Thread: 08-22-05 | Scores

I'm so sorry for the delay. I did learn a couple of things at least.

1) Never ever schedule an LM competition to end on a holiday weekend and/or right before the start of school.

2) I shouldn't be left in charge of anything.



Without further ado, here are the scores (order goes me, then gohn).

• Crazy_dude6662: 12.5 (13, 12)
  Rico: 14.5 (15, 14)
  Londongrey: 14.5 (15, 14)
  Psycho6058: 13.5 (14, 13)
  mswietek: 15 (15, 15)
  bobbiego: 14.5 (14, 15)
  dannyboy: 16.5 (16, 17)
  Kelhanion: 12 (12, 12)
  strangedaze: 19.5 (19, 20)
  who?: 14.5 (15, 14)
  Dirkin: 15 (15, 15)
  LoneWolf: 16.5 (16, 17)
  ms. vodka: 18 (18, 18)
  nae411: 17 (17, 17)
  Isis: 15 (15, 15)
  thinstep: 13.5 (13, 14)
  damien_frosst: 16 (16, 16)
  bobothegoat: 13.5 (14, 13)
  eggo: 11.5 (12, 11)
  sanyuja: 12.5 (12, 13)
  Gigi: 18 (18, 18)
  Achilles: 13.5 (13, 14)
  Ruben: 13 (13, 13)
  Hodge: 15.5 (16, 15)

Top Five

1. strangedaze (19.5)
2. ms. vodka / Gigi (18)
3. nae411 (17)
4. LoneWolf / dannyboy (16.5)
5. damien_frosst (16)

Congratulations to the members of the Top Five and also to everyone else who participated. Good description can be difficult but I think everybody did very well. I hope to see you all at the next LM competition.


The thread is now yours.

[an:c065099d3d]I apologize in advance for any short and/or uninspired comments - there were a lot of entries this time around. I had a blast reading them though.

Thanks for all the hard work, everyone![/an:c065099d3d]

Title: my room

Author: Crazy_dude6662

Pithy. I like it. I have a few minor quibbles with some of your choices in punctuation and sentence structure and with the way you formatted it (give my poor eyes some line breaks), but none of those things totally prevented me from enjoying your entry. You do need to remember to be consistent in spelling when you use a word more than once. In this instance, “no one” is correct and “no-one” really isn’t.

Score: 13/20


Title: Midnight Musings

Author: Rico

Nice. That was a really smooth description. I’m not sure the parts where you step out and say that something “falls outside the parameters of this competition” and similar instances serve this piece. A description without any reference to this competition would have been much more moving. Still, Mr. Rico, you wrote some beautiful prose.

Score: 15/20


Title: My Bedroom

Author: Londongrey

You wrote a wonderful description but you have a typo in the first paragraph! (eminate-->emanate) That aside, I enjoyed the tour of your room. I admire your ability to write well in the second person. The way you described the textures was brilliant. If I lived in England and you were in the interior design business, I’d be tempted to hire you.

Score: 15/20


Title: The Times They Have A’Changed”

Author: Psycho6058

Interesting and sad. In your very brief entry, you told a very moving story. In regards to this competition, I would have liked to see a little more description of the room rather than you just rattling off the things that are in it.

Score: 14/20


Title: Where We Sleep But Cannot Rest

Author: mswietek

Gosh, another sad story. You guys are gonna make me cry - and I don’t like to cry.

What can I say? Once again, we have another piece that is well written, flows nicely, and moves me. You have a few minor errors, such as “non perishable” (this word should be hyphenated), but they’re not bad enough to detract enough from your entry. It has a certain something to it and I can’t get it out of my head.

Score: 15/20


Title: I Find Piece

Author: bobbiego

Nice writing but your entry seemed to be all over the place - a little more rambling than I like really (although I am often guilty of it myself). There were a few punctuation and sentence structure issues; however, it could be more closely related to stylistic differences more than anything you actually did wrong. It’s a description to be proud of but it just didn’t grab me the way some of the others have.

Score: 14/20

Title: My Bedroom

Author: dannyboy

Hhmmm... How do I put this without sounding sleazy? Oh well, I’ll just go for it and ask that you not snigger at what I am about to say; it’s not meant the way it probably sounds.

