Thread: 8-10-07 | Scores

A month and some major confusion later... Thanks to all the participants and judges of this LM—except Savant Deviance, who gets this month's "slacker" award.


mandax: 14 | 17 | 14 | 16 | 15.25
Kelhanion: 8 | 8 | 15 | 9 | 10
cacafire: 8 | 8 | 15 | 9 | 10
Glfralin: 15 | 7 | 14 | 12 | 12
Itsaboysname: 14 | 14 | 16 | 14 | 14.5
Chris Miller: 19 | 19 | 17 | 17 | 18
gary_wagner: 13 | 19 | 17 | 15 | 16
eggo: 17 | 18 | 18 | 19 | 18
Syren: 10 | 18 | 18 | 14 | 15
Hawke: 12 | 17 | 17 | 14 | 15


Top Three

1) Chris Miller/eggo: 18
2) gary_wagner: 16
3) mandax: 15.25

Hodge's Scores



Silly Man
by mandax

I don't know if you intended this to work so well, but it does. I love it. It's the one thing I wanted to see in a poem. It's not over the top, but it definitely sounds like it came from a Japanese person with passable but poor English.

17/20


The Journey
by Kelhanion

I have no idea what's going on here. It's like you tried to do a take on a Japanese fable, but also tried to make it a poor translation, and it doesn't work...

8/20


Soliloquy by Komura-sama(The Metroid Speech)
by cacafire

Um. Sounds like an autistic southern child. However, the bit about Samus being female was pretty funny—I remember when I was younger how that surprised my friends. And I effing remember the original NES game, dammit! 8-bit color is king!

8/20 (points deducted for not including food)


Chef Gorgon’s Kitchen Hell
by Glfralin

Um again. Confused the hell out of me... And the technical errors really, really threw me off.

7/20


Fight For Your Dreams!
by Itsaboysname

I was hating this at first because it was too much like a bad kids' anime show—DBZ or something. But a squid eating contest?! Gold. A bit too melodramatic, though, and perhaps too much telling.

14/20


The Reception
by Chris Miller

Show off.

19/20


The Gila Monster Challenge
by gary_wagner

Hilarious! I'm glad someone did an Iron Chef parody. For those of you who haven't watched it, Gary wasn't exaggerating much at all.

19/20


Monster Mashed
by eggo

The title is perfect. The characters are perfect. All that was needed was Blue Öyster Cult for entertainment. Hiliarious!

18/20


Zeke and Beuford, Watch TV
by Syren

You have a sick mind. But... I can't say I've never thought about that, what with some of the exotic ingredients they use. Very good, and the American watching the show is a nice touch.

18/20


Double Dash
by Hawke

My only complaint about this one is the ending. You could have done so much more! But I feel cheated because of it. Guess that's what happens when you only have 500 words to write a story in...

17/20

TsuTseQ's Scores




First off, congrats everyone who entered – this was not an easy LM to do.

Mandax

Silly Man

This is charming. It really does have a feel like it’s been translated. Bonus points for making a poem!

Spelling & Grammar - 3/5
Tone & Voice - 4/5
Effect - 9/10
Total – 16/20

Kelhanion

The Journey

Huh?

Spelling & Grammar -2 /5
Tone & Voice -3 /5
Effect - 4/10
Total – 9/20


Cacafire

Soliloquy by Komura-sama(The Metroid Speech)

Hmmm. No exotic food, no good.

Spelling & Grammar - 3/5
Tone & Voice - 3/5
Effect -3 /10
Total – 9/10

Glfralin

Chef Gorgon’s Kitchen Hell

Yum! Fish guts. I’m glad you edited this – it was too much like a bad Jerry Lewis sketch before. Although, I can’t say I’m particularly charmed by the edit.

Spelling & Grammar - 3/5
Tone & Voice - 3/5
Effect - 6/10
Total – 12/20

Itsaboysname

Fight For Your Dreams.

Heh. Amusing. It’s like reading an obscure little anime, but you should edit before you post. At one point you’re avenging Ayna then you’re avenging Anya.

Spelling & Grammar - 3/5
Tone & Voice - 4/5
Effect - 7/10
Total – 14/10

Chris Miller

The Reception

Heh. You should have called this “Just Desserts”. This was entertaining, cleanly written. I love the translations into Japanese.

Spelling & Grammar -5 /5
Tone & Voice - 4/5
Effect - 8/10
Total – 17/20

Gary wagner

The Gila Monster Challenge

A literal Iron Chef story – is this an Iron Chef wish fulfillment? Kudos for the disgusting ingredient, but overall it lacked a certain spice to be a winner.

