Hey everyone, I'm new to this community.

[ConditionedMentally]

This looks like a nice place and I hope I will learn a lot here.

Rate my short story:

A Vision Once Let Go

The sky began to darken as the gleaming moonlight glared upon the isolated stage which lay beyond the tall petrifying trees. The stage contained an old man and his 14 year old grandson practicing the art of martial arts. Following in his grandfather’s movements, Vain was quick in achieving to the advance steps of the art. His grandfather, 70 years young, hid his age very well through his agile mobility and youthful body. His white shoulder length hair fell upon his disciplined face as he struck his long stick forward.

“Watch and learn.” His voice was a soft whisper that flew with the wind to rustle the trees. Vain was to imitate all of what his grandfather did both in the art and in life. It was his destiny. His grandfather stopped and returned his stick to resume its motionless state. “How did I do?” Vain’s curiosity could be seen through his enterprising face, it was at its peak. “You done well, my boy.” His grandfather smiled, revealing his slightly arched teeth. “Remember, this is where you belong and this is how you must live. Be a leader. You’ll understand someday.” Vain had a vision from this day on. A vision once let go, a vision to be a leader and promote peace. He wanted to be able to live in a society where chronic dispute wasn’t the norm. The passing of Vain’s grandfather didn’t change this vision, but did weaken it. For he was now lost and in conflict with himself. Can he carry on with what his grandfather wanted? Can he stand up to different races of creatures who overdo him in strength potential? Could his greatest enemy be himself? And so the story begins 3 years later….

There stood an island surrounded by a large body of salty blue water. This island surrounded by tall daunting trees, contained 3 villages. The 3 villages contained 3 races who each had their own chief. The races were Human, Basset (dog like creatures) and Xeron (giant bore like creatures). All the races competed among each other for goods and products when they were in each other’s area, fights usually resulted in death and the island was soon getting smaller and smaller in population. The Xerons were the ones in command because of their intimidating size and overwhelming power. Peace was rarely the norm. It was what Vain’s grandfather dreamed on and it’s what Vain plan’s to fulfill.

Vain was on his daily morning jog part of his martial arts training when he spotted something of interest through the crowd of humans. “That would be 17 rupees, sir.” Stated the human fruit merchant to a group of Xerons. The human looked miniature in comparison to the giant intimidating hog creatures, who plucked an apple from the merchant’s fruit stand. One of the Xerons moved its head closer to the merchant. “What if I don’t feel like paying?” he taunts as he spits out his saliva at the merchant, only to withdraw and share a beastly chuckle with his group. The merchant was outmatched; he had to lose out on the sale.

Vain, witnessing this, knew he had to put a stop to it. Being the clever young man that he was, he decides to run through the crowd of humans. As he ran, squeezing through the swarming multitude, he proceeded to “bump into” the group of Xerons. “Whoops, excuse me” stammers Vain as he ran on. “Watch where you go, human!” Growls a Xeron, although the bump hardly faced him. “Humans are the clumsiest of all” growls another. The Xeron who was bumped into brought his hand to his mouth expecting an apple to be there, where as to his surprise contained nothingness.

Vain is able to hear the whining of the Xerons from afar as he produces a mischief smile to back up his dirty trick. Reaching a fork on the road, he reveals the stolen apple in his hand. Crunching on it, he turns to his home and continues walking toward it. Vain is soon met by who he considers to be his only family since the death of his real family do to the race wars. His friends Jamie and Ramirez, who were also skilled in martial arts. “Hey Vain, what took so long?” asks Jamie, elevating her eyebrow. “I...uh…I got hungry” replies Vain after slight hesitation, raising his half eaten apple. “You were fooling around again, weren’t you?” Says Ramirez, folding his arms and slanting his head with a look of concern. The answer was obvious to Vain’s friends. “Hey, a man’s gotta eat.” Counters Vain as he lowers his head and walks through his friends, heading to his earlier destination. “Vain….how are we suppose to count on you like this?” stammers Jamie while having an annoyed look on her otherwise cheery face. Vain turns around with a balked look in his eyes. “Why me, huh?” He replies in irritation. “Why does it have to be me? Jamie…I’m no leader.” His voice turns into a saddened whisper, as he lowers his and head and turns to walk to his house again. “But your grandfather told you-“ Jamie stops Ramirez from finishing his sentence by putting her hand on his shoulder. “Let him go.” She says, her voice now in normal tone. “He probably needs some time alone.” They watch as Vain proceeds to enter his house in a rather slow pace.

Going inside his house and suffering from internal conflict, Vain eyes around the neatly organized setting for an area to relax and collect his thoughts. He proceeds to his fireplace and takes a seat on the polished floor. “Ramirez is right” he whispers in grief. “I have to do this. It’s…what is meant...” Vain pauses to collect his confused thoughts. He strokes his hair with both his hands in agony. “What…am I going to do?” he finally spits out. “Poor grandfather…he put his trust in me. A worthless, no good mortal. I am nothing, how can I ever be a leader?” Vain was now more misled and discouraged than ever before. There were people counting on him, and as self sufficient as he was it was difficult for him. “Why can’t I just be me? Why do I have to be leader? What is my purpose?” Vain kept these questions in repetition at the back of his head as he got up. His head still low; he walked to the front door of his house in a grieving manner. As he reached for the door knob, a chilly scream echoed through the wooden entrance of his house. Vain’s reflexes were quick to associate the scream with danger as his eyes turned from sorrowful to determined. He immediately grabbed the door knob and in one swift turned, opened the door to be witness to a Xeron holding his friends up with both hands and attacking them verbally – a typical day at the village.