I enjoyed very much the description of what goes on in your bedroom during a typical night (indeed, your loving description of your daughter almost makes me want to have kids of my own); however, I would have liked this piece to focus a little more on your actual room - furniture, artwork, photographs, rugs, etc. Don’t get me wrong, the way you included the room details with bits about your family was very well done. You do a great job with people. As I said, I’m looking for more of a focus on the room. Very good effort, just not quite right for where my tastes are at today.

Score: 16/20


Title: The Strange Connection Between Everything And A Relatively Common Object

Author: Kelhanion

Here once again, we have good writing but as before, this isn’t quite what I am looking for in this competition. The last two paragraphs felt tacked on, as if you were trying to force this piece to fit the competition. I’d say it would be better without out them. Again, this is according to my tastes today. Perhaps if I had given you a longer word length you might have found a way to add them in a little better; as it is, though, the abruptness of the switch puts me off the humor of the last two paragraphs altogether.

Score: 12/20


Title: My Room as a Lovestory

Author: strangedaze

Now that’s more like it. It’s an excellent mix of character and room description, with the room used to reveal character. Nice!

(I read somewhere that you don’t like to look back over your own work so please get yourself a copyeditor. That way you wouldn’t drive the poor pedantic folks like me nuts by marring an otherwise excellent piece.)

Score: 19/20


Title: Night by Day

Author: who?

Your entry is riddled with good writing and it flows well. You pass. What more can I say?

Score: 15/20


Title: The Room I Sleep In

Author: Dirkin

Not bad. I have issue with your use of “everytime” and some of your punctuation choices but other than that, we have here another competent tour of a sleeping area. I hope you’ll try out some more of the LM comps in the future.

Score: 15/20


Title: My Room is Weird

Author: LoneWolf

Yes, I do think I see your personality peeking out at me. I would suggest that next time you comb through your entry a little more carefully and make sure your meaning is clear. For example, in the fourth paragraph “acts as a home” makes more sense to me than “acts a home.” It could just be me, though.

Thanks for sharing some of your world with me.

Score: 16/20


Title: In My room. in. My. Room.

Author: ms. vodka

A piece devoid of sexual references... I never guessed that you had one in you. It’s a great entry, though, and I enjoyed reading it. I’m very nosy and I love getting little glimpses into other peoples lives. However, I do have to admit that I’m a bit jealous; I’ve always wanted a roll top desk but I just don’t have the room for it.

Please do more prose in the future!

Score: 18/20


Title: My Private Sanctuary...

Author: nae411

Ah! A lovely tribute to your room and to yourself. It’s nice to see that the fluidity I’ve noticed in your poetry translates well into prose. I hope you attempt more prose too.

Score: 17/20


Title: It’s a lair, I tell you

Author: Isis

You probably don’t know this, but I occasionally transpose letters when I am reading. So, the first time I read your entry (including the title), I thought you were calling your room a liar. And funnily enough, it made perfect sense to me that way. The way you wrote it is good too, but somehow I can’t get the “liar” interpretation out of my head. There’s nothing I can do but give you an extra point in hopes that it might encourage you to try out a more humor-orientated approach in the future.

Score: 15/20


Title: Not my room, but rules are made to be broken

Author: thinstep

Great piece of flash, but there isn’t enough description of the room for it to fit this competition. I do wish you had stuck closer to the challenge so I wouldn’t have to score you so low. You have a nice style of writing and that was an awesome ending. Maybe next time I’ll be able to give you a score that better reflects your abilities.

Score: 13/20


Title: An un-private space

Author: damien_frosst

Awesome. I love it when you guys are honest. Once again, Mr. Frosst, you have done well. I guess that’s all I have to say.

Score: 16/20


Title: Love is Green, But my Walls are Red

Author: bobothegoat

Why do you do this to me? Your humor is always welcome - in fact, I look forward to it - but you need to get a look at the edge of my desk. It’s covered in blood because I have been bashing my head against it every time I read an entry that I want to score higher but can’t. I absolutely love where you went with this, though. Maybe next time your muse will let you write something that doesn’t go too far beyond what the competition calls for.