Spelling & Grammar - 4/5
Tone & Voice - 4/5
Effect - 7/10
Total – 15/20


Eggo

Monster Mashed

At the opening I was actually rolling my eyes, because I didn’t think this was going anywhere interesting. Boy, was I wrong. Loved it! Good twist on Japanese monster flicks. Love the exotic ingredient. Who knew Godzilla had manners?

Spelling & Grammar - 4/5
Tone & Voice - 5/5
Effect - 10/10
Total – 19/20

Syren

Zeke and Beuford Watch TV

Hmmm. How, erm, odd. I’m not sure if this is the result of rampant creativity or a fevered dream about the show. Verbose flavouring… heh.

Spelling & Grammar - 4/5
Tone & Voice - 3/5
Effect - 7/10
Total – 14/20

Hawke

Double Dash

Did I miss the secret ingredient? Was it wifely duty? Humility? What? Sorry, you lose points for failing to include it. Otherwise, this was a solid piece.


Spelling & Grammar - 4/5
Tone & Voice - 4/5
Effect - 6/10
Total – 14/20

silverwriter's Scores




**I’ve never watched an Iron Chef episode or, I imagine, much of anything like it, so that will likely have an influence on my judging.**

Title: Silly Man
Author: mandax

Kudos for being the first to “dare” submitting an entry into what’s certainly turning out to be one of the stranger LMs. I thought this was cute. The technical mistakes (beyond the intentional mistakes) were a bit distracting to me and took away from it, so I wasn’t quite laughing out loud. However, it was a great first entry to get me into the mood for judging.

Score: 14

~

Title: The Journey
Author: Kelhanion

As far as the technical side, I could only find a few nitpicks. As for the prompt, I think you missed it. You didn’t use any sort of exotic food. I also think, given the prompt, humor is a pretty strong aim. I don’t really “get” this piece, and I feel like you were trying too hard to get one aspect of the prompt and not the others.

Score: 8

~

Title: Soliloquy by Komura-Sama (The Metroid Speech)
Author: cacafire

I like that your way of “speaking” in this remained fairly consistent throughout. I also like the subject of video games, but…that’s not part of the prompt. I know you had the disclaimer, but I don’t really see why the entry when you stray so far away from the prompt. Little strays are understandable and can even be encouraged at times, but not such big strays, in my opinion. Otherwise, it wasn’t a half bad piece, but it really make me feel much of anything.

Score: 8

~

Title: Chef Gorgon’s Kitchen Hell
Author: Glfralin

There were some technical nitpicks that couldn’t be put up to being intentional for the prompt. The odd potato soup recipes got you by for the prompt. I have seen Hell’s Kitchen, which helped, but I don’t think would have taken away from this had I not seen it. I found it to be amusing and it made me smile at the end.

Score: 15

~

Title: Fight For Your Dreams
Author: Itsaboysname

Ugh. I had to do my judging when I got the stomach flu. Squid. Ugh. Moving on… I almost wish I wasn’t such a punctuation nitpick because I hear myself saying the same things over again. Nevertheless, there are a few things that I’ve caught. I don’t understand the “pull down my eyelid” part. I like the avenging pie-eater twist you used.

Score: 14

~

Title: The Reception
Author: Chris Miller

Hahaha. I liked this. I almost always like “just desserts” type stories. I thought the number of people and the whole “translating” thing would make reading difficult, but you used it all, including the prompt directions, very effectively. Very entertaining.

Score: 19

~

Title: The Gila Monster Challenge
Author: gary_wagner

I got a little mixed up with the lack of dialogue tags, which I think could have benefited this quite a bit. Also, I think that first round of ‘ha ha ha’s was a bit overdone. Perhaps working up to that many in one paragraph would have suited better. I did find this amusing, especially the ending, but otherwise it didn’t do a whole lot for me. It was entertaining, though, and made me smile.

Score: 13

~

Title: Monster Mashed
Author: eggo

Good thing I don’t count the title in the word count. First, I love “foghorn’s lament.” That just sticks with me. Also, I laughed out loud when I was reading along and then read “Hey guys.” There were a few nitpicks, but nothing that distracted me a lot from the piece terribly. The only thing that didn’t do it for me is the somewhat passive, laidback quality to the piece. Very funny and interesting, and a creative way to use the prompt.

Score: 17

~

Title: Zeke and Beuford, Watch TV
Author: Syren

There are a few technical things, but no more than most of the other entries. I have to say this entry didn’t do much for me. This presented one of the more interesting “recipes,” but I didn’t get much into it even with that. I think you have some implied meaning with the ending, and I wish you would have used the extra words you had available to stretch things out a bit more.

