Hell - Writers Forum

playstation60 · 05-25-2008, 08:16 PM

This past week has been pretty rough. Life seems forever bent on chewing up the weak guy and spitting him out after he turns out to be not so tasty.

Blah...I opened this thread with the intents of putting to page all the things that happened this past week, from the ever looming threat of losing electricity (high bill and the company is NOT willing to help us out and work with us) to being reduced in wages ($12.50/hour down to $9.75/hr), being forced by the police to get rid of one of our vehicles etc...But now I just don't have the energy or the drive to. Drive seems to be a big problem with me as of late. I just don't seem to have the drive to pull anything off lately. I don't want to get up to go to work. I get there and I don't want to do what I'm supposed to. I can't seem to keep my on what I need to. I forget what I'm doing way too fast. I screw up way too often (leading cause in the reduction in pay). I get home and I'm grouchy (often causing stupid fights with the wife), tired, drained and just blah. I haven't written anything in near to two months and I feel so incredibly guilty about it. I just don't know what to do.

Zensati · 05-25-2008, 11:27 PM

Sounds like more meat for the grinder!

JosephB · 05-25-2008, 11:38 PM

I'm loath to be one of these half-ass online advise dispensers; but it almost sounds like you are suffering from depression.

Have you had some genuine hardship, like an illness? Was your wage decrease because of something beyond your control? Or are complaining about things that have come about because you've made bad decisions? Maybe it's some of both.

Zensati · 05-25-2008, 11:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JosephB

I'm loath to be one of these half-ass online advise dispensers; but it almost sounds like you are suffering from depression.

Filthy liar! You love it!

JosephB · 05-25-2008, 11:52 PM

Quote:

Filthy liar! You love it!

Right. I live for it.

Foxee · 05-26-2008, 08:14 AM

Hey, playstation60,

I'm really sorry to hear things haven't improved. Haven't been on IM much lately (turn it on out of habit, mostly, then end up ignoring it) but I'll be in touch when I can.

*hugs*

~Foxee

playstation60 · 05-27-2008, 07:54 PM

You know I have thought about whether or not I'm depressed, and I don't know where I fall on that. I mean, I feel normal, most of the time. Or so I think right now. Life just seems to get harder and harder as I get older. I'm 26 and I really wasn't prepared for life being this hard. I can't remember crap.

My reduction in pay is because of my continued errors in most everything. He didn't feel I was working up to the pay level I was at, so he lowered it. A brilliant moment of clarity is all that saved me from being dropped all the way down to minimum wage (whatever that is). As things started to get rough at work I told my wife repeatedly that I would not just quit, that I'd make him fire me, but had he dropped me to minimum wage I would have said F*ck it and walked out right then and there.

For as challenging and frustrating it is to everyone else it's 10x so for me. I feel like I'm locked in a cage, only let out for feedings. I have no memory (I can forget conversations as soon as hanging up the phone), I have no motivation, and I think most importantly I'm starting not to dream. What's the point when all my dreams are not even allowed to take flight. Life is forever finding a way to make it that way, regardless of what I do.

*sighs* So right now we're scrambling to come up with about $600 to put toward our public service bill and praying that it'll stave them off for a bit longer. Good ole WPS though will probably shut us off anyhow, because they are assholes like that.

Blah.

Zensati · 05-27-2008, 09:19 PM

Prepare the grinder boys!