Score: 14/20


Title: Nightmares of Pearl Street

Author: eggo

You people are really breaking my heart. Other than a few grammar and sentence structure issues, this was pretty good. You went too far off-topic for this competition though.

Score: 12/20


Title: Me, myself, and my room

Author: sanyuja

Very nice but where’s the sights, sounds, and textures? What you wrote is poignant but this competition is more about a physical description of your room. If you could’ve somehow combined the psychological with the physical, I think you might have fared better. I hope you’ll enter again next time around.

Score: 12/20


Title: My Side

Author: Gigi

No, it didn’t feel too long this time. You’ve got a great combination of emotional and physical description here. Even though I’ve never experienced divorce (nor marriage for that matter), you had me right there throughout the piece. Well done.

Score: 18/20


Title: Contentment is a Place

Author: Achilles

Not really a description of your room, is it? It’s not bad - there are several parts I liked - but it didn’t grab me the way some of the others did. I think this piece might have been more effective if you moved the second to last paragraph up a little further, right after the first one maybe, and rearrange slightly the paragraphs that come after.

Score: 13/20


Title: Plastic Kiss

Author: Ruben

What and imagination you have, young Ruben! You made a few errors...well, I really shouldn’t call them errors, they’re more pitfalls... Anyway, you fell into a few traps that perhaps a more experienced writer might not have. But that’s okay. The important thing is that you’re learning and I think this is the best I’ve seen from you yet. Just watch out for your commas (you use way to many), don’t hyphenate words that aren’t meant to be, and try to avoid writing sentences like this one: “ It was inhabited by a clock on which a clown rested, the very thing that woke him up every day at early hours, driving him mad every morning.” Whether read with the previous sentence or taken on its own, it doesn’t make as much sense (nor does it sound as nice) as it should.

Score: 13/20


Title: The Dime Tour

Author: Hodge

It’s good but I don’t really like prose that is comprised solely of dialogue. You do have a flair for it though. I wonder what you would have been able to do if I had given you a higher word limit. Oh well. It’s probably best not to dwell too much on what might have been.

I think this is the most unique piece in this competition (or at least the most unique one that actually answered the challenge we set out for you) and for that, you get an extra point as well.

Score: 16/20

[an:9446ebc21e]Congratulations to everyone, and there were alot of particpants this time for attmepting this very difficult challenge, at least in my opinion. And now without further rambling here are my scores.[/an:9446ebc21e]

Title: My Room
Author: Crazy_dude666
You did a very thorough job of describing your room(I can pretty much picture your room), but I think that the flow from sentence to sentence could have been stronger. A lot of your sentences are written using the same structure. Also the title could have been a bit better.

Score: 12/20

Title: Midnight Musings
Author: Rico
I liked the incorporation of all five senses in this piece, but I wasn’t a big fan of the little asides, saying that this was part of the competition etc. I like your title too.

Score: 14/20

Title: My Bedroom
Author: Londongrey
Interesting concept of using the second person, although I’m not sure if it really worked for me. But the descriptions are precise and detailed, giving me a very good idea of what your room looks. I think the title was a bit weak and you could have put some more effort into the title.

Score: 14/20

Title: The Times They have a Changed
Author: Psycho6058
I liked this one, short and simple. The only drawback was that you kind of listed everything in your room, which considering this challenge was to write a descriptive paragraph of your room, weakened this piece. I liked the title, it fit really well, and it reminds me of a Bob Dylan song.

Score: 13/20

Title: Where we Sleep but cannot rest
Author: Mswietek
Lovely. I liked everything after the first paragraph. The first paragraph was too much generic description with nothing else. In your other paragraphs I liked how you mixed description with prose. There were also some nice description there too.

Score: 15/20

Title: I find peace
Author: Bobbiego
It started off really strong with interesting, evocative description and then it kind of weakened. It started to ramble a bit too much about the relaxor thingy. And I felt the third paragraph was weak, kind of listing things, and you weren’t using quite as a evocative description like you were earlier.

Score: 15/20


Title: My Bedroom
Author: Dannyboy
Nice one, Dannyboy. Great mix of description and narrative, it definitely helps the story from getting to monotonous with just plain description. Also I like how you talked about three of your bedrooms. It was a nice touch. The title however was a bit weak, kind of cliché. I know you could have come up with better.