Score: 10

~

Title: Double Dash
Author: Hawke

Is it sad I completely identified with this? Haha. Very nicely written, and I got right into it. Especially when he was shaving and she was getting him dressed. You have a strong, clear voice. However, this doesn’t have anything to do with food. I love the writing and the marriage dynamic, but it doesn’t go along with the prompt like it should so I have to deduct for that.

Score: 12

Oasis Writer's Scores

Off Topic:

Some of these are just so ridiculous. I found it hard to not just give some of them a 75%. Most got that, it was….lmao – different, I guess. Nice work guys…buncha weirdos

Title: Silly Man
Author: mandax

lol – Interesting poem. It flipped views a little, and there were a few grammar (word choice on a few) that made this a harder read, but overall, not too bad if you know what is being said. Good work

Score: 14/20

***

Title: The Journey
Author: Kelhanion

There were a few grammar things in here that I found, but nothing too excessive. For just dialogue, it wasn’t too bad. I’m an adjective and adverb abuser though and I tend to want to know what’s going on in a narrative voice, instead of just hearing it. Own preference, but it did make this come off with a less appeal.

Score: 15/20

***

Title:Soliloquy by Komura-sama(The Metroid Speech)
Author: cacafire

lol – This was….interesting, to say the least. I’m not even sure what to think right now…

Score: 15/20

***

Title: Chef Gorgon’s Kitchen Hell
Author: Glfralin

Another different one, but as all dialogue goes, again – I’m not too much a fan of it. It makes me feel like I’m being told it, instead of living it, so it makes it sort of boring for me. Got a few good laughs.

Score: 14/20

***

Title: Fight For Your Dreams!
Author: Itsaboysname

Grammar was nicely done, content read off fairly easily, and altogether, not too bad of a read.

Score: 16/20

***

Title: The Reception
Author: Chris Miller

This was very funny. It did seem rather rushed towards the end, as if you got bored with it. You could have done a few little things with it, but at the end of the day, I still found this very nicely done. For a script – nicely done, for fiction, again, I’m not a fan of just words. Nice introduction by the way.

Score: 17/20

***

Title: The Gila Monster Challenge
Author: gary_wagner

LMFAO – Funny stuff, pulled a well-earned 17. Had I, in instances before, had details and not just speech, it would have pulled higher.

Score: 17/20

***

Title:Monster Mashed
Author: eggo

Phenomenal – very, very well done. Got a good laugh, and yet, was something I wasn’t expecting from the other entries. Great work

Score: 18/20

***

Title: Zeke and Beuford, Watch TV
Author: Syren

Not bad at all – I found it very entertaining. I must be hopped up on too many drugs right now because that talking ingredients really got to me. Good work.

Score: 18/20

***

Title: Double Dash
Author: Hawke

Wasn’t bad. I liked the description and how you progressed in the story. I may be a little tired, or maybe just doped up, but was that about sex or a vacation or??? In any manner, nicely done. I like it.

Score: 17/20

congrats Chris, Gary, Manda

See, Manda, you got 3rd. Thats no so bad! Not at all.

Alice

I laughed out loud when I saw that I came in third. I love it. Thanks to everyone that judged these crazy entires. Sorry about my weird sense of humor. Actually, I'm not. =P I'd like to thank Pokemon for existing and giving me an idea. And thanks, Alice. Third place isn't so bad, lol. This was fun!

So when is the next one?

Thank you to Hodge for the challenge. It was fun. Also, thank you to the judges for reading and commenting. Much appreciated.

Congratulations, all.


Hawke



(Just to say, Kabayaki is boiled eel and the main reason for the story at all - to get away from it for a while. I should have explained what it was but opted not to only because the piece was to be written as though it came from Japan. My apologies.)

Heh. If I'd known, I totally would have scored you higher. Sorry.

No, no, I totally agree with the scores.

Again, my apologies.

So, you're trying to get away from boiled eel?

Thanks judges. Can't be easy. Great theme.

First of all I would like to thank Hodge.

Pulling one of these things together is performing a root canal while riding a unicycle. So thanks for all your hard work.

Secondly, all you judges. To volunteer to wade through all this is admirable. Thank you very much for reading and commenting on my story.


Now I can can celebrate...Woo hoo number one.

And I can think of no one better to share it with. Congrats Chris and everyone else who participated.

I'm buying the first round!

Heh, great job all, congrats Chris & eggo, loved em both!

Thanks judges, fair and well done!

Had a blast

Cheers all,

//Sy