“Tell your friend to give me what he stole!” roars the Xeron as drool from his mouth spattered out to Ramirez and Jamie’s faces. Jamie and Ramirez, not wanting to give their friend into a world of hurt, kept quiet. The wind grew as Vain’s confusion fused with his desire for peace and his anger towards any who hurt his only family rose. He calls out at the Xeron. “Hey you!” The Xeron swifts his attention towards the figure standing at the doorstep as the wind blew on his hair and clothes. Vain shut his eyes. “I’m the one you want.” He states in almost a whisper. Still eyeing Vain, The Xeron drops Jamie and Ramirez. He flashes an impish smile across his face as he turns to walks towards the hero of the day. “Vain, no! You don’t have to do this!” Jamie tries to evoke Vain but fails as she is stopped by a massive arm of another Xeron who blocks both her and Ramirez from any form of advancement. The Xeron continues closer to Vain who remains motionless with his head hanging low. As the wind whistles Vain’s deadly fate louder and louder, while the Xeron’s smile gets wider and wider. “Your death shall take place tonight, human.” Declares the Xeron as he proceeds to walk closer with his heavy, yet slow pace. “You are going to leeeearn not to fool around with Xeros.” He continues. Vain decides to stay still until the Xeron is just inches away from grabbing his collar. Then, without warning, he reveals his purposeful eyes once covered by his eyelids and almost immediately throws an unhesitating fist right at the Xeron’s colossal snout. “Arrrrrgggggg!!!!” screams the Xeron, clutching his gigantic face with both his hands. Vain then delivers a vigorous kick right into the massive stomach of the bore creature which knocks with him sheer ease to the ground.

His friends cheer as Vain is seen as a dominant being between him and the Xeron. The other Xeron guarding Jamie and Ramirez was panic-stricken by the event he just witnessed causing immediate retaliation to come to mind. He races at a quicker pace than that of his fallen friend to the motionless Vain. Vain jumps over him, both knees bent, and drop kicks the Xeron’s back forcing him to crumble down on his slain ally. Jamie and Ramirez stood in utter disbelief to see their friend take complete control of the situation. “Maybe he is leadership material after all, Jamie.” States Ramirez in an optimistic tone. “I told you he knew what he was doing!” Jamie turns her cheery face towards Vain. “Good job, Vain!” The two Xerons were quick to retreat as Vain turned to his friends. “I’m not finished.” He says as he walks passing them. “There is one more thing I need to do.” His friends were favorable in letting him accomplish what he needed to do; they knew that he had to do this.

Upon entering the Xeron village, Vain is neither intimated nor alarmed by the atmosphere and the lurking creatures that are nearly twice his size. The air is much thicker here, and the feeling is a lot less welcoming. The setting is like a chalky western town, with sand sweeping the dusty yet callous base. The bottom of Vain’s boots take possession of a dusty surrounding as his legs take him to his desired location down the wide sooty trail with roomy buildings by its sides. Silence takes over as the Xeron creatures look fixedly upon Vain like a lion looking on a cuisine. Humans entering Xeron villages weren’t typical normality. Not intimidated by any of this, Vain continues until he reaches a lofty unnerving construction. This was the chief’s house. After staring at it in detail for a few seconds, he proceeds to enter spooky building.

“Who goes there?!” the heavily low pitched voice is so immediate, it catches Vain by surprise. “I’m Vain.” He gallantly states. The solid base of the building begins to rumble as the giant bore creature reveals its truthful self. “What do you want?” He growls. “Stop hurting my friends.” Demands Vain. “You’ve done enough to hurt us humans. Stop.” The bore creature roars in amusement, the type of laughter that can only be seen on Xerons. “And what if we don’t??” The creature brings its bulky drool filled mug next to Vain’s face, eagerly anticipating an answer. “Then I have no choice but to destroy you.” States Vain with a driven look in his eyes. The chief Xeron, struck by the sudden feeling of shock, moves its head back, away from Vain’s. “For years and years, you humans have tried and failed. What makes you think you can now?” The Xeron’s tone is now serious. “Because I now have a vision.” Replies Vain. “A vision once let go by my generations because no one was brave enough to take you on and the slight amount that did, were defeated. Since then, for years now, no one has done anything about it.” Vain draws his martial arts stick. “I plan to change this, no matter what the end result.” The Xeron is shocked by the words approaching from Vain’s mouth. “You are one brave child.” The Xeron’s serious tone remains. He eyes Vain who is determined to keep his driven look. “And you do realize this could bring forth your death, right?” His drool began to deluge the floor. “That is an indeterminate conclusion.” Replies Vain, raising his stick into combat form. “But my grandfather told me something I will never let down. This is my true purpose. I will become a leader. Obstacles are meant to be overcome.”

The End.


Any Criticism or feedback would be great. Thanks.

[BookLover]

Hi there! Welcome to WF.

A suggestion: This section is for announcing your arrival to the forum members. Your story might get lost in this section. Why don't you post it in the Short Stories section, so that people won't miss it?

You can find the Short Stories section here

[Nickie]

Hello, and welcome to the forums!


Nickie

[ConditionedMentally]

Ah thanks and sorry about that.

[Kira the wanderer]

Welcome, and don't worry about not knowing. Not your fault.

[bmroyer]

hello, welcome to the forums