Tiamat10

Author's Note:

Really hesitant about posting something like this.

For the first time in my life, I don't have a gut feeling to go with. I don't know if that's a good thing or not. I picked my former university on a gut feeling, I picked my major (linguistics-creative writing, go figure) on a gut feeling, I decided to move to Europe on a gut feeling, I moved in on my boyfriend with a gut feeling.

Now that I've had a bit of a revelation and have thought of a logical course of action, I don't have a gut feeling to back it up. I feel like a broken compass.

I moved across the pond to Europe roughly two years ago. I lived in Copenhagen for three months before moving to Stockholm for an additional three months. After that, I moved to Norway to live with my boyfriend. I've been here for a year an a half.

Having had no previous interaction with the Norwegian language, I had to learn it from the bottom up. Suffice it to say, a year and a half of paddling around the language pool does not a Nordman make. I'm conversant, sure, but I make mistakes, I stumble over words, and I'm not exactly what you might call eloquent.

I miss speaking English.

Considering that I live in a town with the remarkable population of 400 Norwegians, you can imagine what kind of job availability there is for a not-so-fluent immigrant. My work permit expires in a month; I've not found a job yet. I work odd jobs under the table (cleaning, yard work, pet care, blah blah blah) to make some money, but while I'm perfectly capable of putting food on the table, it's not exactly the ideal existence.

Another thought--I am almost entirely dependent on my boyfriend. Not financially and not emotionally, but in the sense that if he's spending the day watching TV/blogging/gaming/working, I've nothing to do. I have no friends because this town is comprised primarily of people over the age of 60 and I can only chat with my elderly neighbors about flowers, Jesus, and Swedish dance band music for so long before I want to commit a random act of violence. There's no social places of any kind, unless you count the museum and I've been there over a dozen times. I don't even have a drivers license anymore because it's expired in the time I've been here. Not that I can afford a car anyways.

I've no reason whatsoever to stay here, really. I've no job, no friends, no ties, no future.

The only hang up is my boyfriend of three years. I've done the long-distance thing with him and I refuse to do it again, so if I leave, we're over. He won't move, and to be honest, I'm not even sure I want him to.

Logically speaking, I should just suck it up and go home to the states. I could have a job the very day I arrive, and several of my friends have offered to let me stay with them while I get my feet under me.

My head tells me that's what I should do, but I lack the conviction of a gut feeling.

I'm not even sure why I'm posting this. I doubt any amount of good advice is going to vanquish this overwhelming indecision. I just don't know what to do.

__________________

lin

I know you're not looking at lame advice from people who are not in the picture, but ONE way to handle something like that would be to go back to the world and see how it feels. It doesn't sound like you'd be jumping off a dock.

And you or your boyfriend might find that absence changes your attitude.

It always works in romantic comedy movies.

__________________

Sam Winchester

I'm not the best person to be giving advice on relationships at the moment, but here's my two cents:

(1) You're in a strange country with no friends, no job prospects, and no future. Bleak does not begin to describe it.

(2) The only thing keeping you there is your boyfriend. I'm a sucker for love as much as the next guy, but love will not put food on the table if you ever start a family.

(3) I'm sorry if this sounds harsh: Do you see a future with him? If not, I think you have to start thinking about you.

(4) Do you think it would be of any benefit to fully learn the language? English is rapidly becoming the most spoken language in the world. I'm sure the jobs on offer over there have some English-speaking people.

(5) You have - or soon will have (hopefully) - a degree in English Creative Writing. What good is that to you in Norway?

I'd say talk to your boyfriend, but like I said, I'm not the best person to be giving relationship advice right now. I'm sorry, and I hope it works out for you.

Sam.

__________________

Don't unlock doors you're not prepared to go through.

The Backward OX

The Backward OX

Works which way - absence makes the heart grow fonder, or out of sight out of mind?

lin

Absinthe makes me out of my mind.

__________________

The Backward OX

Abstinence makes the Church grow fondlers.

BOURBON

[quote=Tiamat10;1141193]The only hang up is my boyfriend of three years. I've done the long-distance thing with him and I refuse to do it again, so if I leave, we're over. He won't move, and to be honest, I'm not even sure I want him to.
quote]
I don't like giving advice, but if I could conceive of leaving someone then I'd leave. Stay with someone it would be impossible to leave.
Good luck whatever you decide to do.

Tiamat10

The same happens to me. You'd think I'd learn from it, really.

Thanks to the four of you. You gave good advice and it's pretty much what I already knew I should do. It's just a matter of working up the courage and conviction to do it. Grabbing the bull by the balls and all that.

__________________

Sam Winchester

That'd be grabbing the bull by the "horns," Tiamat!

Where'd you hear that version!

__________________

Don't unlock doors you're not prepared to go through.

Tiamat10

Lol, I've heard the expression 'grab the bull by the balls' many times and always wanted to use it! Now that you mention it, your version makes a bit more sense, however.

__________________

Jocelyn

Tiamat,
I'm sorry you're having to even make this decision. I know it sucks. It sure sounds like you have made all the effort in this relationship. If moving is not an option for him---not even to another location in Europe where you would feel more comfortable--then you have to ask yourself what you are getting out of this relationship...and out of this life, for that matter.

I agree with Lin on this one. Well, the going back and seeing if it feels right part. If you are completely and devastatingly miserable without him, THEN your gut will finally be speaking up.

Malone

If you grab a bull by the balls, he's probably going to kick you. I hope that's not how it works out for you.

__________________
There Is A Policeman Inside All Our Heads: He Must Be Destroyed

jen5079

Your story reminds me of my brother. He moved to Tennessee to be with his girlfriend, not a different continent but bear with me. They were together for two years and they just broke up. He told me that he'd had slight second thoughts about being with her, but thought that it was nothing. Then she lied to him all of the time and was considering becoming a lesbian. Well, he asked me if I thought he should move back to Florida and be around his family and I said yes. I suppose the only useful advice you could gain from my post is to ask your family what they think and ask yourself how you feel about your relationship. I think that you should trust your gut. I live in Jacksonville and moved to Gainesville for a year to go to school. When we, my boyfriend and I, looked at apartments I was fine, but when we would leave, I felt so much better. I thought that it was because I wanted to move to Gainesville and was excited about moving there, but I realized it was that I was glad that I got to drive away from it. I moved back and am so much happier. Enough blathering. Good luck whatever you choose.

Tiamat10

Wow. This is old. I may have to revoke what I said in the debate section about reviving old threads, because these ones really don't need rehashed.

Anyways, thanks for your support and the suggestion. I really do appreciate it even if it is a bit late. To update the situation, I'm headed back to the states sometime in October. The original plan was the 15th, but I may have to push it back another week.

Conflict resolved.

__________________