D4rk_3|f

Hi all
Ive decided to try my luck at writing. I have so many ideas forming in my head that I want to write about.
My name is Shaun and I am 25 years of age and Married with one lovely daughter. I work in the IT industry soon to leaving to the Architectural Industry but I would like to try this out on the side although I know a lot of effort needs to go into it.
On the side I am a concept artist and seeing that i have a bit of a creative spirit living in me I want to try and convey some of those thoughts and feelings onto paper.
Anyway, Thats all about me. Hope to make a lot of friends here.

Cheers.
Shaun

daniela

Welcome to the forums! If you ever have a bit of writer’s block, I suggest you visit the Writing Challenge forum or Word Games. They are both a fun way to get the creative juices flowing and the members here will have an opportunity to get to know you a little better. I wish you success with your writing and I hope your career transition goes well. See you around.

--DM--

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D4rk_3|f

Why thank you Daniela.
I just came from there now and tried my luck at a piece about a warrior fighting three demos. I dont know if you want to check it out and tell me what you think.

Thanks

pgoroncy

Welcome to the forums shaunwgpm!

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daniela

[ot:62b9fd7c97]I had a look at your battle scene and it was good. The idea itself was cliché, but since you were just continuing someone else's scene, it is not a problem. You do need to watch your sentence length, though. A few of them were getting a little too long. There needs to be a mixture of long and short sentences in any story but especially with action, you have to consider pace. Shorter lines will keep the energy up and the scene will move quickly. For the slower sections, longer sentences are appropriate. I should tell you that I am not very good at writing battle scenes myself, but as a voracious reader, I generally know what works and what does not.

This scene was a wonderful introduction to your writing skills. You have talent and I can only see you getting better with time. Once again, welcome to the forums.

--DM--[/ot:62b9fd7c97]

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"When you catch an adjective, kill it. No, I don't mean utterly, but kill most of them—then the rest will be valuable." - Mark Twain

D4rk_3|f

Thanks.

Ill keep that in mind seeing as i enjoy writing battle scences. You have a good point about slowing the story down with long sentences and quickining it with short sentences.

Thanks

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Aeryn

Welcome to Writing Forums D4rk_3|f! =]

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