good bum
It's my Frigidaire that I found myself
The sides stay up and it's got a roof
And you thought that I was so dumb!


Bridge
Don't try to win me over
With your big gummy grin
It ain't gonna work no more
Your fingers won't glide through
My greasy hair again
You'll be lucky to sleep on the floor.


Verse 3
I know what I saw with my own
Beady eyes
You were with that chick
From stop thirty-two
You licked her cheek
And slapped her ass
And thought I didn't see you


Chorus Repeat
Get out of my box, get out of my life
You said that I was the one.
Get out of my box! Out of my stinkin' box!

Oops. This should have been closed. So I'll take the liberty of doing just that.


Okay judges, have at it!