Score: 17/20

Title: The Strange Connection Between Everything And A Relatively Common Object
Author: Kelhanion
First thing I noticed was the title, has me interested in what kind of room you’re going to describe. Interesting take on the challenge. I guess in a very broad way, Earth is where people sleep. But the only thing is you really took the easy way out on the description of your room, which was the whole premise of the challenge.

Score: 12/20

Title: My Room as a Love Story
Author: StrangeDaze
What can I say, I thought this was awesome. I didn’t think I’d ever give out a 20, but you get my first 20.

Score: 20/20

Title: Night by Day
Author: who?
I liked the personification of the bedroom. That an interesting way to tackle this challenge. The descriptions were okay, nothing that really stood out, but it did give me a good idea of what your room looked like. You did a good job with the thoughts of your narrator. Do you work at night?

Score: 14/20

Title: The Room I Sleep in
Author: Dirkin
Very nice opening with this one. Even though it’s been done before the whole jungle metaphor, it worked well for me. And got me interested in reading the rest. Good job describing everything in the room. The only one that bothered me was the description of your television, for some reason I found that a bit lazy.
Score: 15/20

Title: My Room is Wierd
Author: LoneWolf
I actually read this one when it first was posted and didn’t like it much, but now two-three weeks later I found myself liking this a lot more. My favorite part was about the stickers and shot glasses. Good stuff. Though I don’t necessarily I agree with you that you are weird just because you have Emenimen posters and next to a viola picture.

Score: [b]17/20

Title: In My Room. In. My. Room.
Author: Ms Vodka
I liked it. The descriptions were good, and I thought that the commentary about the stuff in your room added a lot of personality to this piece.

Score: 18/20

Title: My Private Sanctuary
Author: Nae411
The descriptions are great in this piece, very detailed and just pleasing to read. And you were able to keep it up for the whole time, not just every paragraph except one, all of them.. And besides you have, “Where all the Wild Things are” in your room. Extra point, just for that.

Score: [b]17/20

Title: It’s a Lair I tell You
Author: Isis
When I read the last sentence, I thought you wrote liar and that proceeded to thoroughly confuse me. I liked the stuff about the dog and the color blindness and how you transitioned from that to the color of your walls. I think the last paragraph got a bit weaker as you described in a more straightforward manner, kind of a list. But I guess you were running close to the 500 word limit.

Score: 15/20

Title: Not my room but rules are made to be broken
Author: ThinStep
That was unexpected. At least I wasn’t expecting it. I loved the grotesque morning jogger simile, that was great. You had some great description about the woman in the bed, but the surrounding areas, you seemed to skimp a bit on the description.

Score: 14/20

Title: An un-private Space
Author: Damien Frost
I liked the title as it fit with what you wanted to relay to the reader. I liked how you kept up with that idea, throughout this piece. It gave it structure. I also like the stuff about the laundry basket. The descriptions didn’t blow me away, but they were precise and gave me a good picture of your room.

Score: 16/20

Title: Love is green, but my walls are red
Author: Bobothegoat
Loved the title. Very enticing. I think you are right that you stray a bit too far. In my opinion you probably should have added more room details. I used to play Magic: The Gathering, but then I gave all my cards to my cousin, and I think he threw them away.
I liked the part where you recite the poem. I still can’t figure out how Love is Green.

Score: 13/20

Title: No Title
Author: Eggo
Yeah, I think you went a bit too broad here too. It seemed more focused on the destruction, or at least that’s how I felt when I felt when I read it. More emphasis on the room and description was needed. There were some grammar mistakes that I think you could have caught. Also you needed a title.

Score: 11/20

Title: Me, Myself and My room
Author: Sanyuja
You create a nice powerful emotion about your room and in a way that is like describing your room, but more in a non-physical way. I think the downfall here is that you lacked a physical description of the room, but still it was nicely done. It sounds like a great place to be and sleep, just only if I could see it in my head.

Score: 13/20

Title: My Side
Author: Gigi
I like it, it had an almost poetic feel to it. I like the mix of description along with narrative here, it worked really well, nice blend.

