Disclaimer: pg-13 humor and possibly perverted pictures drawn from your imagination--read at your own risk.
While going through my old writing journals from about 5 years ago this month, I found a piece I wrote about a "wardrobe failure" at the office.
The events in this account are completely true, some of the names have been changes to protect the innocent and guilty:
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The Players:
myself - software developer, easy going, good sense of humor, slightly-perverted, usually late to work
officemate #1, Jen - totally gorgeous blond rocket scientist (no really, she is a rocket scientist, that was her degree and she's smart as hell), great personality, sense of humor, loyal friend
officemate #2, Chris - software developer, very recently married to friend of Jen and myself, totally harmless and well-meaning guy, but extremely perverted and fond of the female body, a little lacking in the tact department at times, for instance, often refers to Jen and I as "stacked" and suggests we wear tighter tops, loyal friend
[*note - the three of us get along great, we're always having to shut the door because we laugh so loud, we're friends at work and outside of work too.]
The Setting:
a crappy little 3 person office in a pod of similar offices in the building of the company i work for
The Premise:
Its some mundane day, and I'm arriving at work just before 10am because I overslept as usual. Insomnia and some exciting new anime fan-subs kept me up past 3am so I didn't hear my alarm. Still, I'm in a good mood because I'm dressed to kill in a new ankle length tight black skirt with a long kick-slip in the back and one of my favorite blouses.
The top has this really cute cut collar, the waist is cut a little short, the material is really soft, but best of all its washable. Even though it looks formal enough that it should be dry clean only and require ironing and crap, its not, which makes it awesome. The only thing a little bit weird about it is that it has a real, working zipper down the front, and attached to the zipper pull is a ring about the size of a quarter. That always seemed a bit odd to me, but I adore the top and wear it often so I didn't really think much of it anymore.
Onto the story:
As I arrive at the doorway to my office I stop in the hallway to greet the guys in the office next door. Just as I start to take a step into my office Jen and Mike, who are already there of course because I'm a slacker and late, look up to greet me. Jen smiles and as always compliments me on my outfit. Before I can thank her, Chris interjects saying "Yeah, I love that top N__, that huge ring on the zipper is just asking to be pulled but surely the zipper isn't re...," his voice dies off.
Suddenly time has gone into that weird Matrix slow speed and Chris has reached up to my neck and given the zipper a light tug.
[
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiipppppppppppppp ppppppppppppp.]
Well, at this point, the only thing open wider than my blouse is Chris' mouth. It had never really occurred to me that anyone would actually PULL the zipper so I didn't have contingency plans in place. Underneath my wonderful top, instead of just wearing a normal black bra, like I usually do, I'd chosen to wear a sheer, lacy black lingerie top. (Its hard to explain why, it had to do with the new skirt and feeling feminine, etc..) At any rate, that was the situation.
I was so in shock from embarassment that I was just frozen there, halfway in the doorway with my top open for anyone who happened to wander down the hall to see. Chris was now a very peculiar shade of purple but still staring at my chest with his mouth wide open and time was still all Matrix-like. It felt like it had been 10 minutes but in reality it was probably just a few seconds until Jen went into Trinity-mode and in one swift heroic move pulled me into the office with her hand so that I was facing away from the door and Chris, and shutting the door with her foot at the same time!
Time went back to normal, but I was still dumbfounded and just stood there facing the wall as I felt one of the more impressive blushes of my career cover me from head to toe. Jen patiently zipped my blouse back up for me, straightened it out, moved me over to my chair and helped me sit down. Then she went back and opened our door, sat back down and went back to working silently as if nothing had happened. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Chris turn around and put on his headphones, his neck was the color of those cherries they put on sundaes.
For the first time since the three of us moved in that office it was quiet enough to hear a pin drop. That didn't last long though. After about 5 minutes, Jen and I couldn't take it anymore and started giggling uncontrollably. Eventually Chris had to get up to shut the door so we didn't all get fired for making so much noise, and even he started laughing. Just another typical day at the office.
~pt
My week required a laugh and I found this
