Thread: "Feast"-Haiku

The kill swift,precise
A humble meal, a grand feast
Death begets new life

I think for me, this one needs more concrete images to build up to the kireji 'death begets new life'. The juxtaposed elements above it play too much in the abstract, they could do with more focus (how is the kill swift, precise? What are you seeing? A humble feast... what's the purpose of the kill that leads to your last line? In tops of trees youth waits, cries?)

Also try and use your punctuation.

The kill swift. Precise. (The full stops adds to quick, swift, movement).

And just keep an eye on your spacing.

Hope that helps, hon.