Score: 18/20

Title: Contentment is a Place
Author: Achilles

You really live in the woods ?! I really liked the second paragraph, it was nicely described. The only thing is that I don’t think you conveyed the idea of living without luxuries well enough. I think that was the thing that would have made this piece most effective for me.

Score: 14/20

Title: Plastic Kiss
Author: Rueben
Nice title very intriguing. I liked how you wove in description as your protagonist moves about the room and does things, the only thing is that the descriptions could have been more detailed. The use of 3rd person was really interesting also. Most people used first person and it was nice to see someone try 3rd person. Didn’t see any grammar mistakes either.

Score: 13/20

Title: The Dime Tour
Author: Hodge
Funny. And interesting way to tackle this prompt/challenge. But no Dave Matthews! Sorry got to deduct a point for that. Definitely a creative way to describe your room. The only thing it lacked was probably stronger description, but hard to do when it’s all dialogue.

Score: 15/20

Better than a I thought—thanks, guys. I tried to work on something but quickly found that time was running out so I posted what I had written up a few days before. Went back and read it a day or two later and found so much that I should have edited...

Ah well. I wrote it too fast and posted it without giving it the benefit of editing at all. Serves me right Anyway, congratulations everyone.

*blink blink*

I didn't think I'd ever win one of these this one was more for practice than anything else, but wow - thank you two very very much! There were some excellent pieces for competition and I thought I was done for fer sure!

Props to all, especially the judges; there were a f ckload of entries and they were all solid. Love all around.

Thanks to both for the judging, there was some really good stuff out there. Strangedaze, congrats!

Michael

wellk done strangedaze and everyone - this was fun. Excellent work and choices judges.

yay and kisses for droooooooooooo!

congratulations assboy... never thought you'd win one of these my ass...

i think your tiara is tilting slightly to the left...

daniela and gohn, i feel horrible that i wasn't able to help out this time... you guys carried a huge load. daniela, i think you have done a great job running literary maneuvers in le penguin's absence. don't be hard on yourself. the competitions have been professional and fun. thank you both for all your work judging this huge amount of entries.

is this considered further proof that gigi and i are actually the same person? or perhaps siamese twins? ((((((((shudder)))))))))

love all,
vodka

Yay! Part of the Top 5 once more!

Congrats to everyone and HUGE props to daniela and gohn. Only 2 people doing this whole thing...you guys rock! Can't wait until the next one...bring it on!

Much love,
LW

Wow, daniela and gohn, a round of applause for you two!

As always, I found some great & helpful comments. Although my score is 13 (which, for me, is ok), I'm happy that your comments tell me my faults lie in things I can improve, and not in things I can't change. (or so I hope )

With great eagerness I await the next LM liked a beschnickerd puppy

thanks for the scores and the like, i will work harder next time, take a bit more time, maybe not be the first one to post?

I'd like to thank daniela publically for giving up her time and energy in no small proportion to keep LM alive in my prolonged absence. The participants and judges all deserve considerable credit for constructing such interesting surroundings from nothing but an empty forum. LM is a credit to WF.com.

Fortunately for daniela, I will arrive home on the evening of the 12th, quite in time to spare her the limitless pain of running any further challenges. We shall break for a week or two before diving into another premise.

Congratulations to the top five, and particularly to strangedaze, the worthy victor. It would be appreciated if anyone with suggestions for the next theme or the inclination to judge would contact me by PM.

Until next time...

Originally Posted by Pawn

I'd like to thank daniela publically for giving up her time and energy in no small proportion to keep LM alive in my prolonged absence. The participants and judges all deserve considerable credit for constructing such interesting surroundings from nothing but an empty forum. LM is a credit to WF.com.

Fortunately for daniela, I will arrive home on the evening of the 12th, quite in time to spare her the limitless pain of running any further challenges. We shall break for a week or two before diving into another premise.

Congratulations to the top five, and particularly to strangedaze, the worthy victor. It would be appreciated if anyone with suggestions for the next theme or the inclination to judge would contact me by PM.

Until next time...

I'm willing to judge. Is it allowed to take bribes?

Thank you for taking the time to not only read each entry but to tackle the job of scoring and commenting. This was alot of fun and I would love to participate again. I am thrilled so many members joined in! Great job everybody.

Nae