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About LinkBacksa bright star they saw
three men on a cold, winter night
tracking a new king.
a bright star they saw
three men on a cold, winter night
tracking a new king.
Nellie
How about
a bright star they saw
three men on a winter night
tracking a new king
5-7-5 syllables
I like it
“The greatest achievement was at first and for a time a dream. The oak sleeps in the acorn, the bird waits in the egg, and in the highest vision of the soul a waking angel stirs. Dreams are the seedlings of realities.” ~ James Allen
"Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best." ~ Henry Van Dyke
Actually it's 5-8-5, but no matter. It's still a good verse, and very relevant to the time of year.
Plus, those men weren't all that wise, as they completely forgot to patent the very first GPS system.
ooo, I like this. So much said.
There's nothing like a simile.
Candid petunia,
Thanks for your suggestion. I don't know why I added an extra word, since I know haiku is 5-7-5 syllables.
So I will re-write it.
Punnikin and astroannie,
Thank-you taking the time to read and for your kind words.
Nellie
a bright star they saw
three men on a winter night
tracking a new king.
Nellie
My version:
a sufficient Word
brings pilgrim astronomers
an Epiphany
Credit to you for inspiring it.
There's nothing like a simile.
It didn't need a rewrite. Had you said "sunny night" or "thrice dudes" I would have agreed a rewrite was in order, and a mindwipe, but there was nothing wrong with it.
I haven't read many haiku since I just started looking into them, but of the ones I've read this one is one of my favorites. Like astroannie said, so much said.
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